indynurse
~ 4 more weeks till surgery ! ~
Jun 25, 2010
cant believe i have 4 more weeks till my surgery date.... im so excited at the thought of making my life better but then the negative thoughts keep coming at me also.. i hate those thoughts.. but i've lived with disappointment and feeling like a failure pretty much all my life.. i've failed at every diet attempt i ever made. and im scared i'll be the one who will fail at gastric bypass. i 've never been able to lose much weight when i've gone on other diets.. what if i fail at this.. i couldnt take it. i just wont let myself fail again... uhhh.. wish i could stop negative thinking.. mebbe i do need to see a psych doctor but i dont t hink my insurance would pay it.. sighs..it doesnt help when a few ppl i've spoken to bout this will mention," well i kno someone who has had this surgery and they just gained it all back... " why u want to have a high risk surgery jus to gain it all back.."... of course that thinking sticks with me.. ok stop thinking bout the negative.. uh.. i jus gonna enjoy my excitement for this and i hope that God will be with me during the surgery and that ultimately this tool will help me be able to get back to work and not be in so much pain with my back hurting n feet burning . i think my weight has damaged my knees, esp my right knee.. when i go down stairs or lift my leg up n down at the knee i can hear n feel like bones in my knee jus crunching , i have such a hard time goin up and down stairs.. i have a cousin's wedding that is this weekend, i didnt rsvp to go cuz i am scared to death i'll sit in some chair at the reception and it will break or it will stick to me when i get up. .i had that happend when i was at my aunts house once, they were having a pitch in outside n i started to get up from the chair n it stuck to me.. the humiliation was awful... i asked my sister to stand in front of me so i could pull off the chair n hopefully no one else would see what happened.. ever since then.. i am very wary of going to places. i pretty much homebound , i dont like goin places and when i do leave my home, all i wanna do is return to it even though it does make me feel so isolated..
i so hope this surgery will change my life and make it better for me.. please God be with me
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About Me
Noblesville, IN
Location
35.1
BMI
Surgery
07/23/2010
Surgery Date
May 11, 2009
Member Since
