A new year and 135.

Jan 08, 2010

It's a new year.  I made it to my 18th month after surgery with much success.  I never though I could look so good and feel so good about myself.  I mean my stomache looks like a deflated balloon still, but it fits nicely under my clothes so I still feel very confident when I wear my tight jeans and a fitted shirt.  I'm at 135 and teeter there.  I've dropped to 134 and gone up to 137 but it's around the 135 mark more so than not.  My hair is finally beginning to fill out as well.  I decided to keep and start straighting it and it looks great.  I'm finally confident enough to just wear it down and style it.  even though it's WAY thin at the ends, it looks great when it's styled and straight. 

Now that I'm thinner, I've notice a lot of "other issues" surface...my marriage, my self image, my affect on others.... I started counseling about 6 months ago to work on some marriage issue, but have continued to go to therapy on a weekly basis for more than just my marriage issues.  I think the weight problem was a mask for many issues I had that I never dealt with...now that the weight is gone, so is my ability to hide behind the fat.  A rediscovery of myself is taking place and it's a strange sensation.  It's almost like a mid life crisis of sorts.  I'm not sure what to think,... so I'm just going to continue to work through it.  it's been tough though. 

The image of me being fat is beginning to fade with every month that passes.  I look at old picture and it's hard to look at cuz I looked so unhealthy.  I didn't know how fat I really was.  I thought I was always attractive, but not as fat as I appeared to be... boy was I blind.  It's cool though, I'm grateful for the experience I think.  A shift to be a better person is always the right move. 

Well, it's a new year and a new chance at life.  I'm going to take it and roll with it.