So many thoughts for this lil brain O' mine,

Jan 30, 2007

Ok, so i just took some after pictures...for the first time really, since surgery. Ok, Yes, I can see a difference...but what the ehck? is my mind stuck on negitive..????My mind tells me yeah, but ph yuck, look how far you still have to go ...Gee, makes me wonder if we ever get happy witgh ourselves. 
I know it has only been 3 months, and i have totally slipped out of ALL of the current clothing i was wearing. That is such a good feeling...and I am in clothes that i wore when me and hubby were dating, at least 10 years ago..Yayayy! That is awesome..!!! Yay Betheny!! 
I guess right now I am just in a down spot..Probably not a great time to take pictures of me. I thought maybe it would perk me know, to see what all; the Hoopla is about.. I see it, but in my mind, i still feel like, ewww.....gross....=0( 
Ok, so maybe it is just because i have been at a stall for almost 3 weeks....I have also been listless, and in a bad mood for that long this the normal part, or hormones moving around and all of that , or is this the mentally hard part...where all of the doubts creep in, and all of the sabotaging thoughts.....I'm thinking so. 
I think it purposely comes along, and I am sure it comes from the same place as Murphys law, and it bumos you off track, just to see how strong you are..One minute you think you have the world by the Ass, and the next minute, you just want to kick everyones ass...LOL

Well, I dont know if this is what people mean, by this is quite the ride, because i have my ups and down, and it does feel like a roller coaster. but then again, doesnt life feel that way anyway?????????? Yeh!
This is just the part that is with me constantly, from day one of knowing i was fat, which was at the very earliest, at the age of five.
Now, I am in the pit with it....fighting it out, with this little tummy of mine...pondering, worrying, fretting over who is going to win...Is the battle over? have i defeated it?
I already know the answer to that. Hell NO!!!
I have experianced hunger from the get go. 
Am i glad i had this surgery? YES!!
At least i have a fighting chance. Do i plan on winning...YES!!!!!
With all my might.....i might be in a bad mood the whole onward and
hopefully next entry , i will be in a bit of a better mood...shhheessshh!

I can't beleive it!!

Dec 19, 2006

I am down 55 pounds. Each day i see another pound gone, I am amazed...I am so very gratful for every single pound. I tried so hard to get my weight to budge, and couldnt barely get it to move all these years...Now, watching it go, it so jaw dropping to me. I love it!!! I feel so much better than I did 55 pds ago, thats for sure. 
I can move better, I can walk longer, i am more flexable, I can paint my toes and put on my socks and shoes with much more ease, I can reach my back better for scracthing, i can reach everything in the shower, or going to the bathroom, without turning inside feels so much better....I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo gratful.

Along with so many other things. My self esteem has already came up, I have more confidence, I can fit in my own office chair without the side digging in, I went down a whole shoe size already, Yay! , i can drive without the steering wheel hitting my belly, and I am down about 2 to 3 sizes oh wow!!! So much to be thankful for, in such a short time. Hard to even wrap your mind around sometimes, but totally awesome!!!! 

I am still walking my 2 miles per day. I have stepped up the aerbics of it all, and am now moving around more with it ( doing indoor walking tapes due to the icky weather) I am close to wanting to move ahead to the 3 mile walk...I know I can accomplish it! 
I have stuck right to the exercise , because i worked my butt of before deciding on this surgery and nothing would, I am so willing to work my butt of and see the rewards of my efforts. It makes me feel wonderful too, knowing, I am doing all I can in this whole process. I am more than happy to work out , especailly because i can, even at my weight, and also because it makes me feel good, and to see results from it, makes it so much easier to stick too, rather than plugging along, and being discouraged, so yeah, I am HAPPY to do my 2 miles per day. I know it has helped me have a faster weight loss, which is so good for me mentally too! Ahhh, having a wonderful Christmas over here...Thank You God for all my Gifts!!!!

'Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm 7 weeks out today

Dec 03, 2006


Of course 8 pds was on the pre-surgery diet, but still....I am shocked....
I couldnt wait to lose my first 50 pds, and here it is! 
So soon!! I would have never thought me of all people.

HEY!!! It's all good!!!

Nov 17, 2006

I just ran across a BMI chart, and decided to put in my new weight,..and Guess what??? 
When I started out, i was 56.6 BMI...that was the SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE category...55.8 just before i am 49.4, I just dropped down to only Extremely OBESE....Yeah, still sounds horrible under that description, but hey, at least it is down..there was no other category upwards...LOL......
Down is good!!!! Yayayayyyy!


Nov 15, 2006

Did I tell ya that I hate PMS week? Geezzz!! 
Ok, my whole entire life...Pms week, has been hell week for me..'
As a person who is addicted to food, every single month, no matter what diet i was on, or what plan i had in place, as soon as PMS would arrive, it blew everything out of the water. 
I never ever did good on any diet or whatever during PMS week..( aka hell week) 
Well, I was wondering how it would go after surgery...Well, guess what? Still hell week...LOL
I had horrible cravings all week..
'The only difference was, i usually crave specific foods...this time, i just craved food...
I would go to the fridge or cupboards and just stand there and gawk at the choices...I would even say outloud, "I dont even want anything" "Why am I standing here"...Ohhhhh, it about drove me nuts.
To conquer it , i tried different things...Heres what i did.
I would measure out my meal( the whole 1/4 or 1/3 of a cup of it, depending on what it was) and then only eat half of that...then a few hours later, while the food monster kept bugging me, i would go ahead and eat the other half of my kept the food supply steady...I thought, OMG!! What a sicko....I still have to have food so urgently!! 
But, I told my counselor about what I did and she said, that was perfect....Really? Why?????
She said, because i didnt do anything wrong and i worked out a plan that worked for me...she said, we need to do the right thing 80% of the time...we are still humsn, and we are still going to struggle with tbhis...but if we have it under control, 80% of the time, we will be fine...Huuum , that made me feel so much better. I can do 80%...its the 100% that we think we keep needing to be that makes us nuts. 
She forbids me to beat myself up...something I have always done..but that only puts us back into a negitive cycle, and then we dont treat ourselfes well, ( eating well, exercise, etc, ) so, we muct forgive ourselfes if we slip up, and be kind to ourselfes...She says, what would you tell your best friend? Oh Honey, its ok, just get right back up on that horse, and keep on, keeeping are going to do great!!! She said, talk to yourself that very same way...Makes a ton of sense...
Although, I still get scared that I will fail, or that I will spin out of control, or sure does help a ton to have the support of a counselor...I would not take this journey without that support and help of someone who can help me grow into my new life. I highly recommend it to everyone. We didnt get this way from just what we put in our body. We got this way because of why we put what we did in our bodies....
Ok, on to the better week!


Nov 08, 2006

NEVER in my wildest dreams could I have imgained!!!!!!!!

Today was my 3 week check up with the surgeon...
I am already down 30 pounds!!!!!!!!!!
PLUS, I lost 8 pds on my presurgery diet, so that makes 38 pds!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Faint 
Can you beleive that!!! It's only been 3 weeks!!! 

I am going to say , it has to be the walking I am doing...I hit the 2 mile a day mark on my second week. 
Any pre-ops out there, I would HIGHLY recommend going into surgery as strong as possible, so that you can start right off afterwards. 
I was walking a mile a day before surgery.....I have doubled that post op so far, and I have not missed a day.
I already look different and people already are noticing...WOW!!!!! 
I feel so very blessed, everything ig going so well!! Yayayyy!!! 
I couldnt get my weight to budge for nothing for years now, with diabetes, PCOS, Low thyroid, early menopause...this is unreal!!! But Yayayayayyyy! 
It also feels great...I feel like i dont take up so much room in the feels like this
Just wanted to share my excitment!!! 
38 pds lighter, Betheny~

I feel good, bada, bada, bada boom! LOL

Nov 06, 2006

Ok, well, i guess it is hard to sing that part of the song in i know what i mean...Haaa

Anywhoo, Yayayayyy! I am walking 2 miles per day. Of course, it hurts my hips, and by the time i get back home, i cant move for a few i just sit still, and then i am fine. It is so worth it, becaise i can sure see it helping my weight loss go very quickly. 
I cant beleive I am already down a size...In just a few weeks??? I just didnt imagine it would go that quickly, but Yayay, so glad it is. It feels great. 
I havent been able to budge my weight in years, and see it just fall off is a miracle in my eyes. 
Especially, I feel good, I am doing the right things, and food is sitting well. 
Is it hard? Yes, it is hard. I have had a lifetime of food addiction. 
Do i sometimes want to eat more..Yes
Do I want to sometimes eat for no reason.Yes
Do I have head hunger...Yes
But guess what? I feel like, i finally have this tool that is goong to help me get this weight off, and it feels so good to have the help, and seeing it actually work, that it helps me in be more in control. I would try and trey to get this weight off and all the work in the wolrd wouldnt show me progress. So, of course, i got discouraged. 
This time, it is different. I am so glad for this very glad. 
People are already noticing. My daughter calls me her skinny mini right..hello, i just had surgery a few weeks is just because she sees the diff. 
Havent even seen my son at all. He is off in his own little world. He doesnt really care right now...Oh well, thats ok. 
I need to focus on me anyway, and i guess he needs to focus on him. Maybe i will see him over the holidays...???

Just some thoughts..Off i go with my new found energy! LOL


Oct 30, 2006

I made it to 1 1/2 miles today on my walk!!! Yayaayyy! 
I am proud of me!!!
I cant do much else physcially, but i can walk. 
It is still hard to bend over, cant pick up much, get tired moving around quickly while trying to do something in the house, but boy, the walking sure seems to be going good...of course, i can feel the muscles once i get back home, but it does feel good and i feel good about myself, having gotten it done in the beginning of the day....I hope it will help my weight loss along...I know it has helped my self esteem and also my strength, as I have not felt once bit weak since surgery. Tired yes, but never a weak moment...Cool!

It also seems like every day I wake up, i see a different thing on my body that has is like things were shifting in the
My face has already taken on a different shape...sometimes my double ( which is much smaller already..yayayayyy) seems a little then there is a dent i never seen before in my back feels different...Oh boy, i just wait to see the transformation...

Not sure how much to eat??????????

Oct 25, 2006

I am just 9 days post-op, on the stage 2 diet, full liquids, cream of wheat, cream soups, yogurt, pudding, etc. 
Not sure how much to eat. I dont think i can feel my pouch just yet....
I am trying to go slow, and stop in between bites, to see if any sensation shows up....i can detect a very slight feeling.....very slight...not even sure if that is it....
so thats when i stop,  but still not sure how much is too much or too little.
The Doc didnt give quanitity. Said just take a few bites, then wait. Then take a few more bites. Then wait...???
Like, I had cream of chicken soup today, those soup on the go things. I heated up half the can, which is about 5 oz.'s, and i ate the whole thing. 
I thought, maybe because it was more liquid, that lets say, pudding. 
A sf pudding cup, i eat in about 2 this about right, can anyone tell me?
Thanks a bunch! 

1 week check up!!!!

Oct 23, 2006

Today was great!! Went and saw my Doc/Nurse for my one week
appointment...First I lost 12 pds!!! Yayayayyy!!! 
But, I had already lost 8 pds on just the presurgery diet, so OMG! 20 pds in just a few weeks....How cool is that!!! 
Then i got that drain
out...ohh, ahhhh....that feels Sooooo much better!! And third, I get to
eat food today!! I am excited...that liqiud part was not easy. So,
cream of wheat, here i come!! LOL YUMM!
Each step, i feel better and better. Doing good on my water, doing good
with my walking. Feel a sense of hope, like i havent had in such a long
time. Of course, i still have that , I will beleive when i see it, but
i think a lifetime of dieting does that to you. This feeling of hope
feels good. I am excited to experiance the rest of my journey!

About Me
Cherry Capital of the World!, MI
Surgery Date
Jun 04, 2006
Member Since

Friends 87

Latest Blog 33
So many thoughts for this lil brain O' mine,
I can't beleive it!!
'Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm 7 weeks out today
HEY!!! It's all good!!!
I feel good, bada, bada, bada boom! LOL
Not sure how much to eat??????????
1 week check up!!!!