Maybe not keeping it a secret

Jan 31, 2013

 

Until this moment, I had been planning to keep my RNY a complete secret, and being vague to those who knew I was having surgery, saying I was having a procedure to help my esophagus.

The more that I think about being vague, I'm starting to stress about those who are going to press me for details: FIL, who is going to stay with us for 4 weeks post op to help me with my 3 children, and SIL, who is an MD. Then when I see the relatives that I only see every 3 years or so, a sudden change of my weight will undoubtedly be a source of discussion.  They continue to ask me about my 3 c sections, the last of which was 2 years ago, so I doubt I will get off so easily.

I wish I had a thick skin to just tell the world and be able to deal with remarks, sneers, judgements. As a lightweight, I'm afraid people will try to say, "what made you think you needed it in the first place? Don't you know you're beautiful no matter what size you are?" Or some BS like that.

I so do not want to have to justify it to absolutely everyone who feels the need to ask about it and I know I'm not supposed to, but I totally care about what others think about me. Maybe this will change as my self esteem changes post op, but at this moment, I just want to curl up in a ball and avoid it altogether.

I wish I had some cajones and could stand up to the world and own my decision, particularly as a lightweight. The only friend I've told about my surgery is also MO and said to me when I told her, "Do you even qualify?? Are you 100 lbs overweight?"   I said, " yes, I am. I'm morbidly obese. Thanks for asking." 

Why am I so ashamed of this surgery? Please tell me I'm not alone.

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About Me
VA
Location
27.7
BMI
RNY
Surgery
02/27/2013
Surgery Date
Apr 27, 2012
Member Since

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