much going on here...

Jun 05, 2009

i'm horrible at remembering to blog!  seriously.  :P

things have been a bit rough for me the past few months.  my energy levels are quite low; i need to see an endocrinologist but i'm not working often enough for the finances to do so.  i also hit a pretty big depressive slump in march.  the good news is that my mood and my energy levels seem to be on a gradual upswing for the past couple of weeks; i am encouraged by that.

i've also started seeing a therapist for body image issues.  i am pretty depressed and disgusted by the way my body looks after losing 115 pounds in such a short time.  i feel like a melted candle with national geographic boobs.  yeah, cognitively i knew i would face this but it's hitting me much harder on the emotional level.  i feel like i've looked so disgusting for so long that now that i've worked so hard to be a "normal" size i should be able to look sexy and feel confident, right???  well.... i don't.  and it sucks.  i'm working toward plastic surgery but it will be a while before i can afford financing.

speaking of plastics, i'm getting some heinous back pain from those giant saggy boobs!  i've been to multiple doctors and am on muscle relaxers and narcotics... the meds help some but i can't function and i certainly can't work in my job as an icu nurse.  i'm so frustrated.  i need to look into insurance coverage for a reduction.  this is insane!  i saw a chiropractor yesterday and am starting physical therapy next week... i hope it helps! 

sorry to rant so much, but that's my news.

oh, i am also starting the 5 day pouch test today.  my weight loss is slowing down a bit.  i'm officially at 162.5.  so we'll see how this does.  i think i've gotten a little carb addicted and i want to be back on track! 

here's the link if anyone is interested:  http://www.5daypouchtest.com/

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