14 Months Out and Feeling Normal

Jan 28, 2009

 I spent 35 years (since I was a teenager) counting calories, points, grams, blah, blah, blah and it never worked!!  

I’ve had a bit of a mind-shift this week. Instead of worrying about if I lost “enough” and could I do “better,”  I’m trying to live like a “normal” person. Which means paying attention to how the naturally thin people in my world eat. For instance I have a sister who has always been a healthy weight—she eats whatever she likes, and if it’s not particularly “healthy” she only has a little bit of it. That’s what this surgery has done for me—it helped me to do what I could not do for myself before—my portions are obviously much lower than they have been since I was a SMALL child.  She also walks every day (which I’ve just started to do, finally!!). She pays attention to what she eats and makes sensible choices—without counting every calorie, gram and point, etc…   

So like I say, that is how I want to live my new life—I know that we’re having a Superbowl get-together on Sunday and maybe I’ll have a few less-than-healthy snacks, so for the next few days I’ll pay more attention to the things I do choose, and maybe I’ll plan to walk a little extra on Monday and Tuesday.  When I’m shopping I buy whole grain bread, brown rice and whole grain pastas—because I know they are healthier for me.  But I don’t count the numbers on everything I put in my mouth and for the first time in my life I feel NORMAL!!  That’s what this surgery has done for me.  

That said, it’s what works for me and I’m pretty contented with my weight loss. I still weigh 175 pounds and I still wear an XL top and a 16/18 bottom (skin is an issue there too) and part of me wouldn’t mind loosing another 10 or 15 pounds. I’d be happy wearing a large and a 12/14, and probably if I paid more attention to the numbers I’d be there by now. But I’m loving life and I’m feeling more and more confident that I can make better food choices without worrying about numbers.  
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The honeymood is over <sigh>

Oct 06, 2008

Well, I knew it was going to happen, sooner or later. I've only lost about a half pound in the last month. I can not complain though, since I eat whatever I want and I've done little to NO exercise! It was fun while it lasted--for the first time in my life I could eat what I wanted and drop pounds. And drop them I did, so like I said no complaining.

Now I need to kick it up a notch!  Time to fire up the Wii Fit! Let's see how I do this month with 1/2 hour or so of organized exercise. See you next month. :-)

Dare to Dream! August 4, 2008

Aug 04, 2008

Someone asked me yesterday if all my dreams have come true. She's the sweetest woman. Someone I know from church who has always been a huge supporter of mine. She told me how beautiful I look (and she said, "you always were beautiful, but now you look so healthy too!).  Then she said, with love and warmth, "So have all your dreams come true now, you must be so happy." 

I wasn't sure how to respond.  I just said something like the results from the surgery has really surpassed any of my expectations. The question really threw me for a loop.  I'm not sure how many "dreams" I had attached to my weight, or loss of weight.  Many of my "dreams" had already come true -- even when I weighed over 300 pounds.  I was married to a great guy (and still am, by the way).  My sons survived the teenaged years with hardly a scrape -- they are in their early 20s and never got into any serious trouble -- stayed out of the whole drugs and alcohol scene, etc... I had a job I really liked (and still do). I had a comfortable home (and still do), etc...

So I've been thinking about my "dreams" and if they've now come true.  Maybe I just didn't have the guts to hope for big dreams when it came to weight loss surgery.  I'd "dieted" and failed so many time before that I had a "wait and see" kind of attitude.  I honestly didn't have huge expectations. I'm surprised every single morning when I step on the scale and discovered I'm down a few more ounces.  I can't believe that this morning I weighed 181.6 ounces -- just about 12 pounds from my doctor's goal.  When the Nurse Practitioner said I should easly be able to get to 170 (when I was weighing in at close to 300) I just nodded and said, "oh, really? that would be nice."  But I never thought I'd ACTUALLY get even close!! Never, ever, never.

So I guess, yes, my dreams ARE coming true...even the dreams I didn't dare to dream!  I fit comfortably in clothes. I fit comfortably in crowds. I zip up and down my stairs at home without a second thought. I walk my feet off shopping and running errands and then have energy to do more at home. I'm not afraid to meet new people. I feel GREAT!!  So there you have -- dare to dream. This surgery CAN change your life!!

Vacation 2008 -- down over 100 pounds!

Jul 27, 2008

Wow. What a difference a year makes! Vacation this year was so different from last year. I remember feeling so uncomfortable and so out of place last year.  This year, everywhere I went I felt "normal."  This surgery has been the best decision for me.  I'm posting that because I remember when I was researching the surgery I scoured profiles looking for people's "long-term" reactions--were they happy with their decision--did they have any regrets? Well I'm definitely happy!!  It's got it's trials, some days I just want to eat for the fun of it--but giving up food as a recreation is so worth the pay-offs.  I feel great. 

Cheap date!! May 24, 2008

May 25, 2008

Not only do I eat an appetizer for dinner, I get loopy on 2 sips of wine!  It's true, what they say -- you get drunk much, much faster. I had a glass of white wine last night and was so surprised by how fast it went to my head!  I then had a glass of water (thought it was good advice to have a glass of water for every glass of wine), then I had another glass of wine an hour or so later and then more water.  After 2 glasses of wine it occured to me I'm a very cheap date.  There's no way I could have had any more...in the old days I could have drank a bottle of wine and been fine. How trippy!

Body Image -- May 4 (six months)

May 04, 2008

I have to say that’s the strangest thing about this whole process – I was 316 at my highest, today I’m just under 200 and I STILL see the exact same person I always saw.  I can’t figure out if I didn’t see that I was as big as I was…or if I’m not seeing I’m so much smaller…or maybe it’s a little of both.  Yesterday I had on a dress that belongs to my step-daughter.  I still need to lose another 10 pounds for it to be “perfect” – but the fact that I could get it on…and I could even wear it outside the house if I wanted to is incomprehensible to me.  I finally understand what it means when people say that anorexic people see themselves as fat (not that I’m anorexic).  It's the strangest thing ever. Not bad, just odd.


April 28, 2008 -- 200 pounds!

Apr 28, 2008

Holy freaking moly...if I may say...

I'm at 200 pounds even. I stepped on the scale and it said 199.8 and I yelped and jumped off . Then stepped back on and it said 200. Then again, 200, then again, 200. I guess I'll have to wait for Onederland...but I'm sooooooo close! This is so exciting -- I can not even belive it!!

Five Months -- Doing Great

Apr 06, 2008

Tomorrow it will be 5 months since surgery.  Sometimes it seems like it was just last week, other times it seems like a lifetime ago!  I'm down to 207 pounds which blows my mind. I never thought I'd get below 240.  I'm feeling great and looking pretty good from the waist up.  I still have that heavy bottom pear shape.  I can't really complain though, since it's really only been about 5 months and I'm ashamed to say I have done NO exercise.  I just don't think of it for some stupid reason.  I am definitely a lot more active though...I probably go up and down the stairs 4 or 5 times--used to be just once...I came down in the morning and didn't go back up until bedtime.  I feel as if my house has grown because I'm not afraid to go up and down the stairs on a wim.  i don't worry about where I'm going to park the car...I just park in the first spot I come to.  

I'm tolerating food really well.  I'm eating no more than a cup at each meal.  I'm trying to eat as much like a "normal" person as I can.  If I want something -- I have a couple of bites, period the end.  I don't make a big deal out of it and I don't apologize for it.  I'm trying to have a healthy, comfortable relationship with food.  I have mild "dumping" symptoms if I over-do though, so that keeps me in check.  I had a half a piece of pizza and then a small piece of cake at a birthday party -- that knocked me on my butt for an hour--just got really sleep and crampy.  I would have been just fine with the pizza OR the cake, but the combination was just too much.  Lesson learned.  A couple of times I had one bite too many and felt awful and got a mild case of the foamies...so now I don't push it -- I THROW it away...with no guilt.  

The weather is finally getting warmer so I expect to be outside more and hope to get into hiking and exploring the neighborhood in the coming months. 

Happy Easter!

Mar 23, 2008

This morning at church people told me that I really needed to change the picture on the staff page for church because I look so different...so I took a couple of head shots...and this is the first time I really, really, noticed a difference.  This surgery is working!  And I'm feeling GREAT!  I'm going to see if I can figure out how to load the same head shot here.


March 6 -- Just uploaded new pix

Mar 06, 2008

Well I just uploaded the 4 month pix.  I can really see the difference in these photos.  I'm feeling great and I've been avoiding the JUNK!  It works when you put your mind too it.  Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who gets sick every time they eat anything with sugar in it.  Oh well...I guess this is me being "normal."  I have to make choices and live my life in a world of sugar.  

I cannot believe I'm in the "teens" -- I was at 219.4 this morning.  Unbelievable!! 

About Me
Syracuse, NY
Location
28.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/05/2007
Surgery Date
Oct 26, 2004
Member Since

Friends 33

Latest Blog 64
The honeymood is over <sigh>
Dare to Dream! August 4, 2008
Vacation 2008 -- down over 100 pounds!
Cheap date!! May 24, 2008
Body Image -- May 4 (six months)
April 28, 2008 -- 200 pounds!
Five Months -- Doing Great
Happy Easter!
March 6 -- Just uploaded new pix

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