I have been researching this weight surgery for some time now. Actually, I was here looking into info 2 years ago, then figured, no, its not for me...I can do this on my own. I will give myself a year...Ummm huh...we all know how that went. 2 years have went by now, and I am in worse health, less able to move around like I did, and miserable .I am so glad I was able to find this site again. It looks way different but I recognized Amy Williams..I thought, Cool! This the place!
 I know I want the surgery for sure. I have made up my mind.  I need to lose at least 150 pd's. ( That is so gross for me to admit)
I know this surgery is the  only chance I have at getting most of this extra weight off.
I have always been heavy. I was called fatso in kindergarten.
My Dad and my Grandpa, spent their energy telling my how I couldn't have what the rest of the children were having, I had to have diet stuff....SINCE THE AGE OF 3!!!!!!! So I guess I have grown up wondering what is the matter with me?
Why can't I have the same as them? I is not that I was allowed junk food and that's how I got heavy. We weren't allowed any of that food except on an occasion, holidays, get together's, etc, but our everyday eating was quite healthy. My brother and sister were bean poles. I have always been the chubby one.

As I sit here thinking of all the things about this surgery, all of the tests that have to be done, the rules for afterwards and so on, the water, the vitamins, the exercise. I think, YES! I can do all of those. I have spent years eating healthy, taking my vitamins, and I even feel wonderful when I do my exercises...What really bothers me , is that I am so addicted to food....
I have dealt with many additictions in my life, quit most of them too. I have been a non smoker for 3 1/2 years now! Yyayayayyy!!! Although, through the process of 2 attempts of quitting smoking, I gained 100 pounds...(Not the poster child for quitting smoking by far)
The thing that bothers me the most through this whole process, is that, staple my stomach all you want, but what takes care of the addiction?
I am currently seeing a counselor. She has been wonderful. I have been going there for about 3 or 4 months now. I have been on track a few times with her help. And then again, thru some of the most stressful times, I reverted back to food. Once I get carbs in my system, it is like unleashing an uncontrollable monster.
I have to fight and struggle to take back the reins every time. Why do I put myself thru that? Its the addiction. I don't feel like I have any control when I go thru one of these episodes.
Sometimes I can grab a hold in one day, sometimes, I get back to earth in a week or 2, sometimes, it goes on for months. (insert sad face here)
I do know one thing. I would never even attempt going thru this surgery without my counselor because I know , even though I might have been born with the chubby gene or slow metabolism , or something, Most of my problem is in my head. Not my stomach .Sure, a smaller stomach will help, but I need to conquer the battle in my mind as well to truly make this a success.

Maybe it will just take time. She knows just what it is like to turn to food in a crisis. I need her and appreciate her work so much.
I pray that God will help me to be strong.

On to my Journey!!


Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me

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About Me
Cherry Capital of the World!, MI
Surgery Date
Jun 04, 2006
Member Since

Friends 87

Latest Blog 33
So many thoughts for this lil brain O' mine,..lol
I can't beleive it!!
'Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm 7 weeks out today
HEY!!! It's all good!!!
I feel good, bada, bada, bada boom! LOL
Not sure how much to eat??????????
1 week check up!!!!