Happytall1
Journey 2009
Feb 14, 2009
February 21, 2009I have lost 84 lbs to date - wow this is the wild ride that everyone has been telling me about! Although I have not gone down but a couple of sizes - I am excited about the journey of going down and not up. I keep remembering in my head to focus on the protein and stay away from the carbs! I remember people saying when you get to goal then you can add carbs. It is exciting and scary for me to think about getting to goal since I have never been below 200 at any time I can remember in my life - of course I am sure my mom will tell you that I didn't weigh 200 at birth but you get what I am saying. I have been thinking that my interrupted sleep cycle could be why I am so tired. I take my vitamins regularly - but have sometimes taken them late (I am human). I have switched to the pettite calcium......which are easier for me to swallow. I can take the big ones but it is just easier when you take so many pills. Tonight I went to the PRETTY IN PINK dinner for the TMB and when I ran my fingers through my hair - a few stands came out.........I am wondering if this is the beginning of my hair loss? As I am thinking of growing my hair out.....of course this would happen :o). I need to start doing more free weights so I can build up my muscle OR at least make sure it doesn't go away. I am trying to write down my food intake to make sure I get enough protein but I think I need to work more on my fat intake (feels strange saying that). I met a man the other day who is planning on having WLS and although he told me he did not look like his picture I was surprised when meeting in person because it looked like they weighed at least 100 lbs more. I struggled with this because although I feel open to meeting people and helping in any way I can.......he did not look at all like his picture. At one point in talking, emailing I felt like there could be a connection.....and then meeting face to face it took me back and I then realized I had somethings I needed to deal with. I was up front and honest with him and told him I could be his friend and help him in his journey but not sure about anything else. I think the hard part for me is I don't want someone judging me because of my weight but this is what I did with him........well at least I was honest and told him that I would be his friend which is more then most men would do for me. I can see where they tell most people to wait at least a year before getting into a relationship because you go through not only the physical but mental challenges. At least I realize this and that is half the battle. I am looking forward to more moments where the light bulb comes on!
February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day - is usually my least favorite holidays of the year! I don't like the holiday because usually I am alone or hoping, wishing, expecting someone to be in my life to make this day better. BUT in reality I am the only one who can choose to make this day better. It is time that I love myself -because until I do..... how can I expect anyone else to love me? If I don't feel worthy of love then how can I expect someone else to show me more love. I went to our DFW DS support group last night and I meant to ask a veteran WLS patient how she deals with self image. She has been so successful - a true role model and yet I wonder how or if she deals with images, feelings of her past body. For me I have been overweight for 40 years so this is all I know and to be losing weight and changing my body image is great but for me the mental part is the hardest thing. I know my mind is the most powerful thing and if I can think it but THEN actually believe it - that is one thing. I think visualization is important and I wish that there was a computer program that you could morph your picture and be able to visualize yourself in a smaller image. It is hard dealing with the "tapes" that have played in your head for so long. I am usually a very outgoing person with most everyone and can make friends easily but I am always wondering what someone thinks of me and if they will accept me. I am sure it goes back to childhood and the fear of being abandoned so I want everyone to like me YET in my head I know that is not going to happen. So basically today I want to focus on trying to love myself more and realize that people WILL come and go in my life AND that is okay - I will be okay that I can not control when people decide to leave. I think that is the key I want control! I controlled food in the past........well actually it controlled me. I think it is scary when you don't have the old vices to deal with life. I can see where dual addictions can come into play. Now on to the real point of the post - I am over half way on my journey as of toady!! I have lost 50% of my EBW in 3 months and 2 weeks!! I want to try and keep track of somethings also. I had problems with Celebrate vitamins which tasted so good BUT they contain sorbitol and it caused so much gas - I had to return them. I have not had any hair loss, acne to this point. I still feel tired and ordered some iron from Vitalady. Speaking with other DS patients I think I am not eating enough fat. I switched to the petite citracal and take those easier. I have noticed facial skin showing more wrinkles and that is because of losing so much weight -NOT because I am getting old (right?? -laughing).
I have struggled getting enough water in and some days getting enough protein. It is amazing how some days seem so easy to get it all in and others are a struggle. I still have not had any carbonation - drinking crystal light, sf kool-aid, lemonade, tea and fuze. I am still looking for that magic drink that will be as good as diet coke - something I could get through a drive through...but haven't found it yet. I drink my chocolate wal-mart brand protein with the chocolate carb countdown milk. I like steak, chicken, eggs, cheese and am eating more salads. I have tried walnuts toasted in the oven covered in melted butter and brown sugar - high protein!! I think one of the struggles with this surgery at this point is that I can not eat as quick I use to and my lifestyle (heck every one's is) fast paced. I am having to slow that part of my life down and it is hard since for 40 years I have learned to eat in a rush. BUT if I want to be successful then I have to change the way I do things - I knew this from the beginning. Knowing something and doing something is the HARD part and nothing in life worth doing is easy. I think those people who fail at WLS - want the quick fix or don't want to do the HARD part. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to do it but I also know that if I want to be a success that is what I need to do. I also know that it is a proven fact when you write down everything you eat - those people keep their weight off ..........so if it is proven then why do I not do it consistently - cause it is HARD!! LOL I never said I was perfect but I am going to keep trying!!
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About Me
TX
Location
23.7
BMI
Surgery
10/29/2008
Surgery Date
Apr 20, 2008
Member Since
