Jason S.

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Addictions are unique.  Diverse and comprehensive creatures they cover a broad spectrum of our lives.  I'm not talking, necessarily, about the things that will put you in jail i.e. drugs.  I'm talking about sugar, food, carbs, shopping, sex, and everything else that takes over our thought process and won't let us function until we "have it".  I have resigned myself to the fact that I am an addict.  My vice of choice is sugar and carbs.  Don't laugh...I'm serious.  I have been in bondage for a very long time and my masters are cookies, cake, candy, and everything else that turned me into a very unhealthy man.  Is there any way to get rid of addictions once and for all?  I don't know.  How many times has that friend that we all have quit smoking only to pick it up again when stressed?  How many times does the alcholic husband tell his wife he's done with the whiskey?  Don't we ALL inherently WANT to be "good" people?  Good people are free from additions, in control, and happy.  I can't say, at this point, that I am one of those.  I "look forward" to going to the gas station because they have drinks and candy, cookies, etc that I love.  I can't concentrate if I go somewhere where refreshements are UNTIL I get something.  My kids are driving me nuts (not thier fault) eating snacks after school while I sit in the corner and stare at the delicious looking "goodies" they are chomping down on.  I CRAVE, to put it very mildly, sweets after meals.  I do ok with meals, but afterwards I HAVE TO have a candy bar, a cookie, ice cream, or SOMETHING.  I get irratable, skaky, sometimes even sweaty...serious stuff.

Well, I didn't come this far to fail.  I decided yesterday that I had/have to STOP with the constant snacking.  I'm scared to death I'm gonna wake up one moring and realize that I'm 300+ pounds again.  So:

As of today...I am "bad" SNACK-FREE!  This morning I DID crave something sweet as soon as I awoke but I supressed it and had a good breakfast instead.  I got a craving around mid-morning so I had a small cup of sugar free pudding.  I then was fine until around 2pm when I had an appropriate lunch.  I now have had supper about 7pm and feel just fine.  I'm hoping and praying that I can make it through to midnight (when I get off of work).  I'm gonna try to go directly to bed, late nights are always a killer for me. 

The best part of it is:  I feel better today than I have in a long while.  I had been telling the wife that I feel groggy and weak alot and I think I've figured it out.  I had been subjecting myself to sugrar spikes and valleys and carb crashes!  No wonder I felt bad all of the time!  DUH?!  I read somewhere online that it takes about 3 weeks to "break free" from carb/sugar addiction so that will be my goal for now.  After that, who knows?  Hopefully forever. 

Thanks

Jason
320-299-202-200
highest-surgery-current-goal

I had my surgery in March of 2008.  At that time, I was determined to not be a slave to candy,cookies, and other crap that had turned me into a diabetic, hypertensive, sweaty, jiggly tub of goo to being with.  I did VERY well the first few months, but then my 1st birthday after surgery rolled around and I had a little bit of birthday cake and ice cream...hey it's my birthday and it's only once a year and all...so.  Well, I started to occasionally have a little bit of cake and ice cream.  Well, then here comes halloween and I had a few peices of my kids' halloween candy.  Hey it's only once a year and well...yeah, that too.  Well then comes Thanksgiving and Christmas and "Hey it's only once a year..." Same darn thing.  I'm now to the point where I'm back to eating indiscriminately.  Alot less, mind you, but still I find myself popping food in my mouth just for the heck of it.  Even when  I'm NOT hungry!  What's wrong with me?!  Well, I decided that after Christmas I was done with holiday eating.  Well, here's what sucks:  It NEVER ends.  NEVER.  There is always something (Valentine's Day) coming along to derail your plans.  You (me) have to realize that you can't be "good" just on the "everyday" days.  You have to control yourself on special occasions also, because there always seems to be a "reason" to overeat...hey, it's only one day out of the year can quickly turn into an everyday thing. 

My mother-in-law recently had a old friend of her's stay at her home for a few days.  During a visit, she (the friend) remarked at how much weight I had lost (she lives out of town and hadn't seen me PostOp), and was amazed when I told her that I was off ALL diabetes meds and had an average fasting blood glucose level of 85.  She, also being diabetic, told me she couldn't seem to get hers under 220 "to save her life".  She is probably 125-150lbs overweight and is also severely hypertensive.  Now, whenever I encounted a situation like this I get the biggest desire to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs "I KNOW THE ANSWER TO YOUR PROBLEM!!!"  BUT...I never do.  I don't go around trying to "sell" gastric bypass to anyone.  I will tell someone, if they ask, that's it's been great for me and I'd do it again, but that's about it.  I don't want to be responsible for someone having complications and having issues.  While I was sitting there, my mother-in-law was preparing supper.  I picked up a small peice of garlic bread and took a small bite.  I, right away, felt the old "you know you shouldn't have eaten bread" feeling that I always get with bread.  I must have had a bad look on my face because my MIL's friend looked at me and said, "I coulndn't EVER do what you've done though, I love to EAT when I eat"  She then turned to my MIL and said "Hey give me one of those meatballs...." Ok, you enjoy that meatball (which I can eat TOO, by the way...just not 10 of them!) and then enjoy your insulin chaser, followed by 5-6 different pills.  I didn't say this, of course, but I think it shows how some of us (my former self included) put such little value on our health.  Putting the VERY short tem enjoyement of food above our happiness, health, and eventually our lives. 

Well, the honeymoon is over.  I have settled in the 201-205 range and have been there for about 2 months now after a brief sint at 198.  I'm ok with this... I guess.  I started this journey with a goal in mind of 200lbs, and I made it.  And even if I stay in the 201-205 range long term, I'll be ok.  I will still tell myself that I'm succesful.  You know, now that I'm here, I kind of wish I could get and stay BELOW 200.  Call me selfish or petty, but it's amazing how much better 199 sounds than 200.  But, oh well..I'm alot better than I was.

I kind of feel like the ride is over.  I have had a BLAST this past year.  I look back now (almost) fondly at my time in the hospital, the first few days, the learning days, and especially the very rapid weight loss that followed.  Man what a ride!  I'm so happy that I found this tool, this site, and-most importantly-the courage to follow through with it. 

 

I love the Christmas season.  I look forward to it just about all year long and start planning next year's Christmas display probably sometime in the summer.  I coordinate my office Christmas Party every year, plan gatherings for family and friends, and -yes- look forward to my wife's fudge, my mother in law's pecan pie, and mom's delicious main dishes.  BUT, with that being said,I'm so incredibly glad it's over.  This year has been tough.  I felt, on several occasions, that I was stuffing my pouch to capacity just to sample a little bit of everything that was available.  The entire month of December greeted me with occasion after occasion to stuff myself with the same old foods turned me into a 320lb man to start with.  It was VERY difficult to not partake of the myriad of delicious treats that were pretty much placed under my nose at every turn.  I slipped.  No, I slipped and fell, better yet...I slipped, fell, busted my butt only to get back up and repeat the process...a few times.  I can feel it too.  I don't feel "well", as I have from almost day one after surgery.  I feel like I did before.  Out of control, unsure of my eating plan for the day ahead.  I am,however, slowly getting back on track.  Today, I slept in for the first time in several weeks.  The second job has really put a damper on my rest so I felt like I "caught up" this morning.  I had a "gastric bypass-ish" breakfast.  Not a handfultl of whatever's in the pantry, as I had been doing.  I sat down in our living room for the better part of the morning checking email and watching TV.  I sipped on coffee and watched my kids play with the plethora of new toys they recieved.  Life was good, life IS good.  It's alot better than January 1st  2008 was anyway.  So even as I sit here an wonder how in the world I GAINED two pounds over the past couple of weeks, I'm gonna NOT worry about it.  Partly because I'm sitting here in my size 34 pants and "L" shirt.  And partly becasue I know I can get back on track and remember that 320 pounds starts as a 2 pound gain.  I will make no resolution to "lose the weight" this year, because I already have.  I can't believe it but I've found something that works, something that I didn't fail at half way through only to gain all of the weight I had lost back.  Thank goodness for this magnificent miracle of medical science. 

Happy New Year! 

Jason

320-299-201-200
Highest-Surgery-Current-Goal

Seven and a half months and I'm at GOAL!  I can't belive that I'm even typing this, but it's TRUE!!!!  I got on the scale just today and it read 199.4!  I haven't been "1" anything in 20+ years.  Thank goodness for this surgery and for the doors that it has opened for me.  GOAL GOAL GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's Thanksgiving Eve and I sit here tonight and reflect on the past 8 1/2 months.  This will be my first Thanksgiving PostOp so I'm faced with a new set of challenges.  I've done really well overall over the past few months with family gatherings.  I've had birthday parties to attend, Easter, family reunions, etc...All with pretty good luck.  No overeating, no sickness, and no dumping.  This time of the year, however, is unchartered territory.  The wife and I have TWO Thanksgiving gatherings to attend!  Both promise to be huge events with a myriad of food and drink.  I always looked forward to these types of things PreOp.  I would eat and eat and eat until I felt physically ill and then pass out in a chair and sleep it off...nice huh?  Well, this year, I look at it differently.  It's not all about the food.  It's about time with family that I haven't seen in many months and a time to catch up.  It's amazing how much the mind can change with the body.  Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to turkey and espcially my Mother-in-Law's pecan pie (that she makes just for me BTW LOL), but a small serving of each and then family time.  I'll update later and see if my mindset holds when I actually get there. 

My last post said that I had lost down to 202lbs after a business trip.  Well, I was 202lbs...for about 1 day!  Whew!  I'm bouncing between 204-206, and have been for the past couple of weeks.  I'm not sure if I'll get to my goal of 200, or 199, either way, I'm happy where I am.  I've learned not to read too much into the scale.  I've been trying to add mucle to my arms and chest and hopefully that is the culprit behind the stalled weight loss.  If so, then that's A-OK with me. 

See ya'll later!

Jason

Well, after a week away from home on a trip for work (I hate the term "business trip"...sounds so fabricated and cheesy!), I came home to a pleasant suprise: 202lbs on the scale!  I didn't have access to the scale during the week, but I kind of felt that I'd lose a pound or two due to the very busy schedule, abundant healthy food choices, and physical activity.  Needless to say, I am pleased.  Only 2 pounds to go to my ultimate goal of 200lbs. 

My trip involved assisting in instruction on new employees within our agency.  I had only met 1 of the 14 enrolled in the class before we met on the first day of school.  On day 2 of the school, the instructor on that particular block of insturction decided that she'd go all "new age" and ask everyone to introduce themselves and tell the class something that would "suprise them about yourself". Well, when it came to me, I stood up and said..."Well, I used to weigh 320lbs".  You should have seen the eyes widen and the mouths drop.  I keep a couple of "before" photos in my briefcase just in case the subject comes up and I passed them around.  I answered what seemed like thousands of questions about the surgery, the results, etc which was nice.  I still (after 8 months) still never really get tired of telling everyone how well things have gone for me!  LOL 
Another things that's REALLY new to me is the situation with women.  I'll preface my remaks with the fact that I am VERY happily married and have been for over 12 years now.  I can't imagine life without her and don't really want to...BUT, with that being said...I can't get over the difference 118 pounds makes!  The day after I reported for the school, I had a young lady approach me and start talking to me.  I figured she was just being friendly, but shortly after we started talking she looked up at me (I'm 6'1", she was probablly 5'2" or less) and said "Boy, I'd climb you like a tree" followed by a few suggestive grunts.  I was shocked and flattered at the same time!  All I could come back with at the time was "huh?"  To which she replied "You heard me, you long tall glass of milk"  I almost fell out!  I've never been hit on in my life, N.E.V.E.R. 

Anyway, it's nice ot be noticed...I guess.  LOL 

Have a great day everybody!

Jason

320-299-202-200

Highest-Surgery-Current-Goal

Bouncing between 206 and 208lbs.  Still very few negative issues with food.  Trying really hard to get to my goal of 200lbs.  Whew, what a day.  We'll chat later.

Jason

It's been 7 months since surgery (plus 2 days)!  These past 7 months have flown by.  I can't believe how fortunate I've been, knocking on wood.  I have had very little in the way of problems from the surgery and the weight (after 25 years of being obese) has fallen off very rapidly.  This morning, I down to 207lbs, after a couple of weeks at 208.  I'm really hoping to get down to 200...or 199.  It would be nice to be "1" something for the first time in my adult life!  People are starting to tell me I'm getting "too thin", and that I need to "stop losing". 

I had my 6 month follow up last week with Dr. MacDonald.  I passed by him in the hall on the way to the exam room with the nurse and his eyes got wide and he said "My Gosh, you're sooo skinny!"  I believe it's the first time I've been called "skinny" in my whole life.  Later in the exam room, he told me that I was right on track and that I was doing great.  I went and had blood drawn and I haven't heard anything from it, so I'll assume that everything was ok with that. 

So, 113 down, 7 to go.  You know, I thought I'd "feel" different when I got here.  Don't get me wrong, I FEEL great, physcially.  I have much more energy, I can excercise, play with the kids, work around the house, and a myriad of other activities that used to really take alot out of me.  However, I still "feel" like an obese man.  It's hard for me to describe, but I'll try.  In the past, whever I would see someone in person, online, or otherwise that had lost a large amount of weight, I would find myself thinking that they must totally be a different person inside and out.  They way they act and talk; the way they must feel about things, they way they handle different situations, the way they interact with coworkers, and alot of other things that come up in thier daily lives.  Now that I am "in the same boat" I find that I am the very same person that I've always been.  I've heard alot of people say that even though they've lost the weight they still are the same person with the same feelings and-interestingly-problems that they had before.  I guess losing the weight isn't an instant cure for self esteem issues and life in general. 

Now, before everyone who reads this tells me that I'm loved and not to be sad or depressed...please know that I'm VERY happy with who I am now.  I've accomplished something that I've tried for over 20 years to complete.  I just need some time-I guess- to let my brain catch up with my body.  It's strange how this works! 

Best of luck to everybody in the process!

Jason

320-299-207-200
Highest-Surgery-Current-Goal