In a dark place.

Jul 09, 2014

If you've been keeping up with my recovery, you know that last week sometime I felt a ripping sensation inside followed by immense pain, which my doctor deduced was a suture tare and added six more weeks on to my recovery. Well, since then I've been taking it as easy as I can, and until last night it felt like every day I made a little more progress, and was healing well. Well, last night when I was sleeping, my cat jumped RIGHT on the sorest spot of my tummy. The pain got up to a 10/10. It hurt when the wind hit it. It hurt when I put a sheet over it. The only way to subdue the pain was to relax my muscles, but that went against every fiber of my being, and it was hell. Thankfully my wonderful boyfriend was with me and was able to lift me into a standing position so everything could settle into place again, and after the pain meds took effect, I was able to sleep for a few hours in our recliner. Now, I'm nauseous after I ingest anything, but I'm not throwing up. I'm scared I have a hernia in my abdominal wall, and the booklet I have from the hospital says they fix those with surgery AFTER I've achieved my weight loss goal. So, that would mean dealing with this pain until I lose all my weight? I know, I shouldn't jump to conclusions without having it examined. I almost went to the ER last night but I decided to just wait it out until today and see if it got any better. If I can keep food down, I don't think I'll go.  

*Edit* Just talked to the nurse at my clinic and we went through my symptoms. She said it sounds very muscle related and to take it super easy today and keep heat and ice on it and keep up with my pain meds. I actually see her tomorrow, so she can check me out more then. I guess it's some relief that she doesn't think it's more than that.

Today I'm in such a dark place, because I want to have a smooth recovery, so badly. I see all of you up and around, going back to work, starting to work out, and here I am, feeling like I just got out of the hospital. It seems like every time I feel like I'm really healing on track something happens and it's all back to square one. I can't eat (still on liquids), I can't sleep comfortably, I can't go anywhere. I'm absolutely miserable, feeling trapped in a body that isn't getting better. For some fleeting moments I even have regrets about having the surgery at all. The things I usually do to make myself feel better, I can't do, and that just makes it all that much suckier. I guess I just need some real encouragement to keep going right now. 

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About Me
Location
31.3
BMI
RNY
Surgery
06/27/2014
Surgery Date
May 30, 2014
Member Since

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