2012...Here I come!

Jan 12, 2012

In 2011 it was the most uplifting and heart wrenching year for me all in one. I had my focus on so many things other than myself...I mean I even forgot my surgiversary! How could I ever forget one of the most important days in my life?? I was so caught up with living life that it came and went and now I am embarking on another new year! I am so excited about the upcoming year because I am more focused on myself and working on the issues that I have in my life and within myself. I didn't ever run the 5k in 2011...so that is one of my goals still in progress. I must say that it's been hard for me to get back in shape since I've put on some weight but I have been actively trying to get it back off. I've been going to the gym for 2 weeks now and I'm loving it (sometimes a little too much). I set a personal record this week and I've even broke that last night. When I was at the gym 2 nights ago I was on the elliptical and completed 6.75 miles in 1 hr. Last night, I did 6.82 miles in 1 hr, however I was a bit disappointed in myself because I didn't burn quite as many calories as the night before. You know for me the cycle began at that moment, I was obsessing about not burning as many calories, then I was thinking ok, I can't eat many carbs tonight or drink as many beers. So then I got myself in a tizzy over it all and became more and more frustrated and aggervated with myself until I thought "ok, I need to control myself now and make a better choice so that I don't regret eating the wrong thing or drinking too much!" I pulled myself together and went to bed.

This morning, I went through the usual routine, and then hopped on the scale. It hadn't moved since last week....ugghh what disappointment I felt. I was ready to throw the scale out the window! I mean I have been just busting my butt at the gym for the last 2 weeks and my weight has stayed the same...WHAT???? Again, more disappointment...but today I am eating less, drinking less bad things and still going to the gym tonight. I know in my heart that eventually this hard work will pay off...at least it better!! I guess now I am going to have to deal with my body being different from last year and getting the weight off is harder and harder. Overall, I have to remember that I am going through this to reach another goal and I should enjoy my journey getting to it. I tell myself that my body is getting healthier, and hopefully I will lose 12 lbs or so in the next couple of months. I have upped my protein...lowered my carbs and I am snacking less and less. Eventually my body has to give up a few pounds.

So looking at the last two weeks and toward the future I know that I am destined to be great! I have the thoughts of a new career in my mind and I am looking forward to having (hopefully) full custody of my daughter. I have enjoyed the holidays with her and I appreciate all the new things that her and I have done together, like painting, making Christmas ornaments, baking and just seeing how much she is changing on a daily basis. The stress of moving into a new home with my boyfriend now, is behind me and we are all 3 getting settled in very nicely. I can't wait to see what I can do in this new year, and I can't wait to see where my journey will lead me. I am giving it my all so that I can finally enjoy the life that I have now.

Best wishes to everyone for the upcoming year and achieving whatever your goals and dreams may be!

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