My progress

Aug 20, 2009

Well it has been some time since posting and Lord knows I don't do it very often, but I feel like its time to make some headway on this. Here and now is a hard place to live when you are not able to pop a piece of food in your mouth to cover up feelings and emotions that are growing and showing! Am I right people?! I know I am...I don't think I ever really knew myself. Not really. I work so hard at becoming what I thought everyone else was wanting from me that I just buried all of me in a layer of fat soooo thick that nothing could penetrate it.

I am amazed at how raw my emotions are and have become. I feel as though the layers being peeled away have really been a catalyst to change in my person. My personal identity! Who the hell am I anyway? Good golly, I know my surgical team really tried to prepare me for these changes, but if they only knew the true nature of these changes and how a lifetime of stuffing (literally) feelings must change overnight; I know they would try even harder to help us all understand what to expect. It seems to me that it can be very easy for me to exchange one obsession (food) with another (anger, self loathing, secluding, etc.). So, I am trying hard to understand me and what it means to me to make this transformation. Loosing sooo much of a persons physical being so fast is a bit unnerving, but dear Lord I would do it all again today. I cry for myself then and now. Can anyone say Pandora?

So, for now I am happy. Super family and a job that pays the bills. God keeping me in the palm of His hand and showing me more mercy than I have ever known. Looking for the peace some days as I know I tend to be a little dramatic...THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! YOU ARE MY OH FAMILY AND WITH OUT YOU ALL HERE I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO LOST!

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