Feb 27, 2023
Incredible to realize ten Earth years have passed since Dr. Srikanth did his thing.
Not much has changed since my last update, which was itself almost a year ago. Still not drinking alcohol or indulging in weed. (I am drinking an O'Doul's as I type this, though, which is still probably not a great idea.) My husband and I aren't exercising like we should be; there are some frustrating ongoing fatigue issues on his end that make it more challenging than it should be. Still, we ought to prioritize moving around, like, ever. I still don't know what I weigh.
I do need to schedule a follow-up with Dr. Srikanth's office. It's been a long, long time since I had all the bloodwork and bone density scans and whatever. And, ugh, speaking of bloodwork: this might not be a Dr.-Srikanth's-office thing, but I've been very concerned about my hair. I never had a lot of hair; what I do have is fine in texture and thin in quantity to begin with, so the dramatic thinning along my hairline has been demoralizing to say the least. So yeah, I have a medical to-do list.
Still glad I had surgery. Vertical sleeve gastrectomy was the right surgery for me at the right time. I'm forty, and life is good—although I happen to have a gnarly headache right now so this entry is kinda running out of steam. But, like, in general? Life is very good!
Editing: LOL I just scrolled down and realized I am in exactly the same position I was in last March: moping about my hair and aware that I need to get around to scheduling a follow-up at Dr. Srikanth's, but not actually doing it. Hm. HMM. Oh, horrible_monster, you scamp.
Mar 08, 2022
I GUESS IT'S BEEN A LITTLE WHILE SINCE I UPDATED THIS BLOG. ANYTHING HAPPEN IN THE WORLD BETWEEN AUGUST OF 2018 AND NOW? ANYTHING?
Ah well, I'm sure if something noteworthy happened, especially over the last two years in particular, someone somewhere would have mentioned it.
Me? All things considered, I'm doing well. I was thinking about OH because (A) a beloved friend semi-recently had a similar procedure, though not for weight loss purposes—M had a really serious cancerous situation and the treatment ended up being "basically a vertical sleeve gastrectomy," (B) a church friend is going to have a VSG soon, I think, and has talked to me about it a couple times and (C) February 27th was the ninth anniversary of my surgery, what the entire hell, and (D) I just found out a blogger and artist (and brilliant fat activist) I've been a fan of for a long time had bariatric surgery about a year ago, and has lots of complicated feelings about her decision and, uh, it's making me super emotional to scroll back through her bariatric Twitter to catch up on her experiences so far. (I'm so out of the loop!) So yeah, lots of bariatric Thoughts. And Feelings. You know how it is.
I have no idea what I weigh right now, on March 8th, 2022, and that's fine. Honestly, two years of pandemic stress have put a lot of things in perspective and I'm just not especially concerned about my weight one way or another. (That's a lie. I get angry when my clothes are too tight, which they are a little at the moment.) However, there have been some other notable Health Things:
- Alcohol was becoming a bit too much of a pandemic hobby, with a handful of genuinely concerning incidents over 2020 and 2021. New Year's Eve 2021 was my last drink, at least for a good long while. Honestly, from where I am right now I don't see how I can ever in good conscience drink again. I'm grumpy about it, but I console myself with vast quantities of near beer and alcohol-free wine and Olipop. Should I have ever started drinking alcohol again after giving it up to have my VSG? Of course not! Should I be drinking fake/fake-ish alcoholic beverages now? Probably not! They're carbonated, which is also forbidden, but...I dunno, man, life is short and Lagunitas IPNA is delicious.
- I also gave up pot, probably also for good or at least a good long time. It just wasn't fun anymore, and my last few experiences were notably the opposite of fun, plus...I got a new job and, heh, they drug test. So I was glad to be "clean" for that, oof.
- My husband and I have sort of started exercising in a more serious way than either of us have since my post-op honeymoon period eight to nine years ago. This particular week has been a bit of a shitshow on that front, unfortunately, due to job-change stress, but overall we've actually been very good about walking and doing real home workouts. Started in January and actually seem to have stuck with it (except for, like I said, this garbage week.) Feeling good about being more active. It's overdue. Pandemic bullshit really kept me fairly inert with constant low-level panic, and I think the exercise helps with that.
- Thennn there's the real bummer, my hair. :( I never was blessed with thick hair, but the last three or so years saw it start to thin alarmingly. What could it be? Pick one or two or all of the following: weird malabsorbtion issues from my VSG? Wellbutrin, which apparently can cause hair loss? Shitty genetics? Stress from living in a late-stage capitalst hellscape while a pandemic raged and the climate actively collapsed? The birth control I'd been on for several years? Pot? A wizard's curse? WHO KNOWS! I got off Wellbutrin and birth control, got serious about keeping up with my supplements, and spent a shocking amount of money on some hair supplements and ridiculous custom shampoo etc from one of those companies that aggressively promotes their shit on Instagram, and...I like the stuff, I guess? My hair loss seems like maybe it's at least slowed down.
The hair thing in particular brings me full circle: I probably need to make an appointment with the C4WLS to get all my Very Serious Bariatric Bloodwork (and other tests!) done since I haven't since...I can't imagine I went again after 2018, so it's probably legitimately been four years or so. Argh. I'll probably give the new job a chance to...be less new...and then see about getting an appointment over the summer, maybe. Perhaps by then things will be even less covidy and terrifying.
Anyway, yeah, life is pretty good!
Aug 15, 2018
So. In early July I got all Motivated™ and was doing really well with my exercise and eating for, like, two weeks. Then something snapped and I went off the rails. This snapping sensation and subsequent derail coincided with or was a symptom of a spell of Very Bad Depression™ which I'm just now (in mid August) clawing my way out of. It's been a weird month and a half, for real.
Anyway, I gained a bunch of weight. Had a follow-up appiontment at the C4WLS today and, oof, up to 181. I think that's the heaviest I've been post-op (well, maybe matching the record I believe I set sometime in early 2017) and I do not care for it. I've got some mental health stuff going on (see aforementioned depression) but I'm working on it. "Working on it" includes but is not limited to: Seeing my counselor, getting back on the Wellbutrin I straight-up forgot to have refilled several months ago and never followed through on refilling (!), and scheduling an evaluation with a neuropsych to see what's up with ye olde executive functioning. Is it ADHD? Is it a learning disability? Neither? Something else entirely? Just a series of deeply entrenched maladaptive coping mechanisms to work around certain basic life skills I never bothered to master? We'll find out! I hope!
I also scheduled a couple tests I was supposed to have had prior to today's appointment at the C4WLS but forgot (I really do worry about my brain these days), reordered the CPAP supplies I desperately need—that was another source of procrastination and shame so it's good to get that out of the way, and...what else? A couple other items on the to-do list got tackled today. Gotta build momentum. I do feel better knowing a few of those tasks have been taken care of.
Anyway, back to my weight. Considering all the brain stuff and other stuff going on, my ARNP at the C4WLS suggested that for now I just keep on keeping on with food and focus on getting, like, any exercise. Take a walk. Just walk, once a day. I think I can do that, at least most days. I know this sounds kind of pitiful/noncommital, but there have been days recently where I truly Could Not. Other days I probably could have pushed through the brain fog and exhaustion, but didn't. I'll push through on the days I can. I have to. Because of the weight gain + brain stuff etc, my ARNP wants to see me back in about a month. I think that's good. I'm glad of that.
So. Not really seeking advice or anything, just venting/sharing. I know what needs to be done and for now I'm kind of in triage mode, just trying to do what I can in manageable steps. Not a thrilling or inspirational update, but it is what it is. Really hoping I'll be feeling and doing better by my next visit to the C4WLS in September. I think I will be.
Jul 02, 2018
Oof. My sister bought a bathroom scale, since her doctor wants her to start trackin' ye olde calories and trying to lose weight. I have always been resolutely anti-scale, given my tendency toward obsessiveness, but I'm almost glad she bought it because at least now I know approximately how much I weigh. My guess was just about correct: 178. I don't feel well; I feel "front heavy" like my gut's going to drag me into the earth's core. My face feels all puffy. My clothes are all just a little bit too tight. I started tracking food/water/exercise today (fun fact: zero exercise today!), and as it pretty much always is, this was an ugly wake-up call. (Why is drinking water such an onerous ordeal?)
Anyway: yikes, blargh, back to the ol' routine.
I'm fine. I just have some work to do.
I guess I should aim to post at least annually
Jul 01, 2018
Back again! And after another year-long absence—more than a year this time, I guess. Things are largely okay? I'm seeing a new counselor (although now that I think about it, it's probably been close to a year since I started seeing him so he's not that new to me anymore), the primary care physician I mentioned in my last blog post is still good, eventually I got my labs done and made it back to the C4WLS for a follow-up, and...yeah, stuff is mostly fine.
When I was last posting actively, I was at the beginning of Getting Serious About Getting Back On Track, and it worked for a long time. Then some stressful life stuff happened (funny how it always seems to), and for the last ~6 months or so I basically gave myself free reign to eat and drink whatever I wanted. I also stopped doing much intentional exercise. I, uh, don't recommend this "eat whatever, exercise maybe never" strategy. I'm pudgy as hell right now—no idea what I weigh at the moment, but if I was going to guess I'd say around 180. I have follow-up appointments at Dr. Srikanth's office within the next month or two, so that should be a good motivator since I know I'll get weighed whenever I show up there. Need to schedule a bone density test too, actually—I think the ARNP ordered that in like February and I probably have about a month until I see her again so I should prrrooobably get that taken care of. Note to self.
I think I'm going to start tracking food and exercise again, at least for a little while. I alway seem to cycle back to tracking, as if I periodically need to recalibrate my poor brain if I want a chance to lose/maintain my weight. Maybe that's just how it's always going to be: a few months or weeks of tracking, a few months of being "normal" and doing OK without needing to track, and then maybe a period of restless rebellion where everything goes to hell and then, whomp whomp, back to tracking. I'd like to get to a point where the cycle skips the restless rebellion, but we'll see.
Anyway, not much excitement to report but I'm still here, trying to log into the Baritastic app I just downloaded (but it doesn't recognize my email address as valid, argh) so I can start tracking food and exercise again.
Going to the doctor, reading blogs, usual stuff
Mar 19, 2017
So I finally had my doctor's appointment on Thursday, and it's such a relief to be reestablished with a primary care doc. I like Dr. P a lot. And we went over the results of my bloodwork, which was way way overdue. Turns out my iron isn't quite in the deficiency zone yet, but it's low, so he perscribed a supplement. Wonder if that'll help with my fatigue levels? Anyway, yeah, going to the docter was a good idea. I'll see him again in three months.
Now I still need to:
Make an appointment with the C4WLS to go over bariatric-specific stuff
Make an appointment with the pulmonologist
Take ye olde CPAP machine in for a tuneup, ugh
Oh, and I got weighed at the doctors. 176 fully clothed. Which...I'll be honest, I was hoping it would be a few pounds less, but whatever. Can't get hung up on that. At least it's heading in the right direction.
What else is going on? I finally paid for the introductory package (two private lessons plus one drop-in dance session on a Friday night) at the dance studio around the corner. I think I got the lessons scheduled for the end of the month but I'm waiting on confirmation. So that's a thing I've been talking about for a while that will now finally happen. I can move myself from the All Talk, No Action column to the 80% Talk, 20% Action column.
Another thing I've been doing as part of an attempt to get back into my "good patient" headspace is look up a couple blogs I used to follow religiously. There were three, and each was written by a bariatric patient who had the same kind of surgery I did, two of them around the same time I had mine. One person is doing great—although her marriage has broken up but that doesn't seem like a bad thing, honestly. The others don't seem to be in great places. One hasn't updated since December, when she was contemplating a revision to Duodenal Switch because she'd regained...mayb 75 pounds, maybe more? I guess her knees have been a huge problem too and that's made it impossible to keep up with the exercise routine that had been working for her and she hadn't yet found something that lets her keep up that activity level without destroying her knees. She sounded really unhappy; I wonder how she's doing and hope she updates again soon. The third is in a very rough place, back up to ~300 pounds after getting down to the 170s a few years ago. I am sending her good thoughts for sure. She deserves to feel well and be healthy and I'm just hoping so hard she finds a way back to health.
That last one in paticular has published some blog posts over the last year that really speak to me. She and I have shockingly similar weird relationships with food. I hope she continues to update too, although I wouldn't blame her if she quit since apparently some people are giving her a shitty time for blogging through her distress. ?! Jerks. I mean, she owes us nothing of course—but if blogging helps her cope, gives her a reason to keep going, I hope she can do it and the jerks can move on to something else. But yeah, her blog is like a portal into an alternate version of my own story and my heart just goes out to her.
Before and After (whooo, this got long, sorry)
Mar 15, 2017
Saw this on Twitter today. It's a piece on Medium by one of my new favorite writers, who publishes her stuff under the name Your Fat Friend. She's knocked me down a few times previously, with essays like A call to action: your fat friend is going it alone and How to love a fat person and, especially, What it's like to be that fat person sitting next to you on the plane.
A bit from this piece that hit me hard:
Images like those [of "headless fatties" on TV news segments about obesity] are what left me feeling so gutted with my family. The only time fat people are afforded a voice or a face is when our bodies change, or when we express the grief, regret, guilt and shame that thin people imagine must come from having bodies like ours. What they do not consider is the crumpling that happens when you see your body, every day, represented as a cautionary tale for someone else. If you are not careful, you may become a monstrosity like me. Before, desperately awaiting an after.
Because after, you can be heard. After, you are not required to renounce your own body in order to be accepted and embraced. You may share your experiences, hopes, dreams, plans, without weighing them down with caveats, dress sizes, inches, or pounds. After, you can have a face. After, you can smile. After, you can speak.
I hate that so many of us feel our lives don't really get to begin until we lose weight. I hate that. I hate it so much. I understand how we come to that place and I wish I knew how to lift everyone out of it. Anyway, what resonates with me so much about the Your Fat Friend exerpt above is the line: "Because after, you can be heard." There's the gut punch.
Because it's true.
One thing I noticed when I was at my lowest weight (forty pounds ago) was that suddenly people weren't just nicer to me (cashiers, fellow bus passengers, coworkers), they took me more seriously than when I'd been fat. Idiosyncrasies that annoyed people when I weighed 250 pounds were indulged and even appreciated when I was 144. Like I went form "obnoxious" to "cute" without actually changing my personality. (In reality, I am probably 50% obnoxious and 50% cute and always have been.) (I feel that at ~180 I've moved into a slightly more neutral zone in terms of peoples' perceptions of me, but most folks are definitely still way nicer than when I was Actually Fat.)
Now, some if it's difficult to judge because I didn't have the same job pre- and post-op, so I can't compare a single workplace's response to me before and after surgery. But I could tell. When I was Actually Thin, people really listened to me, even when I maybe didn't necessarily know 100% what the hell I was talking about. They were patient with me. When I'd been fat, people tuned me out. They were not patient with me. When I was thin, people assumed I was smart. When I was fat, they assumed I was dumb. The contrast was stark, and sickening. When I was thin, people (especially other women) were even a little deferential, sometimes, in a slightly envious way? Which was weird and uncomfortable. Most of the really over-the-top privilege has evaporated as I've eased back into chubbiness, but the memory fucking lingers, I'll tell you.
You know what it felt like? Being thin? It felt like going undercover, as a fat person, and finding out what "normal" people really think about fat people and fatness. (Spoiler alert: they don't approve.) Because I had a new job and made a lot of new friends post-op, it felt like there was this set of people who never knew fat me and only knew skinny me, and these new folks were not necessarily guarded in how they talked about fatness—you know the way they are when they're around a fat person whose feelings they don't want to hurt. They kind of can't help themselves when it comes to saying shitty things about fatness in the abstract, but then they'll realize they are talking to an Actual Fat and sort of halfassedly backtrack or try to cover. Well, around people who only knew thin me there was no halfassed backtracking. To be honest, it was a huge disappointment. Soured me on humanity a little, lol lol lol.
...I see I've kind of gotten sidetracked. My original point was about Before and After, and how much I generally despise that concept. It's all marketing. I hate aspirational weight loss stuff. (Hate.) But at the same time, in a different sense than the Before and After we're sold by every Inspiring Weight Loss Narrative, bariatric patients do have a clear-cut Before and After. There is pre-op and post-op; the part of your life before you had surgery and the rest of your life afterward. And yeah, most of us want to see pictures and hear about what it's like on the other side...and the temptation is to believe there's a new and better version of you waiting to spring to life once the anesthesia wears off, but then it turns out you're still you. You've always you, and you've always deserved an awesome life.
I don't even really know where I'm going with this. If a fat person decides to have surgery, all I hope for them is that the experience is complication-free and they enjoy better health afterward than before. But what I hope for all fat people is that they can live a whole life and be kind to themselves regardless of whether they opt for bariatric surgery. What I hope for all thin people is that they grow some damn empathy and compassion and not treat the fat people in their lives like pitiable Befores.
Whooo, yeah, long and incoherent blog post yeeaah!!
Mar 13, 2017
Medium-stressful day at work, with sensations of incompetence and fatuity balanced by flashes of feeling kind-of okayish. So I'll call that a win, especially since it's the Monday after DST and to hell with everything about that. Upon returning home, I hopped on the treadmill for a scintillating fifteen minutes of brisk walking (gotta form that habit) and now I should be printing out materials for tomorrow's D&D session, but meh. I'll get around to it. We also have a friend coming over to watch The Hobbit, so that'll be fun.
Just think good-sleep thoughts for me. I need to rest well, I really do. Especially since I'm getting to work early every day this week so I can take off a couple hours on Thursday for that doctor's appointment I've been looking forward to. Oh, and I emailed the dance studio to see how scheduling their introductory package works. So that's a step toward a fitness-adjacent thing I've been meaning to do!
Not too much to update, really, just wanted to put this here to remind my future self that I can in fact get a little exercise even when there's stuff going on in the evening.
Mar 12, 2017
OK, I'm finally starting to see some talk on Tumblr about Gabourey Sidibe's wls. I'm sort of surprised it took this long, or at least this long to start bubbling up in the blogs I read.
One blog I like very much posted to say the writer would no longer share pictures of Gabourey Sidibe etc and what a disappointment it was and I get that. I really do. Clearly, I had (and have!) weird, confusing feelings about Ms. Sidibe's surgery myself, as I blathered about on a general forum thread.
It disturbs me a little when Fat Acceptance folks get so personally invested in a celebrity's fatness that they feel betrayed by an actress's decision to have weight loss surgery. I'm not unsympathetic; when you have so few people who look like you held up by the media as valuable and good and worthy, if even one of them "succumbs" and chooses wls it would certainly make you feel some feelings. But here's where my understanding breaks down: as someone here on OH said, these bloggers and activists don't know what it is to live in Gabourey Sidibe's body. I feel like she's been pretty careful to avoid framing her operation as an aesthetic decision—she was beautiful before, she's beautiful now—and I appreciate that she hasn't (as far as I've seen) indulged in any "now I'm the real me!" butterfly-from-the-chrysalis talk. She's been candid about the health reasons that prompted her to get the sleeve—type II diabetes, joint pain, etc. So what exactly is she supposed to do, to keep in the good graces of pro-fat bloggers? Live in pain, live in heightened fear of losing toes or limbs to diabetes? That's where they lose me. (I guess they're not, like, banging on Ms. Sidibe's door, wailing that she's betrayed them or something. I shouldn't scold folks for needing space to process their emotions around this topic. I mean, that's basically what I'm doing here, right?)
On a more personal level, what gets me is how a lot of Fat Acceptance writers and activists talk about weight loss surgery. It's "mutilation of healthy organs," it's a "permanent, non-reversible eating disorder," it's doomed to failure anyway, it's gruesome medicalized torture. And, well, while I either agree with or am at least sympathetic to a lot of Fat Acceptance sentiments about wls, that sort of "Mutilation!" rhetoric earns a bit of a from me. (I'm not sure what exactly that emoticon is trying to express, but I'm going for an eyeroll.) Now, I agree that none of us exercise truly "free will" regarding medical decisions. When it comes to existing in a fat body while seeking any kind of medical care, social attitudes about weight, health, and appearance play a huge role in the care we receive. And I'm not going to pretend the decision to pursue weight loss, especially by surgical means, can ever be made in a vacuum, some space of perfect neutrality untouched by considerations of fatphobia, the moral freight attached to being fat, blah blah blah.
So yeah, the choice to pursue surgical weight loss isn't magically neutral any more than a woman's choice to take her husband's last name is neutral. We're all influenced by Society. (Duh.) But that doesn't mean most bariatric patients are gormless dimwits actively coerced by the forces of evil into having our anatomy rearranged just so we can appease fatphobes by making ourselves smaller and more acceptable. This shit's complicated, so much more complicated, than that.
I certainly wasn't able to completely disentangle my anxieties and hopes about my appearance from my concerns about my actual somatic health. Four and a half years ago I was deeply immersed in the "fatosphere" and grappling with my desire to liberate my thinking from dominant narratives about morality and weight and appearance and just everything. I wanted to be a good and brave fat person who didn't apologize for taking up more than the share of space allotted by a fatphobic world. I wanted to live my life without constantly worrying about calorie restrictions, and without assigning moral weight to what I ate, or how much I exercised, or what size I wore. At the same time, I was panicking as my world shrank around me. My daytime drowsiness was so bad (sleep apnea) that I was giving up driving more often than not. I was missing out on things I wanted to do because of fatigue. My joints hurt and I was so afraid of falling and maybe permanently jacking up my back that I was growing timid about going out and doing things. My breathing was labored.
So, like, what was I supposed to do? Stay physically miserable out of solidarity with Fat Acceptance bloggers I'd never met? I don't think anyone is required to be healthy, get healthy, perform healthy; health is not a moral imperative or a measure of a person's worth. I don't think a fat person needs to try to become thin to deserve respect and kindness and appropriate medical care. I don't even think someone in the same situation I was back then should feel any kind of pressure to lose weight if they don't want to. And I also know there are healthy fat people out there, people heavier than I was at my heaviest whose lives are not constrained by their size (maybe by others' prejudices, but not by their actual bodies). I wouldn't want a thriving fat person to have wls just for the sake of becoming a thin person. And I wouldn't want an unhealthy fat person to be pressured to have wls in order to "earn" decent healthcare. With all those thoughts clanging around in my head, all I could do then was try to figure out the best way forward for myself.
I really tried to get healthier—not necessarily thinner, though I had lots of difficult feelings and thoughts on that subject at the time—by gradually starting to exercise, by trying to eat in ways that were less destructive to me, by getting a sleep study and treating my sleep apnea. Those things helped but it seemed like I hit a wall. I got a little better but didn't seem to be able to push through to really feeling like myself again. And I wasn't even thirty; the longer I waited, the harder it would be. And I knew people who'd had wls. They'd all been bigger than me when they went for it so part of me was afraid I'd be laughed out of the doctor's office, or maybe turned down by our insurance company.
But anyway, obviously I got the surgery and while I have a lot to say about my "head stuff" since then, physically it's made such a difference in my ability to exist in the world with less pain and more energy. Did losing weight resolve my sleep apnea? Well, no, and I am disappointed about that. But it made it less bad, and made my treatment more effective. And even since regaining, I'm still able to do things I either couldn't or was afraid to try ~five years go. I'm happy I had surgery and happy for the overall improvement in my health, but part of me still feels like I...capitulated? Surrendered to something? Gave up? I don't know. I feel guilty, sometimes, for having weight loss surgery. Like, how can I believe in Fat Acceptance and still have done this?
I have no idea! And I'm not going to sort through all these conflicting feelings tonight, not in one rambling and incoherent blog post. But I'm glad I got this off my chest.
In other news, I've been a slug all day. Slept in way late, overate (not disastrously, but still), didn't drink enough water. I did manage to rouse myself for an exciting sixteen minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow I'll be back to tracking—and I'm sure I'll spend at least part of the day brooding on weight loss surgery, celebrity weight loss narratives, Fat Acceptance, etcetera. For now I think it's time to go to bed.
Just a Saturday update
Mar 11, 2017
Yesterday was pretty good! I finally got back on ye olde treadmill and while I didn't break any land speed records it felt like a nice, solid workout: neither easy nor annihilating.
Today I'm in weekend mode which meant I let myself have a Starbucks beverage (scandalous) and am not tracking my food or being as neurotic as I "should" be (and am, consistently, on workdays.) But aside from that iced-vanilla-sweet-cream-coldbrew thingus I haven't indulged in anything terrible and don't plan to. No strenuous workout planned for today but tonight I will be going back to my volunteer gig (at the place I'd been working at part-time until I got my current job, and where I used to volunteer back before I got laid off from my previous full-time job...my work history is so sad, lol lol). Anyway, volunteering at this place means a couple hours of some standing but mostly walking, so that'll be good. Tomorrow I have specifically designated as a No Plans day, which means no commitments or plans with people. I want to:
- Make progress on some writing projects, both for my other volunteer gig and for two personal projects I've been bad about working on
- Get a real workout, either a nice walk outside with husband and dogs or a for-realsies trot on the treadmill if the weather keeps up like it has been
- Maybe prepare for the D&D session I'm DMing this week, if I feel like it
- Maybe sew something small, if I feel like it
Right now I'm having a little conversation with myself because I just ate either a hearty snack or a light lunch. I'm trying to make myself understand that I am not hungry. I'm not stuffed, I'm not uncomfortably full, and the urge to keep eating is real. But I need to not do that. It's a struggle.