Nicole B.

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On Aug 17, 2011 at 10:38 am I found out I was 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I have been wanting a kid for over 9 years and finally got one after having my vagina repaired. Did tighting of the muscle walls help? I believe so. I got pregnant 6 weeks after but did not know it. I had no morning sicks at all. Just pain in my lower abdomen.  I went in for an ultrasound and there was my little girl on the screen. I was so shocked and cried all day. I had a sinus headace for another day from all the crying. It is a miracle and I happy as a pea in a pod.  I can't wait to be a mother .  The baby is due March 2012. What a wonderful bday gift for me. 

I am 6 months pregnant now and the baby is growing fine. I had my 5 year weight loss anniversary on Nov 14.  I am proud to say I have been able to keep the weight off and stay on the path to a health life.  I never regret doing the surgery and the lifestyle I have to live in order to maintain the weight loss.  I still get sick from high sugar content foods or greasy foods.  It keeps me straight.

In all, my life has been blessed by GOD.  He has answered all my prayers and I goals in life.  Everything I ever wish for has came to pass so the rest of my life is a bonus.....

My fellow WLS sisters and brothers,,,, take care of yourself and keep the weight off.

Well me life has been fairly good. I had to have my right breast implant replaced because the scar tissue and other things caused it to pop. We are not sure why but things happen. In the meanwhile, I was having a serious of UTI infections for the last year. I had been on all types of bacteria meds to cure it but they kept coming back. Well , while seeing my gyn doctor for a labiaplastly (removing excess labia skin on vagina) she noticed that my bladder was popping out in front of my uterus during the exam. This proceeded her  to further notice that my muscle walls were no longer supporting my female organs and could be the reason for the exessive bladder infections.  Apparently, excessive weight over the years weaken my muscles in the vagina. She informed me that the same was true for my rectal muscles too. It is a serious of 3 different repair surgeries.  Well, I had two of them so far and it was painful but worth the pain. I have had no UTI since the surgery in April and my vagina is super tight now.  They do the surgery for women who want to tighten their vagina but mines was medical so my insurance paid for everything.  I still have the rectal repair to do but we are going to monitor the muscle to wait until it is worse.  At some point, I will have to have the rectal muscle done also.

People ask me all the time do I regret having the weight lost surgery or should they want to lose weight.  This blog should asnwer that question.  There is no way in hell I will ever be overweight again. I encourage all individuals to do the surgery or lose weight. I never once thought about the medical effects on my body from the over eating or lack of exercise.  I cried for weeks because of the things I must endure due to being overweight for 30 years.  I still have to have a tummy tuck and butt lift, so I have at least 3 more surgeries to go.  Well I do them... 100% sure

In all, everytime I change my body, I also lose a significant other.  Its strange how many men & women are so afraid of change. This last guy I dated said the new vagina was too tight and hurt him. So I broke off the relationship immediately. The one from last year said it was too loose and I lost too much weight. Well F---k them both. I am doing me and I will not allow no human being to interfere with my journey to completness. 

I had the breast done and they are doing fine. Moved out and got my own place again in Los Angeles. I am loving life and doing me... 

I was able to drop 8 lbs an get back under 160 lbs.  I am happy and alive too.  never change for anyone. I should have known that with the weight

I will doing a breast aug and lift by Dr Katen on June 18, 2010. I am so excited.  I have so much tissue lost that I need to get 500cc which is about a full D cup. Either way I would have chose a full D anyway.

I got a pair two weeks ago and boy what a difference in my legs, thighs, butt , and overall lower body.  These shoes really work and a great way to tone and lose weight at the same time. I was sore in my legs the first day so pace yourself if you get a pair. You can wear them all the time and during exercise.

I am going to get me another pair because I am wearing the others all the time.  They cost from $99 - $120 from different places but it is worth it.

Go Sketchers!!!

I am totally eating out of control and trying to build my self esteem.  I did all this work to lose weight and now all I hear is... "Your too skinny" or "You are not thick enough"  WTF is wrong with the world.  No matter what you are or where you are.  Acceptance is hard.  I need to learn to be happy with me and keep it moving. Its not easy when you are surrounded by people who think you are too small.  My boyfriend likes bigger women so  no encouragment to lose weight or keep it off there.  I meet men and they say I need to thicken up.  WTF.  I am so tried of this.  I'm being punished for wanting to be healthy and FAT free.   Society is total backwards.    I know I made the right choice. I just need to make myself believe it and stop eating out of control.  I already put back on 10 lbs and I hate it ..  I am exercising and watching it.  I signed up for exercise classes at the local park and rec.


I need out of this world of SHIT!  I want to take control of my life again. I was so happy the 6 months before and the year following surgery.  The freshness and excitement was a thrill ride. NO DRAMA...  I want that back...

I need to start by getting out of this relationship.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  He wants a thicker women, he wants someone with a big butt and big tits. I will never have that.  my body size is not designed for it so OH family.  You can see where most of this is coming from. 

I dont understand.  I was with a man that wanted a smaller women but a total A--Hole and now I am with someone that is nice to me but wants a thick women.   I keep asking my self,  What questions does God want me to answer?   I sometimes feel like I am being punished for making this decision.   That cant be..  I am struggling to find that place of peace again.

I have about 30 days left in my old stomping grounds.  LA BOUND for sure.  I got a new job with Blue Shield of California working in El Segundo which is near LAX.  I already have a place in Bellflower.  It is just a matter of moving now.  I am so excited. 

I have a personel trainer now to help me tone up the body and lose 10 lbs.  I have put some weight on since I stop my s-factor classes.  I am going to take up balley or modern dance once i get to LA. I need to stay active.  No luck on the baby front, I found out I have a funny shaped uterus and need SUPER meds to Fertizle these old eggs.  I am keep my hopes high and will not give up.

I have been drinking lots of water and noticed a difference in my skin. WOW that 64oz does make a difference on our body and taking all my vitamins.  I see too many of us lacking in these areas and it is not good.  OH family... Pls watch the H20 and vitamins because they are essential to our survive on this road to beat the FAT!!!!

Well I will be moving to sunny SoCal in May. I cant wait. I am finally ready to make the move after my mother's death.  I still cant focus at times because I miss her guidance but I manage...
I got a job offer from Blue Shield of California to work in El Segundo, CA so I am really excited about that.  Still trying on the baby thing and it has been a challege. My eggs dont seem to want to react to any of the meds. I am not going to give up on having a family.

I am moving with my current boyfriend. He left in Feb for a new job and I will go in May once school is out. It is going to be  tough 3 months without him but absences makes the heart grow.  Yeah right.

I havent really been feeling sexy as of late .  I need to do something to boost my self esteem. I worked hard to get here and now I am getting a lot of negative feedback for being skinny. I dont understand.  

I attended the OH 10 year conference in Los Angeles this past weekend. I was going down to get some love and support from fellow OH members and my WLS family.  I was a little disappointed at the reaction I recieved from a few people while at the conference.  I went there to feel at home and once be in an environment where I would be accepted no matter what.  To my surprised, I got some hurtful comments from a lot of people that I talk to.  Like ~ Why are you here? You look like you never had WLS.   Do you really need any support?  Are you plastic? WHAT THE F---!  I wouldn't be here if I didnt need support or information or just what ever I need.  Who are you to judge me for looking like a million dollar? Isnt this the reason we all chose this path?  Image is everything and drives our self esteem and how we feel about ourselves.  I looked like a million dollars now and always have even with the fat.  

Yvonne(Bariatric Girl) said it best ~~ Dont pre judge people for their outside appearance until you hear their story.  I can't help my fat is not hanging or I dont need plastics(from the outside).  Like I kept saying. Let me take my clothes off.  I even went as far as pulling up my shirt to show those igorant A-- folks my fat rolls.    I was really withdrawn for most of the remainer of the first day of the conference. I even went as far as not wanting to go back for day two. If my boyfriend hadn't reminded me that those folks are typtical in my life. No matter where we are; I get haters 24/7. Fat , skin, medium, It doesnot matter.  People do react to me the same way but hell, I thought I could go to the one place in the world and finally be accepted for ME!  That is what really hurt and it still does.
Anyway, I did go back the next day to get more information from the great vendors and attend 1 last seminar.  Why let those folks steal my joy or my self esteem again? NO WAY! So I returned the next day  and handled my business and left early.  Will I go to another conference? NO! I dont have time for that stress and negative vibes in my journey. If there is one thing anyone around me will say... I got rid of ALL(and I mean ALL) negative energy and drama when I begun this journey. HELL I went finacially broke to get rid of my negative Ex-husband so I am sure in the hell not going to let individuals I dont even know give it to me.

I will stick to the people in my life now who have been there and always will be.  LIke Eliz, Keiko, Morgan, my current boyfriend, my sisters and my niece & nephews. Those are the individuals who helped me from day one when I chose this journey. Gave me great advice and continue to support me.  Not one of them had the WLS so I know from the GRACE of GOD I am truly blessed.....

Well She passed away on August 17(my oldest sister's bday). My sister must be special because my father died in her arms. I am so scared. No one to talk to anymore when I am hurting. She always gave me strength when I was feeling down. She always knew  what to say to make it all feel better. All I can do now is try and remember what she would tell me to do. It is really a lonely world without your parent's guidance. Funny because we can't wait as kids to get away from them and now they are both gone. I am really scared.....