hannahs_mom

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September 2, 2006--I'm still waiting to hear and I'm getting really depressed. If I have to end up paying for it myself, I'm having this surgery. My asshole brother won't let me know anything about my grandfather's estate so I'm waiting about that too. If I could get some money from that then I could just go ahead and do this. I'm sorry, but I hate my brother. I know you're not supposed to hate anyone but after the way he's treated me I just can't help it. Here is a list of reasons why I want surgery and what I want to do afterwards:

* I want to be around to see Hannah grow up and raise her own family.

* I want to be able to play with Hannah without getting tired too quick--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to buy clothes off the rack and know they'll fit--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to go to a "normal" clothing store and buy cute clothes--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to wear a bathing suit without a cover up--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to wear lingerie--DONE!!!

* I want to be more comfortable with sex--still working on it

* I want to stop pulling at my clothes all the time trying to hide my stomach--almost

* I want to look in the mirror and smile instead of cry--DONE!!!

* I want to go to my 10 year high school reunion in 3 years and have people say, "wow she looks really good" instead of "wow she's still fat and ugly"--we'll see

* I want Hannah's friends to not tease her about her fat mama--probably

* I want to be able to sit and stand for long periods without having to move or start hurting--DONE!!!!

* I want to not sweat like a pig even when it's a comfortable temperature--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to wear whatever I want without worrying if it looks gross--DONE!!!

* I want to weigh less than my husband--DONE

* I want my diabetes to be under control and my high blood pressure to be resolved--DONE!!!

* I want to have more kids--soon

* I want to have better pregnancies than my last one--hopefully

* I want to be able to gracefully get up out of the floor--lol..never probably

* I want to have better self esteem--almost

* I want to enjoy having my picture taken instead of avoiding every camera I see--almost

* I want to have pictures made with Hannah and Jason and look good instead of looking like a big fat pig--kinda

* I want to stop wasting money trying every diet imaginable--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to comfortably sit in a normal size chair--DONE!!!

* I want to be able to cross my legs--DONE!!!!!!!!!!

* I want my constant back pain to go away--nope

* I want to be able to wear my rings I've outgrown--DONE!!!!!!

* I want normal size watches and bracelets to be a little loose instead of too snug--DONE!!!!!!!!!

* I want to walk through the house without it sounding like a herd of buffalo running through--DONE!!!!!!

* I want my daddy who is deceased to be proud of me. He always wanted me to lose weight--I hope so

* I want to be happy--getting there

* I want my risk of heart attack and stroke to be diminished--I hope it is

I'm sure there are tons more but these are what I could think of off the top of my head. If any of you are praying for me please continue to do so. God bless!!

September 20, 2006--PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE PROTEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been bouncing off the walls ALL day since Beverly called and told me I'm approved. I'm gonna call tomorrow morning and hopefully schedule the surgery for October 6. I really hope I can get that date. The only thing now is making sure Hannah is taken care of while I'm in the hospital. I guess my mom's gonna keep her. She smokes and I really didn't want Hannah around it but she said she'd go outside so I guess it's cool. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying not to get too excited til I'm actually being rolled into the OR cause I don't want to jinx it. I pray I'll wake up. That's the MAIN thing I'm scared about. I hope God will allow me to come through ok so I can be a healthier mom for Hannah.

September 29 2006--5 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOO excited!!!!!! I started my soup, salad, sandwich diet today and I'll do that til Tuesday. Then I'll do liquids then the day before surgery I'll drink the stuff that cleans me out...can't wait for THAT!! lol...My mom is gonna come here to stay with Hannah. I'm so glad..she's not too happy about it though. That's tough. It's not gonna hurt her to help me out ONCE. Heck, I'm paying for her to board her dog, buying her food, giving her gas money...my gosh. I just want Hannah in her own environment for that long. If it was only for a day or two I don't guess I'd care. Mama smokes and I just don't want Hannah around it. Her dr. says to keep her away from it and even if he never said that I'd still feel the same way..so...she can deal with it for 3 days. AKKKKKKKKK!!!!! 5 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!! I can't wait to be a loser!!!! **happy dance**

August 18, 2006--I called last week and the info has been sent to the insurance company. Now I have to wait. I'm not patient at all and I'm becoming pessimistic about the whole thing. I want to have this surgery so bad it's making me sick with worry and anticipation. Like many here, I've gone through hell dealing with the stares, whispers, and large number of health problems my entire life and I'm only 25!!! My PCP which is my diabetes doctor didn't act very supportive about this when I went for a checkup a couple weeks ago. He seems to think that insurance will think I'm young and need to try other things before surgery. Well good grief, that's why I want to do this!! Everything else didn't work!!! Oh well. Anyone who reads this, will you please please pray for me that this will get approved soon. I will pray for those of you waiting for surgery and those who are post op. God Bless!!!

August 29, 2006--I'm still playing the waiting game. I just don't understand how 5 other people with Anthem insurance were approved in a week or less and I've been waiting for 3 weeks. I realize there may be different plans but according to a certain someone who shall remain nameless "all insurances are the same". Well if they're the same then why can't I just get approved already. I'm so frustrated. I could pay for this surgery myself but I don't want to deplete my account that much at one time. I wish I could pay for it then get approved and reimbursed. Why does it take 30 days to look at paperwork and make a decision? My BMI is rediculous and I have so many things wrong it's pitiful. So why can't they see the need for it? I want to have this before the end of the year so I can enjoy a summer then try for another baby. I'm so sick of this!!! I want to ask anyone who reads this to pray for me to have strength and patience and for this to be approved. I would be very grateful.