Been a Really Long Time

Jul 14, 2010

Wednesday, July 13, 2010

Can't believe I haven't posted for so long.  I've gotten off-track and somehow, if it wasn't documented on paper, it wasn't real.  Right.  Well, it is real, and I am doing something about it.  Admitting I screwed up is necesary for me to get back on track.  So, here goes.

When did it start?  I think it started about the time I had plastic surgery - Spring of 2009.  I got out of the habit of exercising and told myself I needed to eat in order to heal properly.  I upped my protein intake AND my calories.  Slowly, I allowed myself to eat foods that should only be eaten once in a blue moon, if ever.  Potatoes, white bread and pasta, pizza with crust, etc.  I drank alcohol (vodka w/ crystal light lemonade) - about 1 weekend per month.  Recently, it changed to every weekend.  My system can't handle the calories from alcohol.  Also, I knew if I was going to drink alcohol, I had to eat.  I got into late night eating - things like crackers, chips, popcorn, and nuts.  Eventually, I abandoned the rule about no fluids 30 minutes before, during, and 30 minutes after a meal.  I ate too fast.  The only rule I didn't break was getting in my protein.  I am a protein fanatic - every day. 

I might also mention that in February this year, I had to say goodbye to my sister Linda.  She had been very sick for a year.  She had either been in a hospital or nursing home since early 2009.  She was older than me and was like my second mom after our mom passed away in 1992.  She was my cheerleader for everything in life.  During all of the darkest times in my life, she was there.  The night she died, she had one eye that stayed open.  As I closed it, I thought "she will always watch over me from heaven".  I'm sure she is still cheering me on, although I know she would be disappointed in me.  You see, she was The Poster Child for me having WLS.  She was overweight  for as long as I could remember.  Most of that time, she was morbidly obese.  She suffered many health problems.  I was on the road she traveled when I decided to have WLS.  She was so proud of me for taking control and changing my life.  She was so sick around the time I got off-track.  She never knew. 

I want to say this - her illness and her passing were not an excuse to eat.  Nothing - I repeat - nothing - 'makes' you eat.  We 'choose' how we deal with stress.  I 'chose' to eat.  I had a choice and I made the wrong choice!

Anyway, my life has to go on without her.  I vow to get back on track - get back to basics.  I joined my old gym and hired a personal trainer.  My first workout was Monday.  It felt so good.  I started the 5 Day Pouch Test on Tuesday and am doing ok with it.  The day before I only drank protein shakes during the day.  That evening, I did eat sauteed beef tips w/ mushrooms and onions.  So, since Sunday, I have had no starches and no sweets.  Nothing that I shouldn't have.  I already feel better.  Not so sluggish.  I also drank no alcohol this weekend.  My goal is to eat healthy and exercise.  I had this surgery to be healthy and I sure haven't felt healthy lately.  I really believe I am on the mend. 

I am a tax accountant.  In 2009, my clients were shocked by my transformation.  This tax season, I had several actually comment that I'd kept the weight off.  They seemed surprised.  It seems like everyone knows someone that initially did great with WLS and then gained back their weight.  I don't want to be one of those people.  I have always tried to set a good example for other WLS patients.  For several months, I avoided this web sight.  How could I be supportive to others when I was failing myself?  All that is changing.  I probably won't be on here on a regular basis, but I will try to post my progress on this blog.  Writing this has been a big step and I already feel a sense of relief.  Somehow, I hope to inspire those who have also gotten off-track and to be a warning to the rest.

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