HERO_XXL

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Really caught up in the holiday rush--forgive me!!

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. "

"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."

"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

                                                       --George Carlin--Comedic Genius

Raise your children.
Three words.
Simple.

I'm going "off the head" with today's entry, people--a little bit of this, a little bit of that. If you get to the end, and you were even MILDLY amused, I've achieved my task. If not--come back a couple of days from now--put it on my tab.


1.) People are still amazed when I inform them that I've undergone gastric bypass surgery. They're either amazed or don't believe AT ALL. Which I find SO amusing. 

2.) Quote for the day (feel free to use when necessary):
"Just because you pour syrup on it, doesn't make it pancakes."
Meaning: Looks can be decieving.
Origin: Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, MECCA AND THE SOUL BROTHER, 1992


3.) True story....
Last Saturday, My Aunt Amy (the self-proclaimed Dutchess of Harlem) celebrated...get this...her 101st birthday.
                               (SO Gangsta.)
Notice how I DIDN'T simply say ..."it was her birthday"--I said she celebrated her 101st birthday. Aunt Amy is ALL THERE. and you CAN'T TELL her that she's NOT all that--she's the (self proclaimed) Dutchess of Harlem, for cryin' out loud!!!--how can she NOT be all that? She made sure she was in a FLY jumpsuit .(orange CORDUROY jumpsuit....) 


I don't think you heard me...
I don't think you've FULLY GRASPED the IDEA....i said:
 
ORANGE. 
                     CORDUROY. 
                                                JUMPSUIT.

(she's one hundred and ONE. She didn't come downstairs in a ROBE. she came downstairs in a JUMPSUIT. 


...with KICKS on. 


(sureshesinawheelchairbutthatsbesidethepoint)

At one hundred and one--that is SO gangsta.

Anyway...
I've respected Aunt Amy's gangsta from DAY ONE.

(Sidebar: We've all heard about the "dirty old man" in the nursing home--My Aunt Amy is the "dirty old lady"--the MEN can't keep up with her!)

At her celebration, as always--she looked me up and down, gave me her stamp of approval and asked me: "what'd you start with?"

me: "The belt."
AA: "When did you start?"
me: "This morning, Aunt Amy."
AA: " WHEN this morning?"
me: "at the closet."
AA: ".......Did you teach your daughter yet?"
me: "Not yet, Dutchess--she wears a uniform."
AA: "Every---"
me: "No--not everyday, Aunt Amy. Pardon me for cutting you off."
AA: (smiling) "I thought so. Don't wait 'til it's too late."
me: "I won't Aunt Amy---I promise."

Aunt Amy was instrumental in bringing a LOT of her family here to the United States. A lot of her family that are still alive are NOT all THERE. Age has overcome them, whether it be their bodies or their minds or in many cases, BOTH. But Aunt Amy....is still. ALL. THERE. (and still pushes herself in her wheelchair) and her brain is STILL as sharp....AS IT EVER WAS.

Her niece, my grand-aunt, is in the SAME nursing home. Only she's not aware of it. I believe Aunt Amy visits her from time to time.

but Aunt Amy.....is still...ALL THERE.

About 10 years ago, I sat down in Aunt Amy's room (when she lived with us) and asked her about her mental state, if she worried about losing it one day, yadda, yadda, yadda.

She told me that if it happened, it happened.
...but she would attempt to do everything in her power to prolong that day from actually coming--and in fact--she had started A LONG TIME AGO. "...before your ass was even born" I believe were her EXACT words.

So...I asked...."HOW?"

(And the rest of the story will be revealed at a later time, cause I'm TIRED. I promise to continue it...just not now. To those of you that have informed me that you look forward to my writings, thank you for your inspiration--I PROMISE to continue this story--THIS is a GOOD ONE.)

Please say a prayer for my Aunt Amy.
I love you, Aunt Amy.

**phone ringing**
Munch:"Hi Papi!"
Papi: "Hey baby girl--how'd you know it was me?"
Munch: "Mami told me."
Papi: "Okay--I'm almost home, mama--I'll see you in a little while. You okay?"
Munch:"yes."
Papi: "okay--Good morning, I love you!"
Munch: "I love you too, papi."
Papi: "okay, mama--tell Mami that I'm getting off the highway--and could you tell her to bring down some lotion and a pair of sweats?"
Munch: "okay--(**yells**): "Mami, Papi says that he gettin' off the highway and can you bring him some lotion and a pair of sweats."
Mami: "okay."
Munch: "are you here, papi?"
Papi: "Not yet, mama--I'm still driving there!"
Mami: "ask him what color!"
Munch: "What color, papi?"
Papi: "any color, mama--preferably black, though."
(short pause)
Munch:"Pref-fur-vee...."
Mami: "What?"
Papi: "Preferably. preferably black."
Munch: "pref...vur...flee..."
Mami: "whaaaaaaaat?!?!"
Papi: "Preferably--Pref..
Munch: "Pref..."
Papi: "...fur..."
Mami: "oh! PREFERABLY!!"
Munch: "yea, THAT!"
Papi: "No!!! 'Yea, that'--say it!"
Mami: "...preferably what?"
Munch: "black."
Papi: "Pref..."
Munch: "Papi!"
Papi: "..PREF...!"
Munch: "pref.."
Papi: "Fur.."
Munch: .."fur..."
Mami: I got it!"
Papi: "..FUR..."
Munch: "..fur..."
Papi: "...BLEE"
Munch: "..Blee."
Papi: "Preferably."
Munch: "pref--fur--bly."
Papi: "preferably."
Munch: "preferably."
Papi: "Good! Preferably. It means...'anything is okay, but if I have to choose I'd choose...' whatever you'd like better. okay?"
Munch: "okay."
Papi: "Preferably. use it in a sentence--it means 'anything is okay, but if I have to choose, I'd choose....whatever.' You understand, mama?
Munch: "I think so, papi."
Papi: okay--use it in a sentence."




Munch: " I preferably want to get off the phone right now."

LONG PAUSE.

What's the weather like on the particular messageboard you've chosen to frequent? Not necessarily here on OH, but ANY messageboard. 
What's it like? 
Messageboards, you see-- change--just like the weather. 
So many individuals...personalities...
So many changes...alliances...
And like the seasons, they will continue to change.
Winter today, Spring tomorrow. Autumn for 3 weeks straight. Summer for a couple of hours...(you get the idea.)
I've learned, however, that UNLIKE the weather, The participants of the messageboard control the climate. New participants contribute and this contribution dictates the climate: 
Winter for 3 days, Spring for 6 minutes...(you get the idea.)

So...what's the climate like?
Better yet--how do you contribute to it?

Nevermind. I've participated in messageboards since their inception. 
I'm aware that it's simply the way things are.
However...what about those who are NOT aware?
Those who come dressed for Spring and...(you get the idea.)

Despite the way the climate can be at times, I continue to venture out.
I keep an umbrella, a pair of galoshes and a nice fleece handy--
just in case the weather changes. They're always within arms reach.

Oh--don't get it twisted--I keep a healthy supply of sunshine with me as well. I've got an abundance of it. I collect a little bit of it each time the weather is nice on the messageboards.

Enough to keep my spirits up when the climate changes.
Enough to share it with others who didn't get a chance to check out the forecast prior to venturing out. 

Try to collect a little bit of sunshine--wherever you can.
Share it with others--especially those who inadvertently came unprepared.

And remind them that messageboards change from time to time, just like the weather.

So...what's the climate like?
Better yet--how do you contribute to it?

(forget today's thought--it was actually too crude.) Don't wanna step on any cybertoes. Not today at least.)

(pssssst!! Over here!  Isn't the internet amazing? I can go back in time WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT and NOBODY HAS TO KNOW! If this is your first time reading this, it's no fun--but if you've made it this far on a time OTHER THAN YOUR FIRST--it's GOLD. I can SNEAK little easter eggs in from time to time. (actually--it's not REALLY sneaking them in--MODERATORS are about--there's one over ther--DON'T. LOOK.--damn!! Call attention to us, why don't you?!?! (SHIT!) anyway...where was I? oh--the EASTER EGG. I'm going to place it here--I decided against it in the past because it was SO CRUDE, but NOTHING has EVER gotten a point across SO.....eloquently. (okay--so eloquently is the wrong word, but--okay--just listen:

"Arguing on the internet, is like winning the Special Olympics....even if you WIN--you're STILL RETARDED."

....Oh...that's GOLD.



stop arguing on the internet.

Nothing major to blog about. Fashion tip for the day, however, IS......

" A lint remover (of any kind) should be a staple of EVERY wardrobe and is worth it's weight in gold and THEN SOME. Don't even THINK of owning a peacoat or black slacks (hell, ANYTHING black for that matter!!) and NOT investing in one or seven of these great inventions of our time. Most of them come with a little hole in the handle FOR A REASON. Ever notice how when you're not looking for them, you're tripping all over them, but when you need 'em, they're nowhere to be found? Take shoelace, a rubber band, WHATEVER--and thread it through that little hole! Leave it on a doorknob, or hanging off of a hook in your closet and SIMPLY REMEMBER TO PUT IT BACK WHEN YOU"RE FINISHED, and you'll never have to look tacky again!! 
                          Keep one in the ride, one in the office, and you're set. Don't bother in investing in the small ones-(You ask for a large cup when it's free refills, don't you? DUH!!!)-they go quicker and you end up paying more. If you have an article of clothing that takes more than THREE sheets off the roller--

BREAK. 
           DOWN. 
                   AND. 
                       THROW. 
                                    IT. 
                                       OUT. 
          (the article of clothing, not the lint roller--keep up, willya?) We're trying to AVOID looking tacky, remember?"

(Note: If this is being sent to everyone on my Friends list, will someone PLEASE make me aware?)

This is the first time I've posted in my blog--here goes!

Stardate: Two thousand and....
(okay--just kidding!) Thanksgiving night. (Yea, yea, I know--Thanksgiving was on the 22nd--but I haven't gone to sleep yet--it's still Thursday to me.) Weighed in at 210. I know I shouldn't weigh myself at nighttime, but I did so regardless to start my blog entry. I've been hovering between 200 and 210 since my last plateau, which was about a year or so ago. Which is also a blessing, wouldn't you agree?  Truth be told--I'm down right ANAL about my weight and the possibility of ANY weight gain. So I stay on my grind. Winter is upon us, which means I will be more active than usual. SO--still, no MAJOR worries. Things are good in life at the moment (knock, knock, knock)--ALL THE MORE REASON FOR ME TO BE WATCHING MY WEIGHT. Confused? Don't be! Don't make the mistake of thinking that the only kind of stress is NEGATIVE stress--there IS a such a thing as POSITIVE stress as well. Since most of us have learned (well at least I have) that our eating habits are more often than not associated with our emotions, I have reason to stay on top of the situation, ya heard?! 
               Right now, I'm contemplating whether or not I want to begin weight training--it might be good for the acting hobby, but muscle weighs more than fat, wherein lies the problem.The suggestion has been to lose about 15 lbs and then gain it back with muscle tone, which sounds like the way to go. Nothing drastic, however--when the time comes it'll simply be upper body muscle tone I'll be attempting to achieve. It's 1:05am on THANKSGIVING NIGHT. should I be typing in my blog? From WORK? NO!!! Should I be at an outlet somewhere, shopping? YES!! Black Friday! HELLO!!!