HeatherCat

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

French Fries, we have to talk.

I don't know how to say this, but –

I can't see you anymore.

I just can't do it—the clandestine meetings, the sneaking around—it's just too much for me. My husband is beginning to suspect something.

Just yesterday, he found one of you on the floor of the car. I laughed nervously and denied everything but I think he knew I was lying.

I felt so ashamed!

And it started me thinking - I really love him!

We made a promise to each other, and I know you probably can't understand this, but our life together means more to me than anything.

I know, I know, we've had some good times together and yes, you've been there for me -- like the time I was so upset when my boss got mad at me. And when I was so nervous about giving that speech.

No, no, it's not you, it's me! I've changed.

I've found some new ways to deal with my emotions. And they're really helping. One thing I do is meditate or pray every night. Nothing happened at first, but over time, I find myself a little calmer, a little more capable of handling life's everyday stresses.

I also try to walk every day. You should try it, it really does clear your head!

And if I really get stressed, I write it all out in my journal.

So, you see, French Fries, I have to thank you for helping me out when I needed it.

But I think I can take it from here.

  Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to
my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of
characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes
up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day
take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few
seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this
take?" I asked.


"They will grow larger over a period of
years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a
straw.

Stupid, stupid man.
 

I weigh in tomorrow...2.5 months into my 3 month supervised dieting...There is nothing supervised about it..I am not in control of my eating and I havent lost any weight. Im not dieting...Im still eating what I use to...I have no will power to not eat..and this worries me. Will I be like this if I get the band? Will I be one of these people that lose very little due to the fact that I wont be commited. I feel like I would be committed, but this diet isnt helping any...

I am a junk food fast food junkie...This is what I had to eat the past two days

Tuesday
Breakfast-8 chicken nuggets from Burger King
Lunch-Shrimp and Broccolli, egg roll, 4 terriyaki chicken on a stick
Supper-Whopper Jr
Snack-1/4 pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice cream

Wednesday
Breakfast-Steak Burrito (from the Deli down the street) It was about as thick as my fist
Chocolate Eclair

See what I mean...and I thought I was doing good yesterday...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose
early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

I went online and requested an appointment with the surgeon...Why I couldnt call myself I have no idea. The receptionist called back yesterday and I didnt have the nerve to call them back.  So, I told a supervisor that I couldnt get the nerve up to call them back..He said I told you you would back out of it. I knew I wasnt backing out, I just didnt know why I couldnt call them back. I have NEVER in my life been wishy washy or the shy type..Im outspoken and opinionated and live like there is no tomorrow. So why cold feet now? 

Anyway-I finally called. I have an appt on March 18th @ 10am with Dr. Averbach. WooooHoooo..That is pending that I can get my physical history and recent bloodwork.

WoooHoooo..No repercussions at work. Im glad about that...Nothing new going on...Still 'watching what I eat' for the supervised dieting. 

I started taking birth control pills this week to regulate my period. I had my tubes tied in 1999 so I have no worries of getting pregnant, but Ive been bleeding since February 9th (my birthday-what a present)...The doctor did tests and found nothing wrong, BUT he did say that he thought my weight had a lot to do with it. Soooo, Im taking YAZ.....sounds fun huh...lol..

 

**I weighed in yesterday and gained 2 pounds back from the 4 pounds I lost the previous 2 weeks....Im not stressing over it..It is what it is...But I will try a little harder for the next weigh in.

**Im at work right now contimplating what I want for lunch..and it isnt even 10am yet...Thats a d*mn shame isnt it...

** My middle daughter Emily, my husband, my youngest daughter Sydney and my Ex huband all argued with me this morning...at separate times..and all before 9am...wooo....So you know what kind of mood Im in.... Im probably going to get fired today as well....A supervisor wrote me an email..(I have a motorola Q, so I get my work emails on it 24/7). Ohhh yeah..add him to my list of people Ive argued with before 9am....and when I was reading it I just kept thinking of Charlie Brown's teacher and hearing the way she talked "wahh wahhh wahhh wahh wahh wahhh"...then I read "and speaking as a man"...I like did a double take on that..and didnt even continue reading it..I wrote and "speaking as a woman...f*ck you"...Yes I did...

---

From: Heather
Sent: Fri 2/29/2008 8:22 AM
To: Antonio
Subject: RE:

As a woman fuck u...

-----Original Message-----
From: "Antonio
To: "Heather
Sent: 2/29/2008 8:03 AM
Subject: RE:

Heather he knew that prior to me. as a man please don't throw it in his face just do what you do and let him deal with it the way he knows how.
___________

..(the email was in reference to a fellow employee that hasnt been working up to par)

So I come in the office and he said I want to talk to you...and I said in a minute Im busy....Its not like he is MY supervisor...I honestly have no one in the office that I answer to....sooo maybe Ill get off with no disciplinary action forms...lmao...

** OK...let me stop before I get a headache...I just needed to rant and rave...

Nothing much has been going on. I went to see Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins for the 2nd time last night. I bought my oldest daughter a game for he Wii and bough myself 2 Cds; Amy Winehouse and Mary J Blige. 

No update on any WLS stuff. Im still dieting with Arlene..This Thursday will be 1 month... I lost and gained 4 pounds...great...Hopefully I will have lost by my weigh in. 

I received my 2 years worth of medical records today. That was one of the things I needed to have with me before making an appointment. 

I am struggling on the 4th week of my 3 month supervised dieting...Hopefully I can get back on track this weekend. I always seem to do better on the weekend then during the week.  I think its because I have soo many food temptations at work. Someone is always bringing in food to try...curried chicken, jerk pork, homemade hot chocolate..lol..I have an office who loves to eat...and everyone is thinner then I am...

I went to the WLS seminar back in January at St. Joseph's Hospital with Dr. Averbach. It was very informative and answered a lot of the questions my husband and I had regarding the procedures. I was soo excited just being there. The seminar was 2 hours long and I was thinking I would be bored to tears. But I was surprised at how fast the time went. We both left very excited about the prospect of it all. 

I checked with my insurance company, and though I live in Maryland I have BCBS of Illinois. Not sure why that is. Since my BMI is over 40 I do not have to have any other health conditions. I was relieved because I didnt have anything else wrong with me...well I think I have a fatty liver, but that is it. Ive been blessed with no high blood pressure, no diabetes...etc..But I feel if I dont get this done, its just a matter of time. I do however have to have 6 months of a supervised diet. I met with Arlene Swantko on January 31st and since I had 3 months of WW prior to seeing her, I only have to go an addtional 3 months. I had my first weigh in on February 14th. I lost 4 pounds, but I think I gained 3 of them back..great....