hopeful9
WTH new scale
Apr 17, 2010
I thought I'd better have a scale for home. My sister has a fancy one that measures fat, H2o,and such. She can't read the display and offered it to me. Well the dang scale is smarter than I am. I can get a weight but can't get the rest set. Maybe it can be a project when I'm recouping from surgery.I took my son to a retreat on Friday night. We had to walk about one fifth of a mile. It was downhill there and I did fine. My knees did whisper to me their usual talk...too...much...weight..owie. This self whisper gets responded to by more self head talk. Sarcastically to self, "have another donut maybe you could stop and get the double dog meal, followed by a snickers bar or two. I am such a pig."
When I put it onto the printed page it's sad that I would treat myself that way, I would never think, let alone say it to anyone else. So now I have to leave and walk back up the hill. The self talk was positive until we hit the very large hill to the parking lot. The self talk started out much the same and then morphed into "omg are my lungs going to pop, my heart is going to pop out of my chest and now I scared I'm going to have 'the big one' right here at the camp. How long until they find my lifeless body. My children will be so traumatized. How could I have let myself get this big and out of shape. I'm an idiot. I make it to the car. I'm breathing as hard as I ever have. If I was with a group I couldn't even hide this heavy breathing. ( I've perfected the, no really I'm fine face and somehow manage to breath so as not to look like I'm about to expire.) I get to my truck, Praise the Lord and just stand there. Trying to regroup so I can step up onto the running board and into the truck. I get in the car and am having positive RNY thoughts. I tilt the vanity mirror to check to see if my lips are blue from lack of oxygen, whew, I just look like me only a little scared. On my drive home my thoughts go from, Silly girl, you were just thinking that maybe all of this surgery stuff wasn't really necessary, yeah right! To wondering if I am still going to have that heart attack or stroke. It's all insanity. When I got home I watched Jamie Olivers Food revolution. I wanted to hug him and tell him that he is the voice of sanity in this insane food world we live in. He is brilliant...and I'm grateful for him.
Most of all this morning I'm grateful that I finally have insurance that will cover wls and that I am almost to my surgery date. If anyone actually reads this, God Bless, because I am really verbose.
I'm also doing this as some therapy for me. When I extract things from my mind and put them on paper, so to speak, it really, really helps me focus and peel back all of the layers of my obesity disease. Not all my fault, but I did put every single bite into my mouth..I even chewed most of them. I didn't enjoy a lot of them but they did fill a void or created carb coma that would let me avoid unpleasant tasks. (like paying bills or should I say trying to figure out which bills I can pay this paycheck.) After all when your stuffed you can't clean out the garage or go for a walk. It really is craziness/ addiction. All I can say right now is God Bless Me and heal me. God Bless you and heal you, too.
