Rollercoaster of terror

Jul 16, 2009

I am totally eating out of control and trying to build my self esteem.  I did all this work to lose weight and now all I hear is... "Your too skinny" or "You are not thick enough"  WTF is wrong with the world.  No matter what you are or where you are.  Acceptance is hard.  I need to learn to be happy with me and keep it moving. Its not easy when you are surrounded by people who think you are too small.  My boyfriend likes bigger women so  no encouragment to lose weight or keep it off there.  I meet men and they say I need to thicken up.  WTF.  I am so tried of this.  I'm being punished for wanting to be healthy and FAT free.   Society is total backwards.    I know I made the right choice. I just need to make myself believe it and stop eating out of control.  I already put back on 10 lbs and I hate it ..  I am exercising and watching it.  I signed up for exercise classes at the local park and rec.

I need out of this world of SHIT!  I want to take control of my life again. I was so happy the 6 months before and the year following surgery.  The freshness and excitement was a thrill ride. NO DRAMA...  I want that back...

I need to start by getting out of this relationship.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  He wants a thicker women, he wants someone with a big butt and big tits. I will never have that.  my body size is not designed for it so OH family.  You can see where most of this is coming from. 

I dont understand.  I was with a man that wanted a smaller women but a total A--Hole and now I am with someone that is nice to me but wants a thick women.   I keep asking my self,  What questions does God want me to answer?   I sometimes feel like I am being punished for making this decision.   That cant be..  I am struggling to find that place of peace again.


About Me
Inglewood, CA
Surgery Date
Oct 31, 2006
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