jane_w
My story is so similar to so many others on this site. I have never been slim, I have never been "average." As a child at school I was always the biggest in the class although I have to say that I truly don't remember any negative experiences as a result.
I was lucky enough to grow up in a small village, everyone knew me from being a baby and I think that's maybe why I didn't have any problems. Nobody really came and went it was a small knit friendly place, our school was in the village and my weight was never an issue. I never remember being called names or picked on for being bigger, my heart goes out to people who have experienced that. I was also lucky in that although I was heavy I was also quite athletic, I was on all the school sports teams and never felt out of place although I do feel a lot of my success was mind over matter, sure I may look as though I can't run but watch this. Don't pity me or treat me differently see I'm just like you.
So far so good eh? Except that, although I was never given any negative feedback from anyone about my size I was still very aware that I was the largest child I knew. I remember being about 8 years old and sitting in class next to the tiniest girl in our year, we're talking tiny weeny she was like a little mouse. I recall looking at my huge great hands on the desk next to her little tiny ones and feeling like an elephant. I still remember her, she was such a sweet girl, older than me but everyone babied her she got away with murder and I really envied that. So even though I never suffered bullying or jibes as a child I still grew up feeling different as though I didn't really belong and as a result I felt like I had to try harder and be better at everything in order to justify myself. OK, I may be fat but.....I'm smart, I'm athletic, I win prizes, you get the picture.
None of this was helped by the fact that my only sibling, my sister is a stick insect, in fact as a child she looked like a stick insect on a diet. We're talking thin. To this day we have to tell people we are sisters and I just love the reaction. The wide eyes, the "wow, you would never guess," I always crack my standard joke, "yeah, I got the looks." But, you know what it's getting old now. I'm tired of having to overachieve all the time just to prove to everyone else what I already know, that I'm not stupid or greedy or lazy just because I'm fat. I'm just the same as them but my body works differently and I'm going to have surgery to level the playing field a bit.
So, that finds me here. Never really had major trouble socially or physically because of my weight but given the choice would I rather have been slim all my life? Of course I would it's a no brainer. At the age of 35 I finally threw up my hands after trying every single diet out there, and I do mean EVERY diet (I went to my first weight watchers meeting at the age of 7.) I knew I wasn't stupid and after being on a more or less constant diet for 30 years I knew I didn't lack willpower but somehow I couldn't manage to lose weight and keep it off. Maybe the DS will be the answer for me?
