Jen Halliday

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Christmas is almost here and I am excited for it! Now, I haven't necessarily slowed down and really enjoyed Christmas season, but I have determined to do just that on and before the Day itself. I love this time of year: The magic, the glitter, the feeling of selflessness, the giving, the music.....aaahhhh! *contented sigh* This year, the thing I'm looking forward to most is the Christmas eating. Well, not the most; let me clarify. Last year on Christmas and Thanksgiving I ate a ton of food. I knew it would be the last time I would ever be able to do that. Thanksgiving this year was awesome!! I didn't eat a lot, but I was satisfied and I tasted every bite. I ate slowly and I looked people in the eye and enjoyed conversation, rather than shovel food in my mouth. And I made better food choices! I ate things that were better for my body and things that I got good nutrition out of. So, this Christmas, I can't wait to eat some good, healthy food; food that I don't feel guilty about! It's a whole new world! A whole new taste pallet!

I'm down to 183 now. I weighed last week at Dr. Cole's office. That's a loss of 149 pounds overall. I am happy with that. My goal is to be 170, so another 13 pounds. If I don't lose another pound, I am happy, healthy. I'm fine. However, I think I'll make it to my goal. This New Year, I'll be training to run a 5K in May. I'm excited about it and a little nervous. My friend Orion is a runner and he is going to train me. I'm nervous about that because he is no nonsense and I know he is strict about certain things. I do want to enjoy running, though, so I'll put my best foot forward. Or whatnot. Wish me luck!

Well, to all who read this: Merry Christmas! That's right, I don't say "Happy Holidays" because I think it's silly to defend the word "Christmas"! I will continue to say it for as long as I have breath. Enjoy your journeys, ladies and gents. It goes fast. Just sip, sip, sip and 1/2 hour later chew, chew, chew. And walk, walk, walk! Put good, healthy food with good, solid nutrition into your mouth this Christmas season! It's important to not only lose the weight, but maintain a good healthy lifestyle so you can stay around for a long, long time! Until later, all.....

Jen

I can't believe the journey has been so good to me. I hear of other people having difficulty or worse dying. I am defintely blessed that God has allowed me to experience good things through my journey. And the best part is I get to be a support for other people, those trying to go through the surgery and others that already have. 

So, I am 9 1/2 months out and I am doing great! On the weight loss end of things, I am down to 186 pounds, which is a loss of 146 pounds overall and 135 since surgery. Not too shabby. I feel great! Sandi Devine, the social worker through BSA in Horseheads, said at the last support group (this past Monday) that we should focus more on saying "How do you feel?", instead of "Wow, you look great!" While it's nice to hear those compliments (since as fat people we didn't get those very often) it's also important to focus on the real reason we got the surgery done: to feel better & be healthier. Our society focuses on outward appearance so much that some that've had this surgery feel like they should push to look good. I shared with the group when I first met with Sandi she said that some people's focus is to look good in a bikini. Honestly, I will probably never look good in a bikini, and I don't care! My goal is to be healthier and set up healthy eating habits, to have an Extreme Self Makeover: Bariatric Surgery Edition. What Sandi said sticks with me, though, and I have worked on keeping the focus on my eating lifestyle and changing my ingrained patterns. 

Work is going well. I interviewed for a new position at Wegmans. I am a cashier and cafe cashier now and I interviewed for human resource assistant. I am excited. So far, because it's Christmas time, I have more shifts as a cashier. However, I'll pick up a few shifts a week as HR assistant, then more as the holidays end. Lots of people are coming up to me and saying, "WOW! You look great!" "You look amazing!" and other similar things. It feels good to have people compliment me, but I know that one day soon the compliments will end. Until then, I have to learn how to accept compliments because they make me feel uncomfortable. I'm still kinda getting used to being a size 14! 

Oh my gosh, my friend Angela asked me to be in her wedding! She asked me to be a bridesmaid. I've never been a bridesmaid. About five years ago, my best friend asked me to sing at her wedding, but I've never walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid. I am so excited! My sister Joy was asked to be in the wedding, too. When we went for a dress fitting, I tried on this corset and the dress we're wearing and WOWZER! I didn't recognize myself. I looked hot. Well, pretty good. 

Well, later, ladies and gents. Good luck on your journeys! May God guide you and give you strength as you walk through your weight loss journey. And never forget to give back support to those who follow you. Remember how important support was when you were just beginning? Give back. There's nothing like it. Until later........

Jen

Where has the time gone? I stopped the other day to think about how far out I am, and it just amazes me that it's been over 8 months! I am constantly having WOW moments now. Let's see, where do I begin? How 'bout just what's going on with me now? I'm working at Wegmans, an upscale grocery store where I live. Still cashiering, however, I was just notified Friday that I got the position that I interviewed for at Wegmans: human resources assistant. I am excited! 

Let's see. What else? Well, weight-wise, I am down to 195, which is a loss of 137 pounds overall, and 126 since surgery. That is stinkin' awesome! I still have a difficult time with that, though, to be honest. I mean, it's hard not to see myself, still, as a severely morbidly obese woman. I have to carry pictures with me to remind myself. Weird. I guess I thought at the beginning of the process that I would be one of the ones that that didn't happen to. And yet it did. I don't know the remedy for that. What is the cure? How do I fix that self-image issue? I guess I keep an open dialogue with God and with my bariatric program's social worker. God has been a constant source of support. Honestly, I have grown leaps and bounds these last eight months; I feel like I've just become closer to Him. I am truly blessed and I will continue to tell people that. He is the reason I am still alive. He gave me the peace to get the surgery and He has been with me every step of the way. It's that simple. 

Besides that, not too much is going on. Well, yeah, tons of stuff is going on, but nothing, ofcourse, that I can remember so I can type it here! Of course! Well, my youth group is growing. I am a youth leader at my church, and good things are happening there. They are a good group of kids that seem eager to grow in God. I am proud of them and pray that they will always seek growth. 

Well, I think that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll write more later. Hopefully, not too much later. Until then, I hope your journey is going well. Enjoy it!

Jen

9-10-06
Wow! I just can't believe it has been so long since I've updated. For all of you pre-ops reading this, make it a serious point to update your journals as frequently as you can!! It's good thing for others to see progress, whether good or bad.

I've had a good six and a half months! It's been beautiful. God really has given me a 2nd chance and I do what I can with my new tool. Let's see, where do I begin? Hmm.....I weigh 206 pounds. That's an overall loss of 126 pounds and a loss of 115 since my surgery. I am thrilled. I've been telling people that if I don't lose another pound, I'll be happy. And I will. I am healthier than I have been in years. I move more, I eat better things, I make MUCH better choices, I have a great life. Thanks to my God, my Princess Pouchie, and the work I've done mentally to fix years of bad choices. Mmm. It's been a journey. But it's been a good one. I would do it over again.

Okay, so what kind of stuff do I eat, you ask? At 6 months out I eat whatever I want. No, not always. I guess I could, but I tread softly. I don't want to go back to where I once was. So, I experiment when the mood moves me. I eat healthier foods. Let me give you an example. This is what I had yesterday, for the highest totals I've had since surgery:
B- Whey protein shake with blueberries and 2% milk (which I hate, but had to use)
S-Light blended yogurt made w/Splenda & reduced fat string cheese (the lower the fat, the higher the protein content, in all the cheese I've seen!)
L-South Beach Diet Meal replacement bar (Chocolate Crisp)
S- 1 package salted peanuts
D- 1 cup Kashi Go Lean cereal w/1 cup 2% milk (blech!)

Now, the nutrition info for yesterday was: 1262 calories, 44 grams of fat, 132 grams of carbohydrates, and 103 grams of protein. That wasn't my best day, but I don't let myself lose sleep over getting too much this or that. I mean, I do, but I'm not obsessive about it. I have fun with my eating style. I make good choices. If I crave something, I think about it first: Will this be the best thing for me to eat? What are the consequences if I chose to eat it? I craved tomatoes with cheese the other day and I ate some. The difference is now I eat the cheese first because it's protein first, then everything else. Or I might crave ice cream. Well, most of the time, when I crave ice cream I either get a SF fudgsicle or I have a SF Klondike bar. I've had some not-so-good luck with Sugar Free ice cream; I've had a bad upset tummy. Maybe some day I'll try again with the SF ice cream. However, if not, I don't care.

What else? I don't exercise like I should, but I do have more energy. I, also, walk better. When I go out and walk, I can breathe! I feel like I can walk farther and farther each time I go out. Too bad I don't make it as much of a habit as I should! And I don't go to the gym. That is bad because I have excess skin that needs toning or removal. I'm not too worried about it (the removal part) because I'm still so new out of surgery. I do enjoy working out, I will say that, but I just don't do it on a consistent basis.

Well, I have to get off the computer because this has taken me about an hour to complete and that is just SAD. I take my time and peck away at the keys and leave to do something and come back and get distracted by other things. So, I hope I'll update soon and then I'll have more for you. Until then, God bless you on your journey and continue on the road. May He richly bless you in more ways than you can imagine!

Jen

7-16-06
Man, it has been TOO LONG since I've updated! Lots to tell, lots to tell. Of course, the main thing being that I am much healthier and happier than I have ever been in my life! I not talking about the number on the scale, folks. (although that is amazingly lower!) I'm talking about how I feel when I walk, how I feel when I work and don't get tired out so quickly. I mean, my back fat is smaller....c'mon, you KNOW you know what I'm talking about on that one!! I almost had to get a seperate bra for my back boobs pre-op!! Okay, not really, but CLOSE.  ;-)  I feel better now that my massive bosoms don't tug down on my shoulder blades when I walk or exercise! It doesn't hurt when I lie down on my back.....because my buns are smaller. I swear, my butt used to start at my shoulder blades and end at my knees! I swear! It's much smaller now.

Enough about my physique. When I went to the doctor's office, I found out that I have lost, overall, 101 pounds! Since surgery, 90 pounds are gone. YAHOO!!! That was about a week and a half ago. I was never really concerned about my weight loss; I knew it would happen because that's the nature of the surgery. That's what is supposed to happen. However, I have been (and remain) more focused on the eating part of my surgery. I want to make sure that my life doesn't go down the path that it was on before. I think that I'm doing okay. I could always improve, but I feel like I'm doing great in the eating department. I eat stuff like soy or veggie burgers, fresh avacado, fresh fruit & veggies, SF products, whey protein shakes, South Beach Diet Meal Replacement bars, and the list goes on.....of healthy things to eat!! I am thrilled to eat better, and I have a whole new pallette of things that I eat! My eyes are open to newer and better things!

And all honor and glory should be given to my Heavenly Father. He has given me the strength to carry on, through the rough times and the rougher times. I am who I am today because He gave me peace about my surgery, and the self-control to carry through with the tool He allowed me to get.

Hey, blessings to you all, pre- and post-ops! Strength and peace be to you!!

Jen

5-18-06
Where to start? Where to start? Um, I did the 5K on Sunday the 7th. It was amazing! I didn't run it, so it wasn't competitive. We (me and George) walked across the line in one hour, 5 minutes exactly. It was gratifying. I didn't get very winded hardly at all, and that was awesome. A couple times the course got rough and I was a little worried, but that passed quickly. Having someone there with me was great because the time went by so much better. I laughed so much! It was just a great time, and I highly encourage everyone to get active and stay active!

Let's see, what else? My work, Wegmans, is sending me down to Cherry Hill, NJ. Remember when I wrote that that was my goal, for me to return to work when I did so I could build strength and open a store in Cherry Hill? (refer to entry on 4-11-06) Well, our HR guy sent my name to be confirmed to go and they approved me for the first week of the Grand Opening in Cherry Hill, NJ!!! Awesome! I can't wait! It's going to be so exciting....and it's going to be tough work. So, I have to build my strength. *inhale and slow exhale* Good times. One of the front end coordinators at work is giving me a ride down & back, and we'll probably room together. *crosses fingers & toes* I'll update ya'll on what happens down there!

So, Saturday, May 27th, my youth group (I'm a youth leader) is hosting a massive teen block party. I've been planning that, along with the awesome aid of my youth workers! Man, it is exciting to be a part of the move of God amongst our nation's youth!! I wish you all could experience it! It's buckle-down week next week, where I plan the last details and go over with my pastor things that might still need to be done or fixed. So, wish me luck! We're giving away a Nintendo Gamecube and the theme of the day is FEAR FACTOR.

Ooop...I gotta go. It's dinner time. Let's hear it for split pea soup!! YEAH! Until later, God bless and peace to you in your journey!

Jen

5-5-06
So, it's been a while. I can't really write a lot right now because I have to get to bed, but I wanted to update a little. What's big in my life right now? I am doing a 5K this Sunday, May 7th. *trumpets blaring* How cool is that?!?! I am so stoked. My friend George is going to be walking with me. I asked him because I knew he'd be a great motivator. I hope he is! I just want to make it to the goal, which is to make it across the finish line in an hour or under. I am pretty sure I can do it. I hope I can. I'll let 'ya know. In other news, Wegmans (where I work) is sending me to Cherry Hill, New Jersey, to help open another store! I am thrilled and can't wait for the opportunity to do this!! YAHOOOO!!! It was a BLAST the last time I got a chance to do that. I'm stoked. Well, gotta go. I'll update later.....I'll tell 'ya all about my 5K!!!

Jen

4-11-06
Howdy, ya'll! Things are looking up. I went back to work last Wednesday, and yesterday officially. That means I picked up a shift last Wednesday, and yesterday was my first scheduled day. Ca-ra-zay! I was WRECKED last Wednesday and yesterday. Today was a bit better. And it'll only continue to get better! I told my store manager, Brett, that I needed to build up my strength so that I could be sent down to open up  a new store in Cherry Hill, NJ. He was excited for me. And he's very curious about the process; he asks questions and wants to know if I am okay and stuff. He's a nice guy, and I'm going to be sad when he transfers at the end of this week. Man! I mean, I just get back from 6 weeks off and he's leaving! What kinda junk is that?!?! Anyhoo, it's good to be back.

I'm so excited to see that I have a profile picture! I mean, I was flabbergasted to sign on and see my smiling face on the homepage! Whadda welcome! A better picture is going to be when I lose my excess weight and I'm a healthier person. I am much healthier now than what I used to be, but I have much farther to go. I am still a baby in this journey.

I'm learning about food in a new way and giving it the respect it deserves. I think about food, but not all the time now. It doesn't consume my thoughts. I think about what I'm going to eat and how I'm going to get more protein in and should I have mashed potatoes with bacon. It's an amazing journey!

I have no idea what else I was going to say!! No, seriously, I am so tired, I want to sleep on the floor right now! I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, especially if you're a post-op! Well, maybe later I'll get a burst of energy. More later and God bless!

Jen

3-30-06
So, lots going on. Yesterday, I puked. First time since surgery. Not happy about that at all!! I had eaten four shrimp with butter and a little shake of garlic powder and a teaspoon of mashed potatoes. I knew that I had eaten too much, but -OH!- it tasted SO GOOD! HOW DUMB WAS THAT?!?!? I mean, seriously!! I thought it went down okay, so I decided to go walking with my mom, nephew and their Doxie. I made it 2/10 of a mile when I started feeling like I was dying. I felt like stuff was just sitting there in my pouch. I felt gas pains, major cramps, and I was doubled over. My mom went to get the van to pick me up and we went to her house. I bent over the sink and BLEHHH! I looked at it and it was just a little thing. I kept "gooing" this slimy stuff. Not fun! However, afterwards I felt better. My doctor's office put me on fluids the rest of the day and today. I WILL (hopefully) NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! That was pain and agony! I thought to myself as I was waiting for my mom to come get me, "This is what dying feels like."

So, today I went to the doctor's office, my surgeon, and he released me to go back to work. It's been five weeks since my surgery. :( I don't feel like I'm ready to go back to work! For financial reasons, I am going back Monday...or he says that I can go back Monday. I have to get my surgeon's office to fill out a release to work form. No biggie. Dr. Cole explained it that when a person goes to work, they're no longer sitting around, they can be around other adults, they feel better because their co-workers are complimenting them, and they lose weight faster. Personally, I think he was just saying that, but hey. I know my body. When I have overdone it, I'll let them know.

Okay, I have to update later. My family is pressuring me to get off the computer so we can go out to dinner. See 'ya later...

Jen

3-22-06
Well, I'm out one month today!!! YAHOOOOOO!!!!! I am down 40 pounds overall and 29 since surgery. Oh, and I thought that Monday was supposed to be my advancement to soft solids.....nope! It's next Monday the 27th. I cried and cried and cried when I found out. Good thing I called Debbie at Dr. Cole's office before I went. It would've been embarrassing if I got all the way there and found out it was NEXT Monday. *sigh* I guess I was just looking forward to eating something with more substance than yogurt. It's okay. I have to look at it like there's a lesson God's trying to teach me in this waiting. Maybe it's that my pouchie needs more time to heal and gather strength. :) Yeah, that and I need to learn more patience. And I also need to learn how to treat the temple of the Lord: my body. *sigh* God is good, isn't He? He places His loving, gentle arms around you when you are at your lowest, and He carries you through. He has gotten me through some tough times, my friends. He got me through the surgery when I was convinced I was going to die on the operating table! Silly me! I think that sometimes He chuckles at His creations when we make assumptions and give in to fears like that! He also got me through when I was convinced that I had a blood clot and was going to die, i.e. every time I had "difficulty" taking a breath! Man, so much time wasted....time that I could spend praising God! So, from this moment....you know?! God is good, isn't He? One month, folks, one month. Here's to the rest of my life, bettering the temple of God!

Jen