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18 days and a wakeup.   Seems like forever; but I guess since I got my surgery date back on 11/28...it's really flying by.

Been going strong since I joined the gym.  Getting up and out so I"m there when they open at 5:30am and home by 6:30am.

Today (Saturday), I went to the 45 min step class.  I forgot how good it feels to get a good cardio thing going.  I was beat...but it felt good.

I saw alot of the people that was going there when I was a member several years ago.  Some look the same but  some have lost LOTS of weight.  I felt so ackward and ashamed that I have allowed myself to gain this much weight .  Some spoke to me and said "Glad to see you back", that kind of made me feel welcomed.  I didn't miss a beat on the aerobic steps....I was hanging in there....Now I remember why I loved going to this gym in the past; they have the BEST step classes you can ask for.

Oh yeah, I met my first goal of keep a complete food log for 2 weeks straight.  Well, it's been about 15 days now...but that's good for me.  One goal met (and this will have to be a lifetime of food journeling); many more to go.

18 days...hehehe 

I joined the gym yesterday.  Have been threatening to do this for a minute; but finally just gave in and did it.  The trainer told me to concentrate on cardio for the next 2 weeks as to strengthen my heart so I can have a speedier recovery.  I was surprised because when I told her I was having the surgery, she gave me some really good info and also shared that there are 7 other members that have had this surgery.  She was very supportive and told me to drink LOTS AND LOTS of water now and use vitamin E oil on my skin every day as to try to get some elasticity back in my skin.

She told me that she doesn't think I'll have much problem with hanging skin afterwards....she said she could be wrong; but with my body makeup right now; she doesn't think it'll be to bad.

On the 21st I'll meet with her and she'll give me a toning routine; but for now she wanted me to focus on the cardio.  Only 30 mins right now as not to over do it with to much.  she'll up it when we meet again.

the alarm went off at 5:20 and I was at the gym at 5:45 and back home by 6:30...I think my inner/outter theighs hate me right now cause they ache; but that's a good thing, so I"m not complaining.

20 DAYS AND A WAKE UP TO SURGERY

so I walked 1.94 ml in the rain this morning.  Did like yesterday, walked my son to school and kept going.  It was so peaceful.  I was listening to a song on my IPOD called "PLACE OF WORSHIP" by Marvin Sapp.  Some of the words in the song say "EVERY LOW PLACE IN YOUR LIFE, PREPARES YOU FOR YOUR HIGH PLACE ...".  As I walked and listened to this song, my heart became so heavy for those who travel down this road, lost alot of weight and then become cold hearted to those who are still fat and/or in the weight struggle....as if they were never there and forgot what the pain feels like.

I feel like this low place in my life is preparing me to have continued compassion for those in this struggle.  Even in the high place of my weight loss (I"m not there yet, but I believe God for everything He has for me....INCLUDING my weight loss)...I'll be able to reach out to those just beginning this journey or even those who have chosen not to travel this road...COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, AND ENCOURAGEMENT...no matter what.    OK...I try not to get so spritual , but I needed to say this for some reason.

Thank you all for continued support of me.  That there shows you what I'm talking about! Compassion and continued encouragement, no matter where you are in this process.

22 days and a WAKE UP!

OK, so the Gazelle is still in my office staring at me as if to say "hey, why'd you pull me out of the closet if you're not gonna use me.  I'm cold out here"...I heard um say that, I truely did....but still, when the alarm went off at 5:20 ..like, not today.

So I got dressed to walk my son to school and kept walking beyond the school.  I made a big square around the block and ended up walking 1.85 miles.   It's not much, but it is definatly better that zero.  I"m hoping to convence my  husband to walk with me when he gets home so I can get more purposeful walk time in (outside of what I do normally during my day)...IS IT STILL MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL?  If so, I can forget the walk...unless I do it alone.

Last night I had a moment.  I was str8ning out my closet and I went into a fit or something.  I got so overwhelmed (hurt, pissed off, etc).  I looked at my clothes and just resented them.  I hate being fat...not being me because the fat does not define me...but it is such a big part of me (excuse the pun ) and I just hate it.  I began to snatch down everythig I knew I wouldnt' wear between now and surgery.  My friend Favored convenced me to keep a couple of things, just to take pics in when I lose the weight; but beyond that....most is going bye bye today.  I do have some thigns from my 5 years ago weight that I kept...I can't wait to zip them up and see my butt again.

Anyway, today is day 10 of consistant tracking of m y food (yes, even the chicken and biscuits).  I promised myself I'd track EVERYTHING and not just the stuff that was good for me.  Why did we (or did meif I"m the only one) only write the good stuff onthe weight watchers tracker?  I never tracked the chips, cookies, cake...none of that;as if if I didn't, it wouldn't count overall.  that's hecka funny (my daughters lingo).

Hvae a good one.  Sorry about the long entry....I'm chatty today I guess.  NO!  I'm energetic from my walk this morning.  23 days and a wake up

I have been so excited because I've been diligent at tracking what I eat, even when i "mis" eat.  I even tracked the Baker's Square pie and the Popeye's biscuit.  I was floored at how many calories these things contain.   I see now why I'm Morbidly Obese....it ain't hard to get that way with the food I've eaten all my life.

Anyway, today I'm just encouraged; my spirit is happy.  My friend "favored"  goes to her appointment on Wednesday to get her 'clearance' and surgery date.  Let's keep her up in prayer that she gets the timeframe she wants as well as all the household things just come into order and she be amazed at how God works it out.  I can't wait for she and I to get this over with.  It's been a journey and a half to say the least. 

Just 25 days and a wakeup.  Somewhere along the way I got off track and was a day behind...but it's 25 days and a wakeup from today. 

So I pulled the Gazelle out of the closet...that's a first step.  Maybe tomorrow I'll actually use it.  BABY STEPS right.  When that alarm went off at 5am..i'm like WHAT, not today.  So hopefully tomorrow I can get on track with this thing....I really need to get in some consistant exercise.

I have been eating pretty good; tracking everything.  Drinking a shake at least once a day.  LOVE the protein vanilla shakes.  I've bought/ordered several samples sizes and all the vanilla's seem to be good.  Bought the Body Fortress today.  HOping I l ike it as it'll save on the shipping/handl'g if I can just go into a store an buy it.  Told a co-worker today who just returned from medical leave about my surgery.  She made me feel so bad.  Told me it was such a risky surgery and it  just isn't worth it, etc.  It didn't allow that to discourage me; but was just a little put off that she went so deep in with her opinion when all I did was tell her because she'll be doing some of my work when i'm out ...anyway, that was my day; but  I'm still on the count down to the new me....and no one can discourage me from that.  27 days and a wake up.

29 days and a wake up.  Gosh, yesterday and previous days I did awesome as far as watching what I ate...even seafood gumbo and the other good food at the New Years Eve party...but today!!!! I"ve not done great.  I feel OK though...Back on Track.  I"m supposed to begin walk/jogging but I can't push myself cause it's cold and a storm is supposed to be moving thro9ugh here by Thursday (I keep making excuses though).  I have a Gazelle, I guess I can use that...but I gotta dig it out.  Need to do that.

I'm becoming xtremely anxious now...I wish my date was sooner so I could get it over with.  I took some full body shots today in some gym shorts and a T that my sister bought my several years ago when I was going to the gym.....I'll  begin journeling with pictures.  I would to be able to look back and see the difference.  My daughter laughed at me when I put that little gym set on; but I'll be the one laughing in the end.

Interestingly enough, when I go onto others websites and show her the before/after pictures, she gets so excited for me......My whole family h as been very supportive and cool about this whole trip.

30 days and a wake up!  I am so excited, even though I don't have anythig to wear tonight...luckily it's not a formal affair; but anyway...all I can think about is getting to my date in 30 days.

I've actually been adopted by someone on this site and she is a weath of information, encouragement and just seems to have a big heart.    Has given me sound advice thus far and I"m hoping I can be a help to someone after I get on my feel and get this thing moving....

My friend "favored" is also on this journey with me.  I'm sending a shout out to her because she freaks out about going to the DARK SIDE...but she'll be just fine....and she'll have her date on the 9th when she meets with her Nut..  Hopefully we'll be wheeled into the surgery OR at the same time (different hospitals though :( )....she's been a great support to me. she helped me find my doctor and is very excitable; which excites me.  I can't wait for our journey to begin on the losing side.  This is one time in my life I am counting on being a BIG LOSER.

Haven't been very consistant in tracking things on this blog...but I"ve been preparing for surgery none the less.  I've been a little down because none of my clothes look nice on me.  Going to a New Years Celebration and nothing to wear.  I refuse to buy anything as I don't plan on being this weight again nor this size for to much longer.

I did get a little tickled the other day as I pasted a plus size appeal store and thought to myself "I'm not even going in there.  That won't fit me in a couple of months".  

As I strolled through stores this holiday season, I eyed so many things and was like, "this time next year, I'll be wearing YOU".  That's really what keeps me going.  Although my health will significantly improve and the aches in my knees will go away, I look forward to feeling good about the way I look too. 

Tomorrow's New Year's Eve...In the past, I would have been thinking saying, Well, ANOTHER YEAR HAS GONE BY...but now I'm looking forward to the new year and the new me.

228.2  that's like 6 lbs since Sunday.  how awesome.  As the dietician suggested, I"ve started tring different protein shakes so i'll have 3 or 4 that i like for after surgery.  In doing that, i've also cut out some of the other stuff that  i've been eating and using the shake as a mea replacement.

I'm jazzed.