03-31-09

Mar 31, 2009

Wow!  I knew I haven't been on this site in awhile, but I didn't realize that it has been this long!  I would like to say that the reason is because my social life is keeping me too busy, but sadly...no.  I've been home reading steamy romance novels, living vicariously through ficticious characters & petting on my cats (I'm only up to two...so not quite cat lady yet).  Yes, when your 9 year old son tells you you need to find a man, you have to wonder if you have a problem.  Unfortunately I don't really know what my problem is.  Ok...I guess I do, but I have a few :) and I don't really want to admit to them all, so I'll give you just the biggest one.  And it's that I may have lost over 100 lbs, but I'm still the fat chick on the inside.  I still see myself as too big and not possibly attractive enough to attract the men I'm attracted to (I need to find my Thesaurus).  I'll be out with my sisters or mom and they will tell me that so & so was flirtting with me or such & such guy was staring at me, etc and I will have been clueless.  It never even registers.  It's like I assume that no one will take an interest, so I develop tunnel vision.  You know?  Anyway, it sucks, but what can you do?  I guess I just have channel Stuart Smalley and chant "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me" every morning in the mirror until I start to believe it.
Anyway, about my weight loss...I guess I can't complain.  I lost more than my doctor wanted me too.  I've maintained the same weight (or roughly around there) for the past year and a half.  I would like to loose more, but I'm happy and comfortable and don't want to kill myself dieting and exercising.  Which brings up the too things I'm not doing AT ALL!!  Unfortunately I can eat everything and on some occassions do.  I still can't eat alot in one sitting, but I will take bites of anything on anyone's plate who will let me (or won't notice).  I have had zero problems with anything except for about a year ago I developed a random pain in my chest.  I thought I got something stuck (it had never happened before) but then it happened again about 5 months later and this time it was worse and after I ate oatmeal.  It has been happening closer and closer apart but I never did go to the doctor until today and she thinks it's my gall bladder.  I go for an ultrasound in two days, so we'll see what happens.  Anyway, I'll have to update my stats and pictures and all that jazz.  Probably this weekend...who knows?

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