Celebrated too soon =(
Dec 21, 2008Well, I guess I celebrated too soon and jinxed myself. My sugars have now been creeping up and I have had to increase my insulin and I am just beside myself. I didn't have this surgery so I could be skinny or so I could wear a size 8. Those were just bonuses to me, that came along with everything. I really did this to make my diabetes better and to improve my health overall. I wanted my feet to be better and hurt less, my legs to be less swollen and I wanted to be able to walk and just feel better. I wanted to be able to go back to school and finally, finally finish my degree and I wanted to finally, finally be a teacher--that I haven't been able to do for ten years--ten! And, I want to have a baby, so badly...And, now I just feel like none of this will ever happen. I know people keep telling me that I need to give it time and maybe I will look back at this one day and laugh at how silly I am being, but right now I just hate this. I am just so depressed about it all. It felt soooo good to see my sugars in the normal range for the first time in ten years. And, now...I don't know. No, I lied...I do know....I know I need to drink more. I know I need to walk..continue and do more. I know I need to continue watching my carbs. I know I need to chew my food well and try to eat more slowly. I know I need to just keep doing this. But, I just....wish I was feeling like all this effort was working. I mean, I have lost weight, but for some reason I feel like it's not enough or not fast enough--not by my guidelines, but just by what I have heard other people say. I am terrified it will slow or stop. What would I do then? I just was feeling so good last week...and now....complete 180.
Anyway...I guess the only thing I can do....is just keep doing....it just sucks...I wish I felt better about it. Maybe I will at some point...I guess I will keep hoping for that day. I guess I will just buckle down and do all the things I know I need to do and maybe it will pay off. I'll let ya know!
May 21, 2008