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My DH was laid off, found work, married off a kid, I was laid off, we filed bankruptcy, I helped my mom through breast cancer, regained employment, and now fighting breast cancer myself. Yes, it's been a crazy road since I last posted anything here. All in all, not doing to bad. Mom hit her 3 yr survival mark this month. I have gone thru mastectomy and the beginning of reconstruction. May or may not require chemo, don't know yet. Thru it all, I have maintained my weight. I was actually worried I would lose too much if I have to do chemo. I put on about 5 pounds while home for 6 weeks. I expect that to fall back off now I'm back to work. Another two surgeries targeted for April/May. If no chemo. Fingers crossed for that. Marrying another kid off next March and hoping I won't still be trying to grow hair back. Or finishing up re-creating my boobs.

I have been away! Not physically . . . mentally? No, just cyberly. I have been job hunting, going to school, and helping my husband with some side jobs to try and recover money to replace our motorcycle. We lost a lot in that bankruptcy. We still have our house, but only thru November unless I can find part time work by then. I only need to earn about $1000 a month. No one seems willing to BELIEVE that and take a chance on hiring me . . . my age, my previous income, whatever. I just keep hitting a brick wall. I know I can do the jobs I apply for. They are just afraid I am over qualified or will become bored with the job or disatissfied with the income. I would NOT be disatissfied with the means to keep my home. I just need a chance to prove it!

So, other than that, I am maintaining at 130 #, not where I want to be but better than the 220# that I was! Part of it, I think, is the birth control pills I am on, going on a year now, for my iron control. This will be my last three months. My obgyn inferred I am close to menopause anyway, so things should be tapering off. If the pharmacy had not ignored my order not to autofill the prescription, I'd be off of them already but since they did, I'm not throwing away pills I was forced to pay for.
Being home has also been a problem. While working, my foods were actually better controlled as I would take with me a meal or protein drink, then have dinner and no 'foraging'. I now have full access to the supply, so I tend to graze on 'crap'. I am taking a nutrition class right now, and hopefully can get myself back on track.

You would also think that being home would get me out and moving, but no. I am on the computer all afternoon (school and job search), catching up with programs on DVR in the morning while having my coffee and very late breakfast. It seems I rarely leave the house (being short vehicles right now doesn't help). I cross my fingers every day for a call, an interview, even another shot at taking a TEST for a job. Sure things never pan out, and I am giving up hope.

Earlier this year my mother went through a double mastectomy after being diagnosed stage 3 breast cancer. She couldn't get definite verification of cancer in the second breast due to there not being a large enough MRI machine to fit her in without her claustrophobia kicking in, so she opted for a double. I have spent a few weeks just hanging out with her while she went through chemo. She is now going through radiation but I have been unable to get up there to help her with that. During my visits and phone calls with her, I have tried to encourage her to re-consider bypass. She's already been qualified, medically. I keep telling her, her insurance is going to pay for breast reconstructions anyway, why not go for it?  All she'd have to pay for would be the LBL and any other plastics she desired. I have to pay for it ALL. She doesn't think 'a 70 yr old lady is worth the trouble'. I tell her she's worth it! She's our mom, of COURSE she's worth it!

Well, I need to get back to my studying. I need to find an Entrepreneuer to interview, by this weekend! I hate small towns - I still don't know anyone well enough, outside of my former job (from which I cut ALL ties), to call on people for interviews. This is gonna be a tuff assignment to complete.

 Well, so much for the interview last month. It is now one month later, Christmas is coming, and we are a little closer to no longer paying the mortgage. There are just no jobs out there. Even Target said they had nothing for me! It'll be a very slim holiday, but fortunately our kids are all grown, and they understand what's going on. And hey, at least I'm going to school!. I am enrolled full time for next semester, working around the possibility of finding work. I am taking a pilates/aerobics class as one of my units. It's being taught by a lady I used to work out with when she ran Slender Lady 10 years ago. If she even remembers me, she will not recognize me. Anyway, I am looking forward to that, to help kick my butt in gear! I can't say I am looking forward to the other 11 units though . . .  scarey! 
My son surprised me by driving down with his family for Thanksgiving. Got to see my grandson for the third time. He's almost 2 1/2, and very much in the terrible twos stage, and WELL SPOILED by his parents. His heart condition, though considered cleared, is having long-term ill-effects. Hopefully, that changes soon. ; )
I am doing ok, healthwise. Still at 130#, Dr's goal. Suffering a kidney infection right now, along with return of menses after 6 months of seasonal birth control for the low-iron anemia. I see the hematologist this week; will see if I am maintaining my iron, or dropping again since the infusion. Do I still need the colonoscopy? Hopefully not. Maybe being off the control for a few months will show the loss was there the whole time, and he'll put me back on them. I kind of enjoyed having no cycle but every 3 months. TMI here, but ever since I stopped the iron tabs and the initial iron infusion left my immediate system, my bowels have been more like an aerated waterfall! Not sure what's going on with that. Haven't been back to the surgeon's office since being referred to the hematologist. Lost my insurance right after the infusion, so I had to put everything off. Just got coverage again, but I'm too busy this month to make it in. Soon as I can get in, I'll ask about the weird plumbing activity. 
And, DAMN, do I need a job to help pay for some boobs!!! I am TIRED of my tube socks! I also really just noticed my saggy ass. How ugly is THAT!
Well, laptop typing is very uncomfortable on my abdomen right now, so this is it for this post. Fingers crossed for better news next time.

Been out of work for two months. Not seeing much out there that I am qualified to do, other than stuff that just can't beat unemployment income. Right now, we NEED the unemployment amount, not for me to be 'off the gov't dime'. I paid into it, so I deserve it, but some people make me feel guilty for taking it. We must pay the mortgage, you know? Everything out there is part time, temporary (seasonal), $8/hr, or WAY out of my league. I have my first interview tomorrow and am a nervous wreck about it. I have never had a forml interview. All my past jobs were acquired with minimal interview. Basically, made sure I could write, add, etc. Or started as a temp, then stayed. This one tomorrow is being done by an interview team, brought in to process probably close to 300 people (I'm guessing that many got the invite out of the 450 that were skill tested).
Anyway, it seems like I have been busy the last two months. Studying more than I could when I was working. I ought to ACE this semester. ; ) Helped my DH with a side job; cleaned house top to bottom for our annual Halloween bash; now I get to host Thanksgiving again so I have begun prepping for that. Attempting to make some baby clothes for a shower this weekend. All in addition to searching the internet for job leads.
So, why can't I motivate to do something for myself? For my body? DH HATES my lost breasts, as well as the no more tushy. I admit, I hate the losses too, but what can I do about them? With no job, there's no hope of saving up for PS . . . We filed bankruptcy on our credit debt, losing two cars and our bike in the process, and don't even know if we'll still have a home in a few months. It's so depressing. I just don't want to think about it all, but I must! 
My friends convinced me to go to the Renaissance Faire last month. I had a good time, but couldn't let loose! Every picture we took, I have my hands folded over my stomach. Why? 3 out of 5 of us have had RNY, and the other 2 still have a chest. DH was bothered by that - why do they, and not I?? Then at Halloween, they all showed up as pirates, VERY cleavaged, just to press the point home. No pun intended. So that didn't help in the depression area. I don't want to get any more down!
I WANT to be healthy & fit, and at goal. I'm AT goal, but have not reached my under-goal bounce back area. I'm having a hard time affording my vitamins, but I am getting them in still. I'm doing much better since my iron infusion, but still need my colonoscopy. Still need to find a new primary doc. Lots of stuff went by the wayside when I lost my job and insurance. I have the Wii, but just can't seem to get back to the exercise. When I do, I scroll thru all the exercises and don't want to do most of them. I'm afraid of hurting my ankle again, or having my shoulder bursitis flare back up. I can't afford to be on an injured list while job hunting and, hopefully, interviewing.
I do know I need to stop eating candy. Don't know why I have allowed myself to do it, but I have been consuming 2 or 3 miniature candy bars since we bought for Halloween. It's all gone now, and I have paid the price; not in gains, but in weird bowels. It has to be the sugar. Time to find out, now there's no more to tempt me. I am taking my magnesium and zinc at night, so I don't suffer the stomach upset they were giving me. My leg cramps have mostly gone away, so I am glad that vitamin change is doing it's job.
Well, time to re-write my resume and rip out the elastic on the sewing I've done so far. Then try on clothes for tomorrow, so I don't look TOO much like I don't know what I'm doing. Hopefully by the next time I Blog I'll be gainfully employed, and have the ability to DREAM again.

It has been MONTHS since I blogged. Geez. And it's nothing good this time. 

I went from doing well, but really busy to - life Sucks and don't know what to do about it.

Wednesday I spent 90 minutes on the phone with a BK attny, ready to file Ch 7 the next afternoon, after confirming some things with my family. Walked in to work Thur morning, walked out 30 minutes later, for good. Laid off, after nearly ten years. Just been in shock all weekend; trying to stay out of the fridge. Super depressed, since we had just decided to file and get out from under. Now we are more under than before. I figure, since my DH is with a new job at 2/3 his 2008 income, we'll lose the house in about six months. We have suffered three layoffs in the last three years. I have No benefits right now, with a colonoscopy scheduled on the 28th; not sure what to do about that, either. DH's insurance is not great, but COBRA is gonna be outrageous, so . . .

Trying to look forward, to finding a better job for either one, or both, of us. My small severance will pay for us to relocate, if necessary. Once we lose the house, what's the difference where we rent. Might as well look for a better job, wherever, then move there.

I can kiss any PS goodbye for a good long time. Still fighting to get to MY goal. I've been within reach of the Dr's goal for months! Can't seem to get that last five pounds outta here, and now with all day at home, it's gonna be a more difficult battle. Trying to stay busy with helping my DH on his hobby work, with a small side job going a little faster with me being home, but it's not gonna pay the bills.

Well, gonna go try and pick up my last round of BC pills on my insurance and hope they allow it. Then back home to clean house and make cookie dough for a fundraiser this weekend. Not to worry. All will be baked off for sale or shipment to my sons away at college.

And it was a nice party indeed, Rain and all! This year we had five guests more than prior years, and all great costumes! Unfortunately, I will not be able to post my photos until this weekend, as one of our 'merrier' guests grabbed MY camera instead of her own. SInce our friends all live over an hour away, it will be Saturday before I can get it back. I'm so bummed! I like to catalog our party decor, kind of like my surgery, before, during and after. I wanted to show our friends who kept asking how long it took us to decorate just how long it took us to UN-decorate. LOL. Even though it's his favorite time of year, DH had 75% of the decorations down before our friends had made it half way home. It took us a WEEK to put everythiing up!!
Oh well. This means by the coming weekend we will be putting everything back in the rafters and I can make him pull down X-MAS! I'd skip IT if I could, looking at our bank accounts, but we still have to have a holiday appearance for the family.
Now I have to get ready for Thanksgiving, which I was hoping to get out of as well. DH's dad always does T-Day so I was hoping to go there (ALWAYS an open invite), however, my parents want to come here so now I guess I'm cooking.
I have a hard time paying attention to myself on days like this, so I need to try harder. I took NO vitamins yesterday, except my B's, and barely ate or drank anything all day. I was feeling it by 1AM this morning. I got to bed by 3 after getting some Tylenol for my back, then we all slept in past 9 (we got very little done today). I guess on days like that I need to write myself a schedule and post it on the fridge. At least then my family can help keep me on track.
Well, I am off track now, too, so I better go get some protein in. I'd like to beat the 17_ off the scale, and can not do that if I am not getting my  proper nourishment. 16_ anything, here I COME!!!

So it's not HUGE numbers, but down around 175 now. That's 36 since surgery, 45 from my heaviest early this year.
The clothes are the tell. I only traded out my 18-20 jeans to my old 16's about two weeks ago. Now the 16's are generally baggy. Of course, these were all jeans I had PUSHED my way out of before, up to the 18's and 20's. I dug out soome old 13/14's from 26 years ago (yeah, I never let those go, they were too cute!) and I hope I can get into them by the holiday's. High wasted with suspender's, black pinstripes, as well as a pair in heather. Wore them to my aunt's wedding 2  months after my first son was born! How sad is that! Wearing size 13 two months after giving birth and now, 26 years later, (and 19 yrs after my LAST sons were born), I can't wait to get back down to them!
I put on some Medium slacks that were given to me. A little snug still, but how close is that to a 13? I wonder.
I am hopeful that the cortizone shots I got yesterday will enable me to begin my exercise again. I was really working out hard for several months prior to approval, then had the bad bursitis flare ups that benched me.
I'm looking forward to DH's Halloween party next weekend, though we have not yet decided on costumes! I was hoping I'd be in to those pin stripe pants for a gangster look. Oh well. At least I won't have to buy a plus size costume this year. Bummer I can't drink along with our guests.
Well, we'll see what the doc says tomorrow.

Last couple times I got on the scale I was bouncing between 189 and 187.6. I finally put it away last week, and will leave it there a couple more. However, I had been wondering and finally took the time to look up the last time I had weighed that little. It was after 7 months on phenteremine. Jan, 2007. Prior to that I had been in the mid 190's to mid 200's for a long time. SEVEN MONTHS on a diet pill that, from the time I started it at 212# I lost as much as I have already lost 6 wks post RNY. And what damage did I do to my body during those seven months? That was my THIRD attempt at doctor assisted weight loss. He just kept making money on me!
I am still adjusting to this new tool, but adjust I will! The more I figure out, the easier it will get.
Mom is asking her doctor next weekend if she would be a candidate. She's so tired of the difficulties she encounters every day that she is willing to ask for help, even though she's terrified of her heart letting her down.

Big day tomorrow. Will be on my feet all day. Crossing my fingers my feet will hold up better than last year. This time last year my weight was near 215#!!!! I did not realize that! The pictures tell the truth, I just refuse to look at them. Same event TWO years ago I was 195# so, either way, this year's pictures have to be much better. Too bad I got the curse today!  I'll probably be off in the restroom during pictures. LOL

Well I just can't believe it. Four weeks ago, post surgery, I was SURE I had made a wrong decision. Now I am working out the kinks in my new life, and taking it on faith that all the 'Senior' WLS'rs are right.
I have a new chance ahead of me, and I mean to take it. I have been 'stalled' for the past 10 days or so, but I am not 'stuck'. I know I have lost inches due to the fact that I had to take a pair of pants back off this morning. Now, they HAD been the pair that I marked loose inside because they would stretch out so much by the time I got home from work. This morning, however, there was no way I could wear those. The button overlapped by about 3" and they looked ridiculous in the legs and seat. So, Yeay! I am losing.
I had a male co-worker yesterday tell me I was losing weight and ask me what I was doing, if I didn't mind? I just said thanks, and silently thanked another unwitting employee that asked him a question.
He later caught me coming in the office and complimented me again, pointing out the places he could really see the loss (tummy and thighs).
So, my second WOW. The first was my DH noticing my loss of butt, paired with an entire day on a motorcycle where I had to believe what he said due to the unusual amount of pain I ended up with.
I know I need to take pictures to help me get past the scale stopage. I will try to get DH to do that for me this weekend. I know I need to get my exercise act together; I tried; my bursitis flared up again so quick I didn't realize what hit me. I have been taking ineffective Tylenol and rubbing on the BenGay since my short 20 minute workout on Friday. Can't get in for cortizone shots until late October! Well, at least it's finally cooling off, so I guess I will get out and walk.
Work is rough going, but I am deciding the hell with everyone, I'm gonna be happy whether they want to include me in their conversations or not. It seemed to work. I had a real bad day yesterday, ended up upset with myself for letting things get to me, and just decided last night that that was IT. I guess it worked. Today was MUCH better!!
I have learned to not talk about my new 'issues' with people, even if they ask, as I already got a 'that was what you wanted, wasn't it' from someone I had thought was an office-friend.
I am seeing how things do change. I can only hope that my co-worker digs herself a deeper hole than I had dug for me before I left. She must be afraid of getting laid off as much as I am; I feel she's tried to bury me, so I am keeping a shovel on hand!! Why do people have to be so two-faced? All sweet and religious, spouting 'love everyone', then stab you in the back the minute you take a few days off.
Well, the pre-surgery drama still hangs in the back of my mind, but I have learned it does no good to try and explain anything to my boss. He won't listen or believe me anyway; it's too bad, because I found out what happened when I got back, and his perception of me is scewed by mis-understandings and cranky truck drivers. So, I wait. The other shoe will drop, or get kicked under the rug. I will have the energy to job hunt again, if I must, and with a thinner me I will get a better second glance than I would if I was still 220 (it's sad but true)!
And now it's time to try and get a meal in.

Well, only two 'pre-days' left. I'm starting to get nervous, I think. I believe a blowout this morning between my DH and I was totally stress-related. I'm not sure about these 'What-If' letters I keep hearing people mention. I was worried about the 'Hey, family, here's what's new with me' e-mail I was/am going to send out. Now I have to worry about what needs to be taken care of if I don't make it. Isn't it bad enough we have to complete the survivor directive from the hospital?
Oh, I don't know? I suppose I'll make a few notes. I really don't know what I'd want if something happened.
I just went shopping; some locally, lots on line. I hope I'm ready. I have my first couple of weeks covered; I have my Bullet; I have some protein powder here, and more on the way; I had a REAL HARD time grocery shopping for the family. I kept thinking, 'well, it'll be a long time or never before I can have that again'.  Dwelling will get me no where. I just need to get thru the next two days as busy as I can. Before I know it, it'll be Wednesday morning, and we'll be on our way to hospital.
I'm sip, sip, sipping in the back of my mind all the time. I want to get back on my feet fast. There are upcoming events at only 4 weeks out that I don't want to miss!