I had a dream

Jan 16, 2009

I was morbidly obese despite the daily denial.  I had dark skin in areas (neck, armpits, under breasts) and my tummy protruded out farther then my chest.   Yet I told myself and everyone else that I was happy.  I didnt think I ate too much, I just thought I ate at the wrong times (late at night for example).  I kept telling myself that, when I get thinner I will go this and I will do that.  I slowly was starting to have difficulty doing things...walking was exhausting unless I was with someone who by talking with me could distract me away from the leg cramping.  I couldnt ride all the rollercoasters anymore.  I needed an extension on an airport. 

Then I was tired of waiting...I was ready...I had the DS. 

The darkened skin vanished, the tummy vanished, the limitations vanished, the energy arrived, and real happiness was finally felt.  I look back at old pictures and I cannot believe that used to be me.  This..now..has always been me...just hidden away from the world and from myself by fat.  Im ready now to do everything I always put off...I no longer need ot wait or worry about what I will look like doing certain things.  I got my dream...I got a second chance. 

I no longer look at other people and wish I could give them 50 pounds of my own fat (b/c they could use some weight and it would be an even trade) - I no longer tried to make deals with God if he'd only let me wake up thin. I no longer look at others and wish to trade places with them.  I want to be me now...I am my dream.  I dont have to dream for anything else...I can live the way I was always meant to...happily.

I had a dream to be normal and the DS helped me make it come true. 

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