4 years and 2 months

Sep 23, 2012

Well...It's hard to believe, but it's true.  I'm over the 4 year mark and I've managed to keep the wieght off (minus 5 pounds - which I fluctuate).  I think I need to take a moment and be happy about this accomplishment.  Seems like I've been fussing about the "last ten pounds" for a year or two now.  Thinking my body is just happy where it is.  Took me having to dig up this blog and look at how far I've really come.  And...smile for a moment.

So, Let's see...4 years.  Body is feeling good.  Hair is still an issue.  Decided to dye it, and well,..it looks the same, but more glossy and less grey..ha!  Am taking a multi vitamin specificially for hair.  Just started about 3 weeks ago.  Also started back up on the sublingual B-12 vitamins.  I think it's making a difference in energy...won't know about the hair for a few months, I'm assuming.  Pity that my hair never rebounded.  It's long, but very thin.  :(

Body has recovered from the plastic surgery as well...except the scars on my arms are still pretty unslightly.  Getting used to it though.  The tummy tuck looks great and I don't regret that at all.  I like being able to wear a bikini and not give a crap....  stretch marks and all...it's still flat.

I'm back to seeing Ethan again... don't know if I ever really stopped.  He seems to like my body...from the thick to the thin....so I guess I shouldn't be bitching about that either...hahahhaha.

My 40th b-day is coming up.  Going on a cruise with my best friend in December.  I decided that I would really like to lose 10 pounds before that event....but it seems even at my lightest, I was only 133 pounds.  Thus, in actuality, i only need to drop like 8 pounds.  It seems that it is just as hard to loose a few pounds as it used to be before the surgery.  Sucks really.  I am really going to try to make a concerted effort.  I'd really be happy with 5 pounds.  Seems easy enough, but like I said, losing is a real challenge these days....for the past year, actually. 

Got to say, I am sooooo happy I got this surgery.... I'm coming into the 5 year mark...and I know I'm going to be my ideal weight for many years to come...hopefully til I die.  I feel much more comfortable with my body.  I still have some body issues that I recognize, however, being able to read back from this blog and viewing my weightloss journey though a graph,...well, it certainly tells a story that I need to reflect on and continue to move forward and grow.   
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3 year and 1 month

Aug 25, 2011

Well, I did it, plastic surgery.  Got it in April.  Took me until last month to feel like myself.  Total damage was close to 12 grand.  but, it's done.  and my belly looks great.  I'm about 138 - 140 now.  I dropped down to 125 for a while.  Stayed there for a few months actually, but i seem to like the high 130's.  Trying to lose some pounds and gain some muscles.  I bought the girls push scooter for sasha's birthday in May, and I have been using them now for a few months, i can definitely see a difference in my rear end. I'm still in a size 6 but the butt area is much more filled out.  I figure as long as I stay at my current size, I should be ok.  But it is much more difficult that I thought it would be.  I am happy that I am still slender, but I know it's not going to maintain itself without my help.  Seriously.  I'm going to have to work at it. 

As far as the hair goes, noticed it has started to fall out a bit again.  I have up'ed my protein recently, and wonder if it's because of the increase.  I just don't know.  But, it looks fine.  Never came back to the nice pure full head of hair I once had.  Funny how that works. 

In October, i will have been divorced a year.  Wow, how time flies.  Things are going ok with the ex.  he has a new girlfriend, who weighs about  270, i'm guessing.  Big girl.  Think my ex liked them that way and that's kind of why it all went down hill when I lost the weight.  He didn't feel comfortable that Iooked as good as I did. 

But, let's be honest here.  I love that I can look at something off the rack and know that it's going to look good on me.  I have a flat belly, I'm curvy in all the right places, I am at a healthy weight.  I look and feel great.  All worth it.  All worth it. 
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2.5 Years and still going strong

Nov 29, 2010

I got down to 125..but I attribute that to a divorce :).  Yep, finally did it in October.  It was rough.  I liked being at 125 actually.  I'm back up to about 133 - 135.  I eat just anything I want, but it still in small quantities and I try to be good about it as I do like the way I look now.  I'm still in a size 6.  Good thing cuz I haven't had to buy clothes.  My hair never recovered fully.  It's still kind of thin...aleast the ends are. I should just cut it off and start again, but I really don't want to so I just deal with it as I've been for the past two years now?! Geez has it been that long!
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2 year has come and gone and so has my marriage

Aug 09, 2010

Well, it's now official.  I filed for divorce.  I couldn't deal with the bs anymore.  I feel so much better about myself these days and I could not continue with being made to feel like crap for the rest of my life.  Thus, it is done and boy has it been ugly.  I've been doing good though as far as my health is concerned.  Making a concerted effort to eat my three meals a day.  Portion control.  I've started exercising again at my new apt complex as it has a free on-site gym.  I'm trying to make sure my girls are getting exercise and eating well as well when they are with me to pass along the importance of taking care of yourself.  Aside from feeling bombarded by hate from my soon to be ex, everytime I enter my old home, I'm doing ok.  I'm just trying to get through it.  I don't have a scale anymore...but I think I'm about 135 and I'm firming up quite quickly.  I've started taking a hair/nail vitamin supplement as well to see if that helps.  My hair is still thin, but no body notices it but me, it seems.  I found out I'm 20 percent fat, which is considered normal, but I'd like to reduce that a little bit and get my muscles nice and firm.  My friend Rob is entering a fitness challenge this weekend at the convention center.  I think it's great.  He looks fabulous.  I would like to get into that type of shape!  I am going to try to do my best to just stay fit and healthy.  :)  I will be the better for it. 
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Almost 24 months - 2 year anniversary

Jun 14, 2010

So I'm a month shy..but's what's a month :)  I am 138.  Body seems to be happy between 135 and 140.  I have to be careful what I'm eatting as I can gain weight quite easily these days.  Portion control is important for sure as I feel like I'm back to eating normally...and can over eat, even with my tiny tummy.

My hair has not fuly come back the way I thought it would.  I'm thinking I need to start taking some prenatal vitamins or something and see if that helps. 

Gotten used to the whole new me.  Can't even imagine every going back to 225.  Gosh, that wieght seems sooo heavy now.  I have a lot more energy than I used to.  I am a house cleaning fool these days. 

Hormones have stablized with the help of Birth control.  I thought I was going to go out of my mind a few months ago.  I have had much success with the patch.  No UTI's thank god!  I have had two respetory infections though which I will have to monitor. 

I'm a size 6 mostly.  4 on some items. 8 on others.  Depends on manufacturer.  I enjoy shopping on ebay still.  Can't kill the habit. 

Working on returning to the marriage and my home.  My marital woes are still presesnt, but I'm learning to just deal with them for the sake of my kids.  Not willing to give them up or have a nasty ass battle to keep them.  So, I'm just going to suck it up and see what happens. 

This has been a process/journey for me indeed.  It's hard to believe it's been two years since I set out on this path.  I'm definately healthier, and in many respects happier.  All my layers have been exposed and have caused me to have to look at the world a little differently. 
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20? months out and going strong...well sort of

Mar 15, 2010

It's been almost 22 months since the surgery.  It all seems like such a long time ago.  I still can only eat small quantities at a sitting.  Somehow I thought I would be back to "normal" by this time..but nope..stomache is still small.  :)  I'm weighing anywhere from 132 to 135 on most days, depending on water intake and fluid retention.  I'm not really trying to lose weight anymore...just maintain, which is much easier than I ever remember on any other diet plan.  :)  I still suffer from gas and heartburn, which sucks.  I carry Pepsid AC in my purse and at work for those times when it's really bad.  My hair is still thin and not very lively, but I'm managing.   Refused to cut it off completely and left it long.  A straighting iron makes it look nice, so I'm using one of those regularly.  I'm not sheading as much as I used to but it's still not back to beautiful hair.  My nails have recovered nicely though. 

Was considering plastic surgery, but haven't taken that leap yet.  I moved out on my own in January so finances are tight.  my marriage of 17 years is kinda in suckage right now.  Not sure where that's going to lead, but I didn't want to keep having the same arguement anymore.  Hubby became very distrustful and suspious of everything.  My appearance has certainly changed and I did not expect that it would cause as much turmoil as it has.  I started noticing men turn their heads more, and so did he.  I actually find I have less interest in that sort of attention than I did when I was heavier.  Ha!  Also noticed that even though I am now "seperated" from my husband, I haven't been asked out once!  When I was heavier and fully committed, I swear, I had an offer for a date dozens of times.  It's the weirdest thing.  

I've decided I'm not really looking for anyone or anything at the moment.  Just want to figure out who I am again.  Under all those layers of fat, I've obviously been hiding.  I am exposed and in the world...front and center.  It's all good, just an adjustment.  

Speaking of adjustments...periods on like freaking clock work these days...OMG!  Never been so damn regular in my life.  Also...PMS is full force these days as well.  I mean in a harsh way.  I get all moody and depressed, crazy and angry.  It's horrible.  I finally had to go to the doctor and see if I could get myself some meds.  She decide I should try birthcontrol to see if that would stablize the moods.  I started the birthcontrol patch like a week ago.  I haven't taken birthcontrol in 15 years.  I'm kinda hesitant, but the mood swings were becoming pretty bad.  I guess the more fat you have, the more hormones get stored in your body or some crap like that.  Now that there is less fat, it's floating all around and causing havoc :)  

Anyhoo, that's the update.  We will see what happen for my two year follow up.  Got that scheduled in July.  Got to get my bloodwork checked out and see where I'm at.  Hopefully I'm all good :)

 
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A new year and 135.

Jan 08, 2010

It's a new year.  I made it to my 18th month after surgery with much success.  I never though I could look so good and feel so good about myself.  I mean my stomache looks like a deflated balloon still, but it fits nicely under my clothes so I still feel very confident when I wear my tight jeans and a fitted shirt.  I'm at 135 and teeter there.  I've dropped to 134 and gone up to 137 but it's around the 135 mark more so than not.  My hair is finally beginning to fill out as well.  I decided to keep and start straighting it and it looks great.  I'm finally confident enough to just wear it down and style it.  even though it's WAY thin at the ends, it looks great when it's styled and straight. 

Now that I'm thinner, I've notice a lot of "other issues" surface...my marriage, my self image, my affect on others.... I started counseling about 6 months ago to work on some marriage issue, but have continued to go to therapy on a weekly basis for more than just my marriage issues.  I think the weight problem was a mask for many issues I had that I never dealt with...now that the weight is gone, so is my ability to hide behind the fat.  A rediscovery of myself is taking place and it's a strange sensation.  It's almost like a mid life crisis of sorts.  I'm not sure what to think,... so I'm just going to continue to work through it.  it's been tough though. 

The image of me being fat is beginning to fade with every month that passes.  I look at old picture and it's hard to look at cuz I looked so unhealthy.  I didn't know how fat I really was.  I thought I was always attractive, but not as fat as I appeared to be... boy was I blind.  It's cool though, I'm grateful for the experience I think.  A shift to be a better person is always the right move. 

Well, it's a new year and a new chance at life.  I'm going to take it and roll with it. 
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Weight fluctuates...but I'm still good

Nov 23, 2009

Started jogging recently.  Not all the time, just a couple days a week.  Weight went up to 143 and then dropped back down in the past few weeks.  Crazy.  I'm now 136.  I think it's because of dehydration, but my clothes fix looser now, so it's probably accurate.  I'm wearing a size 4 skirt, size 6 pants.  Size small in most shirts and t-shirts.  It's amazing.  My hair has not grown back.  But oh well.  Still wearing the pony tail and feeling ok with it. 
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Past goal...138.8

Aug 26, 2009

My god has this been a wild day.  I have been going through all sorts of issues.  Mostly self inflicted crisis.  but, on the positive side, I stepped on the scale and I am 138.8.  Never expected to be this small.  I was this tiny when I was 19 and trying to join the service.  I wore a sz 9 levi.  I put on a size 6 at the gap the other day!  Absolutely amazing.  Just sucks that my personal life isn't looking as good as my exterior. 

Strenght training is now a must.  I have lost a lot of mass on my legs because i don't walk very much at all.  I also am not drinking enough water.  BAD BAD BAD. 

Also got this job oportunity with my old employer, but would have to move to DC.  Don't think I can do it considering my emotional status.  Got to seek some counseling for sure.  I'm going flippen insane! 
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Going to get plastic surgery and stalled at 142.

Aug 11, 2009

Well, I've pretty much decided on getting my tummy tuck and boobs done.  Not convinced on the boobs, would rather do arms, but I might have all three done.  In a perfect world, i would also get my thighs done. :)

Anyhoo, my wieght is still fluctuation a bit.  I'm around 142.  I still want to get 140.  My hair is a lost cause decided to put some weave in, and it looks great, but will have to pay to upkeep for sure. 

Heading to SD this weekend.  Everyone from hubby's family is going to see me for the first time in many years.  I'm sure they will just stare and wonder WTF?! :)  It's ok though.  I think I look great. 

Lot's of shit going on, and never enough time to do it.  Water intake has become important to me again.  Trying to make sure to drink when I can.  :)
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