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SHE PASSED IN MY ARMS TODAY ON THE WAY TO THE VET...I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER THE BELLY RUBS, THE SOFTNESS OF HER FUR, HER SPECIALNESS ALWAYS AS SHE GOES TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE...

Jazmine says "I'm 11 pound & 22 inches long today!"
That's 1 inch & 1 pound 10 ounces since Jan 4thl
Got my 3 shots OUCHIE and 1 liquid vaccine; I screamed till I was red
in the face held my breath too but the cries were short lived I'm ok
Dr Celotti said I am ahead of the game in motor skills I can do things
most do at ...4months! (Hold my head up and hold it up while wt bearing on
my arms!)
Socially on target with babbles & coos & smiles.
In 50%tile for ht & wt so perfect not gaining to fast or too slow!
Next visit in 2months

I can tell you I am so blessed with my daughter Jazmine. PRegnancy was a BREEZE until 31 weeks when I developed preeclampsia and was taken out of work and put on bedrest...ughh how I complained of the boredom only to struggle with the insomnia of having a newborn! LOL careful what we wish for ha ha ha..
I lost the 42# pregnancy wt which was mostly fluid in 7 days, blessed now how to fit in exercise and healthy living with this new bundle of joy...........I am working it one day at a time, it is possible to be helahty and have a baby after RNY even though I waited almost 7 yrs to do it...IF you want info or articles email me!

Wonderful, awful, amazing, boring, simple, complex, challenging, easy, suprising, routine, long, short...

Perception I find is everything. My journey can be characterized with any word or its opposite, depending on my lens or view at that moment in time.

Reflection for me has brought about some amazing discoveries...this journey has been so long yet so short...it has been challenging yet simple.

What I initially failed to see or consider on my journey was just that the destination was not about wt loss at all, it was not about a destination it was about progress, not perfection and a road i was choosing to walk along....Yes i have lost weight and maintained it for the most part...yes I have been successful in so much more than weight loss though...I have been peeling layers of myself to find my authentic self...so hidden by physical and mental layers of fat....

So many things have changed yet stayed the same. I am the same person yet I am not at all if you can understand that. When I thought I had arrived, I realized shortly after that was so far from the truth!

Year 1 postop I was the poster child, I did everything perfectly, I lost 100% OF MY EXCESS WT, FOLLOWED THE 'RULES' RIDGIDLY AND PREACHED THEM AS WELL!!! My identity became that of the WLS patient....I found so much but lost myself in this label...Years two I squeaked by cockily thinking this tool was grand and I would never go back EVER..I had after all lost almost half of myself in wt and that was gone forever..ohhh how short sighted that was....................

Year three the wall of emotional upheaval, so many stressors in my life leading me to discover the tool is flawed and I need to work my emotional side more and more everyday as the tool is a SMALL pieve in my recovery from emotional eating and eating issues. I was still in the midst of an exercise addiction what I switched food for....so the wt stayed off as a result of that obsessive and compulsive framework/life.

I did discover that personal growth work was IMPERATIVE..I worked on that the shame, past issues....after a year I felt better...but not whole. Shaying active online and in support facilitating groups and educational seminars etc was a huge part of my staying on track while watching so so so many others fall off and regain and struggle with old demons.

Fear was still tightly grasped inside of me and I was better but by no means cured! (I now know there is no such thing) but the perfectionist in me thought so..if I ONLY WATCHED THE SCALE ENOUGH OR COUNTED CALORIES OR CARBS OR EXERCISED SO MUCH ETC.  I ridgidly still thought of the rules of a WLS not seeing them as guidelines or recommendations...

Again at year 5 I found myself in need of more personal growth tuning up...I did invest in myself and found more of my inner child work necessary and helpful....Freeing the shame that binds me, workign on codependency issues, journaling, reading and being active in support were foundations of my success and journey. tools as strong if not stronger than my pouch.

Learning to let go of what I can not control and controling what I can (myself only)....helped so much.
I went through the body image phases of finding external beauty with the wt loss and then plastics..Discovering societies response to a thinner woman, some adolescent moments relieved with joy at the response followed by ANGER of the injustice of this, I am the same perosn damnit, well no I guess I am not. (darnit!)

It was in needing to be beautiful in others eyes that i could find my inner beauty and believe in my worth outside of the external skin and layers.

There was much professional growth along the way, challenges in my relationships that have made many stronger in so many ways. I had some selfishness much needed along the way to find my ability to love unconditionally myself and others, to give and learn to receive...

I have dealth now with allowing my persona of the wls person to fade, my authentic self to emerge, letting go of needing alll the time to be perfect, to please others and to know taking care of myself first is the goal and not selfish. I have found boundless self esteem and energy, I have yet to conquer the all or nothingness of exercise balance has still alluded me but we all need work to progress on huh!?

I have let go of the need for attentiona around my outward appearance enough to say despite spending thousands on plastics it was time to have a baby, my mommy body wasmore important than breast implants and a flat tummy from a Lower body lift. HUGE shifts for me. I have now become a mother, yet a new label I am mroe than a mom but a mom is so much a part of me. So much to learn and accept.

None of this possible unless I had taken the time to start this process and INVEST in myself. My surgeon is awesome, so is my plastic surgeon and clinical nutrition doctor. My support groups online an in person are also great supports but it began and will end with me, my chpoices, my decisions...

I have chosen to live, to explore, to fall down and get up again. This journey has been an adventure as I chose it to be...it is not without potholes many I am still challenged to get out of in a timely fashion. I can see them mostly even if I still fall in. Many I walk around and many I get out of quicker.

Just when you think you are at the end for me I reqalize it is the beginning.

Thank you for listening to my ponderings and musings. It is my personal reflection, your mileage may vary...again it is all about perception. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU HAVE ARRIVED CONSIDER THE OPPOSITE, IF YOU THINK YOU ARE FAILING PERHAPS IT IS A LESSON YOU ARE LEARNING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON I BELEIVE.

The scale ain;t that important, it is such a small measure of any success for me if they all blew up tomorrow I;d be fine, but ask yourself would you? How would you measure your progress, success and self worth?
 

You lost 36 (yes THIRTY SIX) pounds in 6 (SIX) DAYS! 

Went to OB yesterday for BP check and scale dropped significantly! I had noticed
return of some prepregnancy 'shape' but had wanted to stay off the scale x 2
weeks or so.

Much to my surprise I am only 11 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

BP still high 160/100 today no change in meds still on Labetalol 200mg 2x day
(it is a betablocker) they say may take 2 wk to be effective.

Jazmine had her first pediatric apt yesterday, she is well wants to see her
Friday for quick check that her bilirubin is still falling. He said she was
beautiful, healthy w/o concerns and a seemingly happy and easy going baby.
Gained a few ounces so breast feeding is working! Gene & I really liked doctor
who spent 45 min with us talked and explained and offered support on breast
feeding, sleep routine etc. He is easy going fairly young but in practice 8 year
or so. Sat down faced us asked questions and great bedside manner with our girl,
shook our hands at start and end and made us very at ease, cautious with Jazmine
enough to see her Fri to make sure all is ok due to her early arrival and all vs
waiting typical 2 weeks.


Well I have labs, ultra sound and OB apt today @ 2pm to see how placenta
accreta left inside looks.

Jazmine Rose Ellis born 11/24 Tues eve 2201pm
20 inches 7 pounds 14 1/4 ounces
She is perfect & beautiful full head hair too everyone remarks at it! :-)
http://www.saratogacare.org/index.cfm?contentID=290&fromMonth=11&fromDay=24&fromYear=2009&submit=GO

My update:

36 weeks & 1 day

Pregnancy was a smooth ride up until 31 weeks and 3 days. That was my FIRST trip to the hospital maternity ward for elevated BP, swelling and headaches. It was the day I found out 10/17 that I was officially diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and the course of treatment was bed rest. Wrapping my brain around  that word and all it entailed was not easy! I was taken out of work on medical leave (about 8 weeks prior than anticipated)…. CHALLENGING!  All the best laid plans could not prepare me for that statement…..No driving, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping etc….Learning to let go, accept and RELAX  was my treatment! Also allowing others to do all the things at home and work I was accustomed to….

So for 5 weeks on bed rest I am working on those goals. I have been back to the hospital several times since with BP issues, some for a few hrs others overnight frustrating  and scary  at times.  I made it past the crucial 34 weeks happily as it is now safer to deliver w/ baby girl’s lungs are mature.

 

The latest was my OB apt this week (Wednesday 11/18); had a non-stress test which is a 20 min test of fetal heart rate, activity then ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels. Baby is well and lively! My BP has been steady at 140/80 (none of those scary 170/100’s!). Decision to not induce this coming Tuesday 11/24 was made due to my cervix not being ripe at all and that would put me at increased risk of C-section if induced so plan is to induce the following Tuesday 12/1 at 37 weeks 6 days gestation. This has given me some more certainty in the process. Still excited and scared! But they will induce me at any time before then if BP rises again, if I get headaches, visual changes, right upper epigastric pain, nausea/vomiting, labs that indicate (blood/urine) an increase in pre-eclampsia or just do not feel ‘right’; or if on my next non-stress test this Friday (11/20) there is concern or at my next ultrasound/OB appointment (Wednesday 11/25) off to induction we go….

 

My bag is packed, we have bassinet set up in our bedroom with changing table and supplies/clothes. The car seat is in Gene’s truck all ready to go. So that is my update just here home on bed rest, relaxing and waiting! J

LESS THAN 2 weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update 35weeks and 2 days…

I decided to write one generic email to everyone as I am having trouble keeping up with personal replies to all of my dear friends!

 

My last OB appointment was Wednesday and went well. I had labs drawn and started another 24 hr urine for protein to see if my gestational hypertension is stable or progressing to pre-eclampsia. Fetal movement is good and she is very active! Her heart rate is also excellent…and she measures well also. Plan is continued medical mandated bed rest, monitoring my BP 2-3x day. My feet are somewhat swollen now & I was worried my wt was up 10# in 10 days but I think it is mostly fluid which MD agrees and is ‘common’ due to bed rest’…Hard though to see the scale creep up a pound a day especially when I am not eating any more if anything my appetite is down and ability to eat is down as she is pushing up so much I get full on ½ to ¾ of normal intake…

I am still not good at this bed rest challenge J but complying…I hope to get to 36-7 wk safely. My next apt is in 1 week next Wed 11/17 then 1 week later I have another ultrasound…Today I feel exhausted from not doing anythign1 mild headache watching my BP called OB office pending my labs from 2 days ago but found out the 24 hr urine was fine that was a relief so I am still not spilling protein or pre-eclamptic it seems…good news.

Feel free to email or call, don’t worry you won’t wake hubby he sleep soundly with earplugs in the daytime. He doesn’t hear visitors, the phone or TV thank goodness! My sister-in-law came down yesterday to help organize my clothes/nursery and that was a huge relief, she also kindly put the car seat base in hubby’s truck so we are ready when needed! Friends and family have been great with helping as hubby has been doing all the chores, dishes/laundry/cat litter boxes/cooking etc! O top of working 12 hr nights 4-5x most weeks now that it is QUAD’S BUSY SEASON AND THERE IS MANDATORY OVERTIME….

I am so happy I was able to attend my baby shower; so fortunate to have so many kind and generous friend and family as well and even those who couldn’t make it due to flu or other personal reasons great to have them there in spirit…I will keep updating…thanks for the support! HUGS JAMIE

Monday I HAD MY MUCH anticipated OB apt. MY bp was elevated again 165/98 for a few days w/ severe headache..so off to maternity ward I WENT AGAIN for fetal monitoring, labs, rest and such..BP came down over 5 hrs so off I went home again with another 24 hr urine for proteint o do to rule out preeclampsai so far no swelling no wt gain in fouid and baby is great her heartrate is awesome she is an active girl head down as she should be in my pelvis and ultrasound shows her lookign great although she was not the most cooperative one for a bit! weighing in qt 5 pounds 8 onces she si a good size in 85 percentile they will watch me close now for gestational diabetes too due to her higher wt but good so far....I finish the urine around noon and tomorrow call office for results and next step. BP good this am and no headache yeah or swelling....

Hello all........Seeing as I have been taken out of work for the duration and am on bedrest/recliner rest and the TV, laptop and books are my new found friends i thought I'd check in and state what is up.

Having had sever swelling, high PC and wt gain of 7 POUNDS IN A FEW DAYS UNRELATED TO INCREASED FOOD (ALL EDEMA) I was hospitalized over weeken. Monitored me and baby who is well thank goodness, BP has come down as has swelling and wt gained all lost (fluid) since Sunday on bedrest. Apt with OBGYN went well yesterday still awaiting 24 hr urine to see if I am spilling protein and if it is preeclampsia or just PIH (preg induced hypertension) anywho...bedrest is challenging but I am going with it for safety of self and baby!
We hoep this conservative treatment will get me and baby safely to 36 weeks or more so they can induce I wont be going to 40 wk as delivery is the cure for the issue.
Keep me in thoughts and prayers please as if I have to deliver prior to 34 wk then off the Albany Med I and baby go as they do not do that early deliveries in Saratoga as NICU will be necessary!