indynurse
3 months post op
Oct 13, 2010
well its been 3 months since my RNY surgery, im down 65 lbs.. but i honestly dont see a difference when i look in the mirror :( .. my clothes def feel different on me.. some are ' hanging on me.. n my family says they can see it, but not me.
i keep fighting the buyers remorse feelings alot it seems like.. and i hate that.. i dont want to regret this surgery cuz there isnt any going back to before . just so tired of the incredible nausea and vomiting i have been dealing with. i never feel good. i feel weak and i dont feel like exercising.. and this was how i felt before surgery.. i feeling like i mebbe trading one set of problems for another.. uhhh.. i dont want to feel that !!
i hope in the next few months those buyers remorse feelings will go away. im doing all i can to make that happen for me. im goin to pray more for God's help with this.
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i keep fighting the buyers remorse feelings alot it seems like.. and i hate that.. i dont want to regret this surgery cuz there isnt any going back to before . just so tired of the incredible nausea and vomiting i have been dealing with. i never feel good. i feel weak and i dont feel like exercising.. and this was how i felt before surgery.. i feeling like i mebbe trading one set of problems for another.. uhhh.. i dont want to feel that !!
i hope in the next few months those buyers remorse feelings will go away. im doing all i can to make that happen for me. im goin to pray more for God's help with this.
found this on a website...
Aug 23, 2010
found this on a website.. thought it was a good article so i posting here. ...
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What I Wish I Had Known
- I wish I had realized that my life would still revolve around food – or at least, what I ingest. Instead of being able to forget all about eating, my day consists of counting fluid ounces, protein grams and supplements.
- I wish I had known how difficult it would be to get all of the required fluids, proteins, and supplements in every day.
- I wish I had realized that gastric bypass surgery – and the ensuing weight loss – will not make all my problems go away. That I would still face issues even though I weighed less.
- I wish I had realized how this weight loss would change the relationships in my life – for better and for worse.
- I wish I had understood how incredibly traumatic it is to follow the liquid diet immediately after surgery, to see others eat and how I would feel excluded from things like family dinners.
- I wish I could have understood how it’s both liberating and frightening to be smaller.
- I really wish I could have seen how the sagging skin and remaining fat would look, and how self-conscious it would make me continue to feel.
- I wish someone could have gotten it through my head that I would still have to work at weight loss.
- I wish I would have known that my weight loss would make others feel uncomfortable and self conscious about their own weight and therefore they’d want to lash out at me.
- I wish I had realized that complications can happen to me and that those complications can be very unpleasant.
- I wish I had known how my attitudes toward food would change, and how unpleasant it would become to watch others shovel too much food in.
- I wish I had known hwo my attitudes toward overweight people would change, and how strange it would feel to not be “part of the club” around them.
- I wish I had known how easy it is to become obsessed with how I look, and how I would have to watch myself to make sure all my conversations didn’t revovle around me, my weight loss or my wrinkled skin.
- I wish I had known how invasive well-meaning people can be with their questions and how uncomfortable it would make me.
- I wish I had known that after 6-9 months the old demons of cravings and head hunger would rear their ugly heads and that eating right would not be easy or automatic.
- I wish I had known how horrible dumping really is, and how often it would happen to me after also having my gall bladder out.
- I wish I had known how frustrating it would be when I suddenly had loads of energy but my family didn’t, and how depressing it would be that all they wanted to do was watch tv.
- I wish I had known how sweet and understanding my husband would be and how difficult watching me lose weight while he didn’t would be for him. And I wish I had paid more attention to that during the first year, and thanked him more.
- I wish I had known what a relief it would be to interact with strangers and not feel they were judging me for being fat.
- Most of all, I wish I had realized that I’d still be “me” 100 pounds lighter.
3 weeks post op
Aug 13, 2010
well im 3 weeks post op. had my surgery on july 23rd. hadnt felt like blogging until now really. day of surgery i went in, they weighed me, i put a hosp gown on, ted hose, and they put an iv in my arm. eventually they walked me to the OR i remember looking back at my family as i started down the hall with the nurse to the OR room, wonderin if it would be last time i would lay eyes on the most precious ppl in my life. i was scared....... i woke up in recovery and i was in a lot of pain. i immediately felt like i was lied to.. i did feel alot of pain, but then again the surgeon also repaired a hernia and told my family i had alot of scar adhesions so mebbe thats why i had alot of pain. i was very miserable.
i had immediate regrets then for doin the surgery.. all i kept thinking was.. what did i do to myself? really had regrets when i got up on the floor, n started walking, the pain was miserable. one time around the unit, blood started dripping from my belly.. kept bleeding so much , my heart rate started increasing up to the 130's when i would walk and i would feel a ' whooshing' sound in my ears when i would walk, come to find out my hemoglobin dropped to 7.5. ended up with a blood transfusion and they stopped my lovenox shots. so i was scared my potential for blood clots went way up cuz of that. kept thinking why oh why did i have this surgery.. top it all off.. i gained lil over 10 lbs after surgery from all that fluid they gave me. i also had problems with my oxygen levels during that whole time cuz i had partial lung collapse .
being home n recovering has been hard also for me. the pain was bad for about a week. thank goodness for my sisters who i stayed with for that first week, they were up with me at nite , wake up early in am with me when the pain would be so much worse . ive been home for bout 2 weeks now. only have to take pain meds bout twice a day. morning n eve.. having a very hard time in getting all my fluids in, my protein in , thats what ive been struggling with so far. todays weigh in, im down 35 lbs... i am very happy bout the lost weight but this hasnt been easy by a long shot . due to not gettin my protein in like i should i have such hunger pangs its not funny. i kno some of it is head hunger but i think alot of it has to do with my lack of protein, jus had delivered another set of diff protein shakes called Oh Yeah. i hope i can choke them down.. crosses fingers.
i see the surgeon for my post op check up on the 27th.. soo hope i get advanced from full liquid diet cuz it so sucks.. im sickkkkkk of cottege cheese and refried beans i could scream if i eat another bite .....ok will shut up for now n blog laters ..
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i had immediate regrets then for doin the surgery.. all i kept thinking was.. what did i do to myself? really had regrets when i got up on the floor, n started walking, the pain was miserable. one time around the unit, blood started dripping from my belly.. kept bleeding so much , my heart rate started increasing up to the 130's when i would walk and i would feel a ' whooshing' sound in my ears when i would walk, come to find out my hemoglobin dropped to 7.5. ended up with a blood transfusion and they stopped my lovenox shots. so i was scared my potential for blood clots went way up cuz of that. kept thinking why oh why did i have this surgery.. top it all off.. i gained lil over 10 lbs after surgery from all that fluid they gave me. i also had problems with my oxygen levels during that whole time cuz i had partial lung collapse .
being home n recovering has been hard also for me. the pain was bad for about a week. thank goodness for my sisters who i stayed with for that first week, they were up with me at nite , wake up early in am with me when the pain would be so much worse . ive been home for bout 2 weeks now. only have to take pain meds bout twice a day. morning n eve.. having a very hard time in getting all my fluids in, my protein in , thats what ive been struggling with so far. todays weigh in, im down 35 lbs... i am very happy bout the lost weight but this hasnt been easy by a long shot . due to not gettin my protein in like i should i have such hunger pangs its not funny. i kno some of it is head hunger but i think alot of it has to do with my lack of protein, jus had delivered another set of diff protein shakes called Oh Yeah. i hope i can choke them down.. crosses fingers.
i see the surgeon for my post op check up on the 27th.. soo hope i get advanced from full liquid diet cuz it so sucks.. im sickkkkkk of cottege cheese and refried beans i could scream if i eat another bite .....ok will shut up for now n blog laters ..
3 more days
Jul 20, 2010
" what works in your life works because you make it work.
you succeed because you make the right choices,
you choose the right attitude,
and you enact the right behavior to generate the
right results.
It is YOU who must create the life you want--
and the choice is yours."
i so hope i making the right choice for me.
right now im nervous and very weepy today. cant seem to stop the tears, and i not even sure
why im crying . jus very weepy . i left a message for the pastor at st vincent's.. i asked him to pray with me before surgery starts. i've asked God to help me these past months when i was trying to get approved thru insurance. i hope God is with me on this and its what he wants in his plans for me.
1 comment
you succeed because you make the right choices,
you choose the right attitude,
and you enact the right behavior to generate the
right results.
It is YOU who must create the life you want--
and the choice is yours."
i so hope i making the right choice for me.
right now im nervous and very weepy today. cant seem to stop the tears, and i not even sure
why im crying . jus very weepy . i left a message for the pastor at st vincent's.. i asked him to pray with me before surgery starts. i've asked God to help me these past months when i was trying to get approved thru insurance. i hope God is with me on this and its what he wants in his plans for me.
pre op testing
Jul 12, 2010
well i went in for pre op testing on july 8th... went pretty well , they were very organized with all the testing. only thing i hated was drinking that awful barium for the upper GI test. ewww that thick chalk tasting stuff was horrible !!.. lol... but i survived it... my sister went with me.. nice to have someone go along so u dun feel so alone thru this process. saw Dr Gomez again, she did my H n P for Dr Inman.. kinna makes me worry a lil that i havent even seen the surgeon since last may and that was only for bout 10-15min. which cost 200.00. .sheesh.. but Dr Gomez assured me how great a surgeon Dr Inman was, that they are very busy in the OR so i'll try to stop worrying over it. went to the GNC n bought some samples of diff protein shakes, hopefully i'll like em.. also bought a ninja blender make the shakes thicker n hopefully taste better. want to find some extracts n suger free syrups to mebbe add to them.
please God be with me during the surgery . i think i am gonna ask a pastor at the hospital to come pray with me before i go under.. so nervous, i hope all goes well for me.
1 comment
please God be with me during the surgery . i think i am gonna ask a pastor at the hospital to come pray with me before i go under.. so nervous, i hope all goes well for me.
scared
Jul 06, 2010
i guess cuz of the date ( july 23rd) is coming closer n closer, im really gettin scared of the reality of what could happen during the surgery and the complications after if i survive. guess it didnt help when i stumbled on the ' in memory ' page they have on here. reading bout the ppl who died from the pneumonia, blood clots, massive heart attacks relating to wls. i've been thinking hard bout it all and i still not going to change my mind bout the surgery. i just cant contine living like this and not try to do somefin bout it like this wls. i've tried all the regular ways of losing weight, and this is my only option or not have the surgery and prolly end up in a w/c within a few yrs and prolly be on 02 all the time for my breathing. i love my family dearly but i jus cant feel like a burden anymore. i hope God will help me thru this surgery and i can lose weight and start being like i used to be, a full time nurse and someone who wasnt afraid to leave her home . if i die and my sister reads this, plz let the rest know how much i love each and every one of them . and if i ever have let them down for anything i am truly sorry.
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~ 4 more weeks till surgery ! ~
Jun 25, 2010
cant believe i have 4 more weeks till my surgery date.... im so excited at the thought of making my life better but then the negative thoughts keep coming at me also.. i hate those thoughts.. but i've lived with disappointment and feeling like a failure pretty much all my life.. i've failed at every diet attempt i ever made. and im scared i'll be the one who will fail at gastric bypass. i 've never been able to lose much weight when i've gone on other diets.. what if i fail at this.. i couldnt take it. i just wont let myself fail again... uhhh.. wish i could stop negative thinking.. mebbe i do need to see a psych doctor but i dont t hink my insurance would pay it.. sighs..
it doesnt help when a few ppl i've spoken to bout this will mention," well i kno someone who has had this surgery and they just gained it all back... " why u want to have a high risk surgery jus to gain it all back.."... of course that thinking sticks with me.. ok stop thinking bout the negative.. uh.. i jus gonna enjoy my excitement for this and i hope that God will be with me during the surgery and that ultimately this tool will help me be able to get back to work and not be in so much pain with my back hurting n feet burning . i think my weight has damaged my knees, esp my right knee.. when i go down stairs or lift my leg up n down at the knee i can hear n feel like bones in my knee jus crunching , i have such a hard time goin up and down stairs.. i have a cousin's wedding that is this weekend, i didnt rsvp to go cuz i am scared to death i'll sit in some chair at the reception and it will break or it will stick to me when i get up. .i had that happend when i was at my aunts house once, they were having a pitch in outside n i started to get up from the chair n it stuck to me.. the humiliation was awful... i asked my sister to stand in front of me so i could pull off the chair n hopefully no one else would see what happened.. ever since then.. i am very wary of going to places. i pretty much homebound , i dont like goin places and when i do leave my home, all i wanna do is return to it even though it does make me feel so isolated..
i so hope this surgery will change my life and make it better for me.. please God be with me
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it doesnt help when a few ppl i've spoken to bout this will mention," well i kno someone who has had this surgery and they just gained it all back... " why u want to have a high risk surgery jus to gain it all back.."... of course that thinking sticks with me.. ok stop thinking bout the negative.. uh.. i jus gonna enjoy my excitement for this and i hope that God will be with me during the surgery and that ultimately this tool will help me be able to get back to work and not be in so much pain with my back hurting n feet burning . i think my weight has damaged my knees, esp my right knee.. when i go down stairs or lift my leg up n down at the knee i can hear n feel like bones in my knee jus crunching , i have such a hard time goin up and down stairs.. i have a cousin's wedding that is this weekend, i didnt rsvp to go cuz i am scared to death i'll sit in some chair at the reception and it will break or it will stick to me when i get up. .i had that happend when i was at my aunts house once, they were having a pitch in outside n i started to get up from the chair n it stuck to me.. the humiliation was awful... i asked my sister to stand in front of me so i could pull off the chair n hopefully no one else would see what happened.. ever since then.. i am very wary of going to places. i pretty much homebound , i dont like goin places and when i do leave my home, all i wanna do is return to it even though it does make me feel so isolated..
i so hope this surgery will change my life and make it better for me.. please God be with me
~
Jun 15, 2010
Depression gets you nowhere but tangled in an overgrown garden that can
choke the life out of you
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choke the life out of you
surgery date !!
Jun 09, 2010
july 23rd , gotta be there at 6am n starts at 8am... excited n scared to i guess.. being a nurse i start thinking of possible complications prolly even more than most ppl. mebbe not.. mebbe its just normal for everyone goin thru this , but i kno whatever happens, i couldnt keep living in this body and being miserable every day. went to walmart this evening and by the time i got home .. heck by the time i made it out to my truck, my ankles felt like they were goin to snap into. and my feet were burning and low back pain, im so tired of it. i want to be able to do these 'normal' activities without hurting so bad i holding back tears cuz i so hate crying . so yeah, whatever the risks are with this surgery im ready to do something that hopefully will change my life for the better. its worth the risk
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frustrated
Jun 09, 2010
since i got my approval for RNY surgery i have been anxiously waiting for my surgery date. they said it would be 1-3 weeks before i find out what my date will be.. well, this past monday i had a voicemail from jama (sp?) from Dr Inman's office wanting to give me my date. she didnt leave on my voicemal my date jus said to call back, which i did bout 30min after she left that message. ( i was gone visiting my mom).. anyways. she didnt answer, so left her a voice mail.. never heard back.. so yesterday i left her a voicemail giving her my cell phone number also cuz i told her i had a dr appt n was afraid i would miss her phone call again.. never heard back.. so today i called again.. jus got her voicemail.. again... so i finally talked to a receptionist who said she wasnt allowed to give me a date and that jama would give me a call back.. uhhh.. i am not the most patient person to begin with and after waiting a year for approval.. sighs i jus want to kno when my date is.. so i kno when i will really be able to be living again.. not feel like i am now. someone who watches life pass her by cuz of the absoluate misery of living in this body . i missed my daughter's last choir concert last month and it still hurts me. she told me when she started having concerts that she didnt think i could fit in the seating they have. :( ..... i was afraid to go and embarrass myself and her. so i didnt go to her concerts this year. and last month was her last one. she will be a junior next year n only having 2 classes at the high school , then goin to beauty college. my only child and i missed out on something that should have been special for me to see. and its all cuz of my fat body that i hate so much. and i hate myself for being like this.
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About Me
Noblesville, IN
Location
35.1
BMI
Surgery
07/23/2010
Surgery Date
May 11, 2009
Member Since
