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Liquids, day something. Day five, I think.

Today was a day of making mistakes. But I think things ended up okay. Woke up with a lot of energy, which is surprising because I assumed my TEN DAYS OF LIQUID HELL would see me perpetually enervated and miserable. (This has not been true!)

Part of my good mood, I think, was looking forward to seeing a friend today. Hadn't seen her for just over a year—right before her baby was born. But today I got to drive up to Seattle and see her and meet her son and drag them to the zoo and it was great. Had a really good time and it lifted my spirits tremendously to catch up with her and meet her little dude.

I sort of copped out of telling her about my upcoming surgery. I mean, I told her but I didn't really explain anything. When we were getting ready to head to Woodland Park, she asked if we should just plan to get food there—I said that was absolutely okay but I'm not actually eating solids right now because I'm having bariatric surgery on Wednesday so I'm on liquids and protein shakes blah blah. She was just, like, okay! And that was that. Totally didn't bother to explain what I meant by “bariatric” and she didn't ask, so. Cowardice in action!

Zoo was great. Saw some hippos.

Food court, though, arraldkjflskdjflskdjfa.ds.

You know, I realize I have to adapt and live in a world where people who aren't me get to choose to eat things I've chosen to avoid. But oh, loaded macaroni and cheese: difficult to watch someone eat. Especially while I was struggling to finish the loathsome Oh Yeah! RTD shake. Couldn't do it. Couldn't finish more than half of it. Never again!

Other minor failures: didn't drink enough water today. Had about sixteen ounces during the day and, combined with the SAD UNFORTUNATE EXPERIENCE of that Oh Yeah! shake (and the nastiness of southbound I-5 rush hour traffic) left me feeling pretty rotten by the time I got home. Six more cups of water and my best friend Jay Robb took care of that and, at 9:40 pm, I am feeling pretty darn okay.

(Although watching my husband eat a Wendy's chicken asiago meal almost did me in. I miss chewing.)

(AND I'm pleased with myself for remembering to bring my afternoon vitamins to the zoo.)

Liquids, day four: “Oh no, I'm actually going out and doing things today” edition

It's 4:14 and I'm back from doing things. Feeling pretty okay. Had an appointment with my therapist, and it was the first time I told her about my upcoming bariatric surgery. She was so supportive; it was great.

After that I bopped over to GNC to replenish my supply of Jay Robb powders and pick up some more multivitamins. Disappointment! No Jay Robb, no chewable vitamins that weren't the sugary gummy kind. Guess I'll remain a Super Supplments loyalist for the time being. Going to have the husband pick up some Jay Robb and chewables on his way home tonight—or maybe I'll go out with him when he gets home. We keep things spontaneous, you see. What I did pick up at GNC was a couple of those “blender cups” with the little coiled ball-thing. Hoping those will help me mix protein shakes that are a little less frothy and a little thicker. My surgeon's guidelines stress thickness as an important trait in one's protein shakes, and so far mine have been kind of...airy.

Grabbed some Wellesse Calcium & Vitamin D3 from Bartell—the nurse practitioner recommended it.

I also bought two Oh Yeah! ready-to-drink protein shakes. I'm an RTD skeptic, and at the the nurse practitioner said they aren't great under most circumstances. She said they're okay if you're traveling but strongly urged us to mix our own 99% of the time. But I'm going out tomorrow, all day, and want them on hand just in case. Probably bring along a packet of the Unjury “chicken soup” for, you know. Options.

Today has not been bad at all. My cold is slowly but surely peeling its talons out of my neck. Aside from a couple coughing fits I've felt almost human. Ugh, but my period started today. That's the opposite of fun. Oh well.

One week till surgery, oh em gee.

Liquids, day three.

Despite the best attempts of my cold virus to smother me in my sleep, I managed to stay in bed till noon and get some decent sleep. Feeling a skosh more human.

Been up for a little bit now and I've had my first protein shake, my first vitamins, and a mug of broth. Need to get that water in. Maybe after a shower.

Boy, I sure wish I wasn't sick.

My Unjury sampler arrived, hooray. Trying out the “strawberry sorbet” flavor in plain water. It's okay; has a bit of a smell. Might try it in almond milk some time, see if it can remind me of that nasty-yet-delicious Nestle strawberry milk. Wish I'd left the water in the freezer for longer to chill. I suspect really cold water would be better for this one. Live and learn. I have a second packet (they send two of each—chocolate splendor, vanilla, unflavored, strawberry sorbet, “chicken soup”) so I can always try colder later.

It's 4:13 now and I have to say I haven't dealt with any weird hunger pangs or serious food cravings. I was supposed to run some errands but after managing to doze till noon I figured one more day lurking around the house and nursing my cold would probably be for the best. Tomorrow, though. We'll see how I do out and about.

Hey, at 5:48 I am hungry. And haunted by the idea that I'm somehow screwing up my pre-op diet, that I'm Doing It Wrong and will Ruin Everything. Pretty sure I'm actually not, but I'd better muster the energy to review the documents from the Center for Weight Loss Surgery and either set myself straight or regain some peace of mind.

9:01 and I've been trying to get to sleep for a while. Impossible because I have to get up to pee every three minutes, or so it seems. I'm not sure how I'll ever get eight hours of sleep again if I'm expected to drink 80 to 100 ounces of water a day. All I do is pee. Yikes.  

Liquids, day two.

Woke up (late, because I've been sick and I'm trying to sleep off the crud) and my belly was gurgling.

Earlier, some chicken broth really made me feel full. That was novel. A few minutes ago I ate a serving of Jell-o. It's 2:16 now and I sure would like something to eat but I'm not, like, SUFFERING. It will be interesting to see where I am with the hunger and the desire for food, and whether I still feel even slightly sane, by tomorrow afternoon.

It is 5:00 and I want food. Hungry, a little, but mainly I want to taste food and chew food. Not to the point of slavering madness yet but the wanting is there. It's a good thing I'm just bumming around the house. This would be more difficult if I had to go out in the world. ...which I'm doing for most of the rest of the week, so I'd better buckle in for what may be a bumpy, hungry ride.

It's 7:50 now and I'm cranky and frustrated. Mainly because of my sore throat and overall lack of energy. Really, really need to feel functional. Sore throats are the worst. I'd almost rather be dealing with a runny nose and sneezing. If I just felt well enough to keep busy and catch up on the housework I'd feel so much better. Off to bed soon. Hoping I can sleep soundly (still haven't received the new mask for my CPAP, although it's allegedly getting mailed in the next couple days) and that another good night's sleep will slay this nastiness.  

Liquids, day one.

I'm sick! I've had a sore throat for the last two days. My husband has tonsillitis but it seems I just have a little virus. This is no good; I need this crud gone.

Otherwise, I'm okay. Freaking out about how much stuff needs to get done over the next week and a half. I'd really been counting on having this weekend to clean and organize and run errands, but I'm basically grounded with this sore throat. I guess the house will just stay messy for a little while longer.

So far today I've had my first protein shake, my morning vitamins, and I'm nursing a cup of water. There's a casserole dish of Jell-O (strawberry, sugar free) chilling in the fridge. We've stockpiled many cartons of low-sodium chicken broth.

Just wish swallowing didn't hurt so much; I'd be way better about getting my water in if it weren't for my damn throat.

It's now 4:22. I've had 64+ ounces of water, two protein shakes, and I'm on my second mug of broth. The big problem with chicken broth is that it smells like actual food, and gets the “real food” thoughts buzzing in my poor brain.

In a while I'll have another protein shake, and maybe eventually some Jell-O. Exciting!

By 6:05 I'll admit it would be nice to have something to eat. We'll see how the next few days go. Heard the third day is most difficult. Kind of worried about it.  

Opened up the Jay Robb Why Protein (chocolate!) this morning, not sure what to expect. At the pre-op nutrition class, the nurse practitioner warned us that people who are into Jay Robb are WAY INTO Jay Robb and won't drink anything else, but many others find it an acquired taste that's difficult to acquire.

My verdict: sweet. Shockingly sweet. I guess because of the stevia? This could be a lot less sweet and still be REALLY SWEET, but otherwise it's not bad. I blended it with six ounces of almond milk and it frothed up to about twelve ounces. Next time I should probably start with four. But for a first attempt, I'm pretty pleased. Don't know if I'll become a die-hard Jay Robb fan (I may never get over the open-shirt, showing-off-abs picture of Jay Robb himself on the label) but this is definitely palatable. Just...sweet. Oh god, so sweet.

Wonder what the vanilla will be like.

Yesterday was eventful. I had my appointment with the internist, which is the last step (aside from insurance approval) before I can schedule surgery and have a final consultation with the surgeon and whatnot. It went fine; nothing major in my test results so basically just a checkup. (AND a pap smear because I was way overdue for one. I was SO EXCITED to get that out of the way; I wasn't expecting it so when the doctor offered I was all, “hell yes, let me take off my pants right now.” Pelvic exams make me feel like such a responsible adult. Anyway.)

So I was pretty happy to have that out of the way, but apprehensive because I had no idea how long I'd have to wait to hear back from the insurance company about whether I'll be approved for my vertical sleeve gastrectomy. You read about people who have to wait months and months, and the idea of having to hold on till late spring or early summer really worried me; I quit my job last month, largely to free up my time for pre-op doctors' appointments and stuff, and I didn't want to stay in unemployment limbo indefinitely. (There were other reasons to leave that job, but wanting to get a move on with the bariatric surgery factored into the decision.)

Then! Late last night I got an email from the patient coordinator for the Center for Weight Loss Surgery: BCBS of Michigan approved me for the VSG, OMG. I'll have my final consultation on February 25^th and my surgery on February 27^th. I'm still reeling, but so happy. If all goes well, I hope to be seriously job hunting by mid March. (Knock on wood.)

On Sunday the 17^th I'll be on clear liquids (and thrice-daily protein shakes) until surgery. (I have to look up whether I'll need to knock off the protein shakes a day or so before surgery.) Nervous! Excited! Just spent $60.00 on a Fit & Fresh Portable Power Mixer and two tubs of Jay Robb protein powder. Which I've heard mixed things about. I guess if it's horrendously unpalatable and vile I'll just get a chance to test the return policy at Super Supplements. Earlier this week we ordered an Unjury sampler that should be here in a few days, and I anticipated eventually buying most of my protein and stuff on the internet—but I wasn't expecting to be headed to the land of liquids quite so soon so I don't have any on hand. (Technically I should've been doing the protein shakes already, but wasn't because I'm a bad person. From here on out though, just watch how crazy compliant I'm going to be. I'll start the protein shakes tomorrow, then go to liquids on Sunday.)

Nervous! Excited! Eek!

Oh, one last thing to be worried about: I have a tentative date with a friend on the 21^st. Here's hoping I'm not so run-down and miserable from the liquid diet that I can't enjoy myself. I haven't seen her in over a year, fret fret, don't want to ruin it, fret. Bridge will be crossed when I come to it but I can't help being a little anxious.

Grumpy and hungry. (And I'm not even adhering to the surgeon's dietary strictures yet, oh geez.) After a personal disappointment this morning, I spite-ate a big serving of frozen yogurt (with candy toppings and whipped cream in addition to the shame and guilt.) 

I don't feel good about this. I've been cranky the last couple days, and I've been cranky because I'm hungry. This seems cyclical; I'll go a few days or a week without much appetite, perfectly content with what I'm eating and with life in general. Then, wham, the angry-hungries hit and I get all lupine and mean and insatiable. 

Oh well. Appointment with the internist tomorrow. I'm weirdly worried that he'll disapprove of the whole bariatric surgery thing; no idea where that specific anxiety came from but I guess we'll see. 

Just occurred to me: maybe I'm feeling worn out, crabby, and thin-skinned because I haven't been using the CPAP. Still waiting for that new mask to arrive and haven't been wearing the horrible old nostril pillows in the meantime. That might have a lot to do with it, actually. Tomorrow I should call the medical supply place to see why it hasn't arrived yet. Ugh, and I have a pile of bills (most of them related to doctors' appointments and bariatric stuff) that need to be wrangled tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Scan of insurance card emailed to the clinic. I am inordinately excited about this.

Back from the nutrition class and feeling so much better.

Here are my disorganized thoughts, disorganized because I'm sleepy even though I slept in past eleven this morning. I REALLY need my new CPAP mask to arrive. Anyway:

First Mom and I stopped by the hospital to drop off the pee jug. (Apparently the 24-hour urine collection is to see where you are calcium-wise.) Then Mom and I drove up to my husband's office, collected him, and made our way back to the freeway. It was tight as it was, time-wise, and the freeway gods were not on our side. Thanks to some nasty rush hour traffic the three of us arrived to class about fifteen minutes late. (BEING LATE IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD I WAS GNASHING MY TEETH WITH RAGE ABOUT BEING LAAATE.) But it was fine and the nurse practitioner even stayed late to help me and the other late person make sure we were caught up.

She went over pre-op diets, both general stuff for all bariatric patients at this clinic as well as breaking down differences between the specific requirements for each surgery. There was a pretty good mix in the class: at least two of us anticipating the VSG, one lady going from a band to a duodenal switch, one (proximal?) gastric bypass, one revision from gastric bypass who doesn't know what her new surgery will be yet. A couple folks I wasn't sure of. Two other spouses (apart from my own.) I hope to see everyone again at support group meetings. I can see myself now thinking it's a good idea to attend support groups then getting lazy and weird and not going. Note to self: don't get lazy and weird, or at least if you do, triumph over your lazy weirdness and GO. Support group meetings will be HELPFUL.

We talked about: supplements, including protein; exercise; pre- and post-op diets and how long they last; foods (and other substances) to avoid; how to get in touch if/when we have questions or crises; etc. It was very informative and they gave us a great in-depth patient handbook. All the steps and dietary requirements are laid out very clearly so although it seems overwhelming from a distance, it's all broken down into manageable, doable steps. I'm excited about buying a blender; blenders sound important.

The class was taught by the same nurse practitioner who called me earlier today to clue me in about the liver-thing, so afterward I got a chance to ask her more about it. Turns out that whatever it is it's abut 7mm but they didn't get a super clear picture of it on the ultrasound. They're pretty sure it's a hemangioma (benign tumor of blood vessels) but, like I said, they didn't get the best-ever image of it so they want to be positive. In six months I'll have an other ultrasound and if it's the same size they're not going to worry about it. Also, I get to proceed with all the “surgery stuff” as if there were no mysterious liver-thing to worry about in six months' time. I'm so okay with this.

OH! One thing sucks, though, and is completely my fault: I FORGOT TO GIVE HER MY INSURANCE CARD ARGH WHY. Tomorrow I will call and see if I can just email them a scan of the front and back of my card. I have it scanned and ready to go in case that's okay. I hope it is; taking a special trip up to the clinic just to hand over the card would be pretty demoralizing. Bah. I can't BELIEVE I forgot to do that.