Navytown Mom
Hard to keep a good person down...
Jan 18, 2011
Not that I try to brag but I have been through so much, as many of us have both pre-ops and post-ops. Today has been especially hard for me. My divorce will be in the final stage come March. I never thought that date would get here but we are about 2 months away. I am happy but at the same time I keep in touch with reality, because I will lose my health insurance. Having had RNY that could spell major issues should I become sick or have a complication.My current living situation is less than to be desired because I have been living with my mother and uncle who share a home. I have been helping around the house, purchasing household goods and contributing some money toward the bills. My plan was to live with them until I finished school so I could work on getting a new career. It is especially important because I need to be able to support my daughter. In the last 48 hours I had heard that my uncle (who's 60yrs old) say that he's tired of all the noise of a 2yr old and that he no longer feels that I do enough and really wants us out of the house. That is such a devistating blow to my whole plan. I really can not afford an apartment on my own and if I am out on my own I will have to postpone any plans of going to school. I really want to be an RN...that is my dream career.
I have contacted the Redevelopement and Housing authority in our area to try to get an application for subsidized housing. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be in this situation. I have a job and I have worked here for 15 years come May. It's just that my job doesn't pay well and I really need to go to school to do better. One thing that really bothered me was that I had to depend on my ex while we were together and I have needed help from family since leaving him but I thought that this was the opportunity for me to change everything. I kept a positive attitude for the entire process and I prayed alot about it. However, now I am really afraid. I have never been so fearful..I'm scared that I will end up in a shelter. I mean how can I raise my 2 yr old in a shelter? What kind of life will that be? I know that people do it and it's not by choice but I never thought that I would end up like that. I have been praying for the last 48 hours for something to happen and I really hope that God turns this situation around..not so much for me but for my daughter. She deserves the best...she deserves a home, warm bed and hot meals. She deserves every opportunity to make something of herself and to get an education so she can have a great career. She deserves to not be faced with the choices in life that I have had to make and I am about to face. Some of those choices I will never speak of with her.
Today as I thought about these things going on in my life it took my memory back to Nov, 2008. It was before my daughter was born and actually I was still in my 1st trimester. What she and I had endured I would never wish on anyone. Yet, at that time I cried almost daily, suffered such misery which was inflicted by my ex, yet I did find encouragement knowing that I had a child in my womb, that I loved and I had risked my life for. It was the most un-explainable feeling and I think of it as the love we have for Jesus. We read the Bible and read about Jesus yet we don't see him. We don't feel his touch yet we know that he's there. It was the same with her...I knew she was there but I couldn't feel her or see her, yet the love I felt was everlasting and was a very strong bond. So today, I went back and read a song that I had wrote about her and my relationship with God. It renewed that feeling that I had back then and made me realize that eventhough I dont see God or feel him right now...he's there. He has not left me and will not abandon me, just like I didn't abandon her. We will overcome this situation and will persevere in the end.
