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Today I got an apt with the psychologist and dietician for Wls scheduled for April 18, 2008.  I will voice my concerns and moving towards change.  Keep me in your prayers.  Peace and Blessings

well I feel like I don't want to eat food is disgusting me.  Just want liquids or light stuff it seems that I eat the same stuff all the time.  My family and friends just do not get what it seems to be overweight.  Everytime I bring up the surgery I get discouraging comments well you have enough health problems I know people who have had the surgery and they seem worse.  My life has been filled with unhappiness due to be overweight jobs turn me down so what happens if and when I decide to have the surgery who will be by my side Am I going to be by myself .

I was discharged from the hospital on this past Monday.  I was diagnosed with PVC my heart skips beats I went in due to jaw pain but my test is what it showed I will have to make some changes my other test came back fine to show that I did not have a heart attack Praise God.  I was placed on Toprol and I cut out caffeine also I have to question if I can have gastric surgery.  I really to change my lifestyle for my health.

I am at a point where right now I am being what the the word of God calls Double minded.  You have your mind set on something and then ? start to arise and make you ask yourself and doubt your decision.  I went to a new Doctor and my blood pressure is high again and I am put on Glucophage he claims that if I stay on this medication and watch what I eat then I can lose the weight and not need surgery.  I think I let fear get a into my reasoning of what my life will be like.  Also I have a problem of not thinking that I am that heavy until it smacks me in the face when i cannot fit into clothes or I get on the scale.  One good thing is that I have given up soda again and I going to really try to stay focused with water and healthy beverages.  Any advice.

This last week and a half has been straight miserable I am trying to fiqure out why and what did I did to warrant all of this please I am asking for an answer and a solution my lights were shut off then it took a while for them to get put back on my primary care doctor would not sign my medical form so I could have them placed back on so for 2 days myself and children had 2 sit in the dark my cable was also shut off which did not allow my to work on my college classes and now my truck was just repossed.  I really have not been eating maybe once a day I do not eat very much there has to be a solution.  I just want to vent it is better than the way I was feeling i felt down and like boxed in frustration depression and just plain disappointment took my emotions I felt like a failure all this has happen before and I let it happen again I want to be a success with a better life.  Jesus said he would never leave nor forsake me.

I had my first apt yesterday i met with the doctor and the aprn jesse moore i was weighed and a little disappionted when I got on the scale it said I gained for pounds.  Well the doctor said I would be a good candidate for gastric bypass so we are starting the process.  Tommorow I have to go to a support group then meet with the dietician and psychologist.   I also have to have a ct scan to see if i have a hernia or not .  I am so looking forward to this process I know it is going to be a big change and challenging but I have something to to hope and look forward too.

I have new pics that i uploaded i am disappointed in myself i started drinking soda again i believe it is do to acessive stress.  Dating is a bitch maybe the persona i give off or it is just the fact that men don't want to deal w' a woman that has issues of going through a g-bypass i don't know.  was diagnosed w/ major depression and the Aprn who prescribes my medicine states that if they ask for her recommendation she will tell her that she does not feel that i am not ready that upset and pissed me off .  Her reason being was the fact that i do not take of myself by taking my meds, i feel she is totally wrong and I told her that i feel part of my depression is being overweight and that I have been 3/4 of my life and no one can understand that except me.  I take medicine for epilepsy , lack of progesterone ,cortisol, and depression.  I am blessed to be alive i even had blood clots in my lungs a couple of years ago.  I want to change and i want a positive lifestyle and have joy in my life for a change.

I look forward to be able when i am able not to eat so much i can partialy contribute the fact that i do not eat constantly I do not feel hungry plus when i do eat i eat the whole damn or go for seconds that is usually one time a day in the early afternoon.  I recently stopped drinking soda even though i do have a relapse here and there i have noticed that my clothes fit looser. Giving up soda is similar to an acoholic recovering from his or her illness.

I have decided that for my surgery that i would prefer to have the bypass instead of the lap band.  This is something that is for me and my choice only I have heard so many people from family friends and others tell me what they think the best choice for me is but with the exception they never lived with being severly overweight and everything that comes with it.  So my final decision came after deliberation the other evening and this is my final choice and I am going to stick with please keep in your prayers may all of you stay blessed and continue with goodness.

Well step one is completed i was so nervous yesterday i could hardly believe that i was going to go and start the process.  I actually shed a couple of tears you never really realize how deep your relationship is with food until the time comes to cope and step up and say okay time for a change.  Anyways it seemed like traffic took forever we got there about 20 mins late i was a bit frustrated i felt like i was going to miss a lot but in fact i did not  which made me happy the doctor who did the presentation was not the original one that i signed up with but i felt at ease and comfortable with him so that is who i chose , the doctor who was supposed to the information session came in last minute I think she was in surgery last and answered questions she very professional as well.  The impression I got was the the staff was a team working together to enhance our lives but like it was stated after surgery it is up to ourselves to maintain because weight can be gained back.  I chose the lap band procedure not saying that i will not my mind but this so far is what  I am comfortable with.