JAFreshStart
Honestly, I've always felt fat and overweight for as long as I can remember. It's funny how small moments really shape you as a child. I can remember being young, about five years old, and my mother taking me shopping for school clothes. We were in the store and I asked her what my size was, and she said "size six" So we got a lot of size 6's and went into the dressing room to try them on. The first pair of pants I put on were a tight and my mom playfully pinched my belly and said in this sing-song voice "uh-oh...someone needs to go on a diet." I was totally freaked out!! I asked her why, but she didn't really explain herself. So we went out and got a bunch of size 6-X clothes and I asked her what the "x" meant. She said "i'm not sure, probably means extra large six." I remember even then thinking "oh, my...god. I'm totally fat." The word carried such negative thoughts and feelings with it, and I felt helpless and powerless to the fat machine. From that point on, I was totally obsessed with weight. My mother, bless her, was not much help...she didn't know that all I needed was her support and her saying to me "hey listen...you're not fat..." which would have been a good thing to hear (since I wasn't! I was a healthy kid for crying out loud!), but instead she'd do these fad diets with me. Like the 3-day diet, the 2-week diet, and of course we all remember the cabbage soup diet. so we'd lose a couple of pounds together and then pack on twice as many pounds together...we went on and on on a long roller coaster of unawareness.
Eventually, I graduated from high school. This whole time, I always thought I was fat...and I was always sure I was, and was certain that the reason I'd only had one boyfriend the whole time was because I was a total fatty. The real reason was that I was totally self-conscious and afraid to talk to boys, but I didn't realize that. After high school, I got really depressed. All of my female friends were gone, off having lives away at college (I chose to stick close to home and go to community college). I finally started to really give in to what I thought was my lot in life...obesity. I totally went negative on the exercising and positive on the eating. I started packing on the pounds at that point (so in high school, I weighed about 175...not small, but not huge. I also did sports in high school). Eventually, I moved away to college and continued to gain weight. The summer before starting graduate school (when my "before" picture from my profile was taken), I weighed about 260 pounds.
Then, around october of 2005, I started to really think about what I was doing to myself. My father has adult onset diabetes, and Iknew that I was headed in exactly that direction. I was afraid that I'd be dead at 40 at the rate I was heading. So, I started to try to get smart about my weight. I joined a gym in november of 2005 and started eating healthier. I knew I had a long way to go, so I started working out every day, at first for 30 minutes, then 45, then 50...now I do 1.5 hours of cardio six days a week and weight training for about 15-30 minutes after that.
At 155 pounds, I'm finally in control of myself. Although there are probably a million reasons why I "let myself go" I won't get into them here (good lord, this personal story is getting long enough!! if anyone has made it this far...i'm sorry to make you read so much!). I'm just so happy to have finally ended up at this point. I want to lose about 15-20 more pounds, then I will begin to consider a tummy tuck and breast augmentation, which is why I joined this websight (to learn more about this and what to expect).
Thanks to everyone who's shown me support so far.
-Julie
