Jan B.

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Today marks two months out from surgery - yay!!!  I am able to eat most anything I want to within the guidelines.  I have sworn off anything with more than 4g of sugar in a serving.  I haven't had any dumping epidodes, which I hope I can attribute to being so careful about the sugar content.  I am getting about 60-65g of protein a day and remember my vitamins and calcium *most* days.  I have lost 38-40 pounds, depending on which day it is, which is about 40% of my excess body weight.  I have lost 2 sizes in pants and 2 sizes in most shirts.  I have the beginnings of batwings and thighwings (do they have a name?? LOL!).  I already had a pretty saggy panni and it's a little saggier.  Boobs are way smaller but not much saggier yet.  I am walking a mile about 4 days out of 7 (need to increase that).  Knees don't hurt and climbing a flight of stairs isn't torture anymore.  My husband says I "walk" now instead of "waddle", which I took as a huge compliment!!   Last Sunday afternoon, we went geocaching - a hobby we "used" to enjoy until I got to where I couldn't go anymore.  I *think* I am to the point where I can say I am glad I had the surgery!!!!  Thank you to everyone who has sent me encouragement or answered my newbie questions or offered me experienced advice along the way!!!!  Excited to see what the future holds!!!

I've never really been sure which is worse - being invisible or being the FAT girl in the room!  You know, the FAT girl who has to laugh loudest at the FAT jokes just to show she gets it and it doesn't hurt (because everybody knows FAT people are jolly!!!)   The FAT girl who has to s-q-u-e-e-z-e  around everybody at the table in the break room at work (and you can tell they are exasperated with you when they have to scoot their chair up to let you by.)  The FAT girl shopping for clothes (and the only fabric they use to make FAT people clothes looks like it came off your grandmother's couch.)  CAN YOU TELL I AM SO READY NOT TO BE THE FREAKIN' FAT GIRL ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

I am trying so hard to keep my determination up and strong.  I look forward to the surgery, but I dread with everything in me these 2 pre-op weeks of protein drinks and water.  I am sure it will be a test of ALL the willpower I can dredge up.  Let's face it - if I was good in the willpower department, I would be looking at life-changing surgery. LOL!!

Well, last April, I was all excited and ready to go to surgery!  Had everything done except the cardiac work-up and the breathing tests.  Saw Dr. Facundus and arranged the tests, got a surgery date in May.......then completely chickened out and canceled everything.  Of course, all I have done since then is eat, gain more weight and slow down further and further.  John says he sees me slowing down and he is afraid that it won't be long before I become a "full couch potato".  I really don't want to live that kind of life - we have always enjoyed doing things outdoors - hiking, building projects, yard projects, etc.  I don't want to give up those things, but if I don't do something, that is what I face.  Back here now to gain an new perspective and see if I can decide what to do.

OK, no more flip-flopping!!  I have made up my mind, I am at peace with it, God will see me thru it and be with me every step of the way.  I have a great support team (my 3 J's) who have promised to help me and hold me accountable.  I am so excited I could just BURST OUT IN SONG!!  "Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day, I've got a beautiful feeling, SKINNY is coming my way!!"

Saw the bariatric co-ordinator yesterday.  Her name is Tonia and she was very pleasant and helpful.  I had the Metabolic Cart test done to check how many calories I burn at rest. 

I have an appointment with Hunter the NUT tomorrow - full body measurements and serious discussion about the pre-op and post-op nutrition regimen.  I'm really hoping that he is full of information about specific foods - I don't know enough about sugars and sugar alcohols and protein and vitamins - so maybe he will edjumicate me!!

Appointment then on April 30 with Dr. Facundus - "so far awayyyyy", she wails!!   I still have to get the GXT and the PFT's and ABG's done.  I am going to call Tonia today and see if I can set those up for myself.  I would like to have everything done when I see the surgeon - that way, he can see all the results at one appt (save all the $$$ I can), and maybe give me a surgery date!!

So things are underway - now just pull all the loose ends together in a big bow!!

Sad to say, I am having so much trouble making a decision about this.  I wonder if my indecision is an "un-peace" about what God's plan would be.  That can't be true, because I know God's plan would be for me to be healthy, active and happy and currently I am not any of those things.  And since He made me, He knows I do not have the willpower to stay on WW or NS forever.  So this is the next best tool available to me.  I think I need to just bite the bullet and move forward and trust that I am doing the right thing.  Anyway, the next thing to do would be to make an appt with Dr. Facundus's bariatric co-ordinator.  So I think I'll do that right now!!  Before I chicken out - LOL!!!   Aaaaarrrggghhhhh!!!!

Went to Dr. Facundus's informational meeting tonight, liked him very much.  Very warm and personable, seems very caring about the overall success of his patients.  He wants the surgery to be successful and the weight loss to be successful.  He requires a GXT for card clearance and PFT's, colonoscopy & mammogram + labs.  I have had both the mammogram and colonoscopy within the last year so they are good.  Dr. Brown will do labs, so that is taken care of.  Maybe he'll waive the PFT's since I have never smoked.  We'll see.  So, appt with family doctor on Thursday:  see what his general thoughts about GB are, and if he can finagle a way to get some of my pre-ops, like the GXT, covered by insurance.
 
I did ask him about medications:  I will need to be able to crush or get them in liquid form.  Dr. Green and I discussed that last fall, and I don't think I can get the imipramine in liquid and the coating on them may not crush.  Hmmm....  call the pharmacist.

Financial things are underway - shouldn't be a problem.  Found out today that if I choose Mailapur, the cost will be 21,500 - 6,500 for him and 15,000 for the hospital.  Will call Facundus's finance person and Crestwood's finance person tomorrow to see what the self-pay charges are.

So now I have met the 2 surgeons in consideration - hmmm.....  How to decide????

Jenny, et al. continue to pray for me - to make a smart decision and to have peace about that decision.

Looking forward to seeing what Dr. Brown says on Thursday - more after that.

After lots, lots, LOTS of prayer, soul-searching, crying, talking, dreaming & thinking about WLS, I am ready to start down the road.  My husband has been supportive as I read and researched to get to this point.  So, today, we sat down to talk.  I told him that I had to get off center - I had to "do, or do not" (as Yoda said!) - because I am making myself sick waffling back and forth between yes and no.  After a long talk, we decided YES!!    We talked about my reasons for surgery - mostly that we have always enjoyed hiking, geocaching, camping, working in the yard, doing household repair and building projects and traveling, and at this point, I cannot hold out to do ANY of that!!  I can't deny that it would be wonderful to buy SMALLER, CUTER clothes - but that is NOT my primary reason for wanting the surgery.

Unfortunately, what research I have done leads me to believe that my insurance will not cover the surgery, even after I wait their required 6 month waiting period.  Even tho my BMI is 38, I do not have any "diagnosed" co-morbidities, except slight hypertension (I do take a low-dose med for that.)  I do have acid reflux, back pain, shortness of breath and wheezing, and extremely reduced stamina.  None of those are considered life-threatening, but they are definitely quality-of-life-threatening.  So, it's financing for us, which is OK, because we've been "financers" for things we've wanted all our married life.  Also, now that I have my mind set, I really want to press ahead - I do not want to have to wait 6 months!!

I have gone back and read my daughter-in-love's blogs from her pre-op time, and she is so eloquent. (username: JenBloodworth)  When she talks about wanting to be sure she is in God's will by having surgery, she is speaking my heart.  She is almost 2 years successfully post-op with no complications and SHE LOOKS AND FEELS FREAKIN' FANTASTIC!!!  I can only hope that God honors my good intentions as he has hers.

I have to admit that I am very scared - of complications and then also of regretting it after the surgery.  I won't deny I love to eat (duh!  who'd a thunk??), and I think I will miss it to some degree.  But I hope as the weight drops away and I can walk and do things - anything - again, the compromises will seem more like old friends.

So, a battle plan:  Dr. Facundus's informational meeting Tuesday night, appt with family doctor next week, possible cardiac work-up due to age (52), and possible appt with plastic surgeon (to get an idea of how much flab I will be left with post-op).  Husband will take care of money issue, bless him.  Then a decision between 2 surgeons, a full appt with the doctor of choice and setting a surgery date!!

For any reader who has happened upon this note: please lift me up in prayer and send me good thoughts!!  This is definitely a giant step of faith for me, and I would covet any good wishes you could send my way!!

More to come as the preparatory steps are ticked off!!!