7 months and a new challenge

Sep 30, 2012

So today is September 30th and I'm in a cast.  Yup on my right foot there is a cast since I tore my achilles tendon while playing volleyball at the employee picnic.  I hadn't played seriously in 20 years since the time I tore my left achilles tendon.  I was reallllllyyyyy happy to be playing and honestly was joyful at being able to run after balls again.  I was shocked and pissed when I realized that I'd torn the right one.  So I was able to still do 2 jewelry shows in the last 2 weekends.  I didnt make a huge amount of money but I'm glad that I stuck to the plan and did them both.  I also am glad that I worked out with my trainer post injury with my cast.  But there are so many blessings to be grateful for.  Since I've been working out, my arms and shoulders don't hurt as much as they did last time.  Also, since I've lost weight, I'm not as embarresed as I would have been last year this time had this happened then.  There are more things to be thankful for but I"m a bit tired.  Surgery is on October 3rd and I'll try to update after that. (note: eating has been so-so) Life is good. 
Be well.
0 comments

6 month Surgerversary

Aug 27, 2012

Today is officially 6 months post op.  My goal for the day is to NOT step on the scale and to NOT read any forum posts here at OH.  Sounds wierd right?  Well first I want to not consider the number on the scale as a primary measure of success and second I don't want to compare my rate of loss to anyone else to gauge success.  So, this is it for my visit to OH today.  I feel great - a bit of heel pain but I still plan to jump on the stationary bike this evening. I'm definitely comforatble in clothes in a way that I haven't been for many years.  I also feel comforatble in group settings - not worried that people are looking at me/judging me for being the largest in the room.  I'm still the largest in the room many times but I don't spend alot of time thinking about that.  My latest "demon" is the dreaded family judgement (real or perceived).  Still working on finding my voice with that.  Probably a job for a therapist regardless of my weight.  I'm still working with my trainer Greg and we had a really good talk last Friday about just how much of a challenge it was for me to share with him my weight etc.  He's a really good guy and I'm glad I found him.  Full disclosure on my biggest "demon" ----- peanut butter.  I eat way too much of it.  I know it.  It has replaced donuts, cupcakes, cookies.  I think about it in a very similar way to those things actually.  I mentally prepare to eat it while I'm driving home.  I don't really understand if it's chemical/physical or emotional. I kind of think it must be emotional unless it releases chemically in a similar way.  If it's chemical/physical, I'm not sure what to do about that other than abstain.  Which, obviously, is a problem for me.  Oh well, I'm a work in process.  Ta ta for now. 
Be well.
1 comment

5 month surgiversary

Jul 27, 2012

So today I'm at roughly 240.  So that's down 53 pounds since surgery date.  I'm happy with that most days.  I must say that what used to make me so happy to hear ("you look great") is wearing thin.  I'm still 100% sure that this was the right decision for me.  I'm happier and more active.  I'm off all meds and my sleep apnea has moved from severe to moderate.  All good things right?  

SO what could possibly be a reason for the "blahs" that I find myself feeling more frequently now.  As I pause to take a bite of my 4oz turkey burger - could the food be it?  I don't consciously miss anything terribly.  And quite honestly, I do enjoy my sugar free ice cream and/or peanut butter most nights as a treat.  I do sometimes feel guilty about that but usually that's a fleeting feeling.  I'm ok with losing slower than most posters on OH - I'm really ok with that now.  I used to get worked up about it but not anymore.  Whenever I start to think that I've completely blown it - the scale moves again - just a tad - but it moves.  So at a total of 76 pounds lost, I'm a little more than half way to "goal" - which is a completely arbitrary number I pulled out of my....well let's say I pulled it out of the air.  Today I ran into someone who I haven't seen for about 3 months and she said "you're looking skinny girl" but I know that's relative to my 300 pound self but when I said I'm halfway there she said "you can't be serious".  Gotta let that go. 

OK so what am I grateful for???  I can now circuit train and do 1 minute walking, 30 seconds or 1 minute "jogging" for up to 20 minutes, I can walk for 30 minutes straight at 3.0, I can spin for 20 minutes alternating sitting and standing.  So much to be happy about in the exercise realm.  I can squeeze into a size 16 jeans.  I can easily fit into a size 16 top. I look forward to exercise.  I'm inspiring people.  I'm healthier than I've been in a very very long time.  I don't see myself ever going back to 300+ pounds. 

Life is good, even when it's not.  I guess that's it. 

Be well everyone!  Peace

0 comments

I guess this is just the way it is.

Apr 20, 2012

So it's almost 8 weeks post surgery and I haven't lost weight in a few weeks.  In fact I may have gained a pound or two.  I must admit that it is frustrating but I'm not necessarily down in the dumps.  I know that I have lost 30 pounds since surgery and that's fantastic.  I know cognitively that there is no way I can gain weight on the calories I'm taking in each day.  I'm sure that my body is completely freaking out at the massive change in my eating.  It's just a little frustrating to read post after post of amazing weightloss and then to read post after post of "advice" about calorie intake and what is the "best" way to lose.  I honestly feel like I can't read so many threads.  They make me want to scream.  I think I'll keep the saying "stick to your plan" over and over in my head and take one day at a time.  I tell people alllllll the time to stay in the moment and focus on where you are and what you're doing today!  I have to follow my own advice.  There are no "must"s or "should"s in life ( I tell others) and then I find myself "should"ing on myself.  Ah well.....nobody is perfect, including me.  I still know it was the right decision.  I'm planning a cool new haircut to address any potential hair loss.  Going to buy 1 pair of jeans that will fit right now!  Life is good, even when it's tough.  That's all for now.  Be well.
0 comments

6 weeks post op and back to core exercises

Apr 10, 2012

My trainer reminded me today that it was time to start core exercises.....why does he remember that?  Anyway - it was ok.  My side is sore - oh yeah - I have kidney stones.  They developed at 4 1/2 weeks.  PAIN for about 6 days and then I decided to stop with the liquid vicodiene.  It's been much better.  I've had to strain my urine which has been a pain in the a** honestly and I haven't found any stones yet.  I go back to the urologist on Friday for follow up.  He said they may have to "go get them".  UGH I really don't want them to have to do that.  I'm really hoping that they've just broken up and passed along their merry way.  We'll see.  But back to the progress.  I'm around 265 or so right now.  I'm not really getting worked up over the scale numbers and that's good.  Whatever happens, happens I guess.  I am trying to track all my food though. I definitely don't want to slip into eating too much.  I doubt that will actually happen right now.  My restriction is pretty good.  Stress has been ok - work is normal crazy.  I saw my therapist for the first time last week since the surgery and I'm not sure but I may need to switch to someone who has worked with a post-op WLS patient before.  She actually told me how she cut down on sugar by stopping adding it to her coffee.....she actually offered that advice to me....ME....(at that time) 5 weeks after cutting out half my stomach....sheesh.  She's nice and I'm glad I had her during my pre-op.  I wish her well but I may need to switch.  Other than that - things are fine.  I'm trying to adjust to my clothing size.  That's been hard.  I haven't parted with any of my "big" clothes.  That needs to happen though.  Soon.  I think that will be a big milestone for me.  I hope I can really processs the emotions of that and not just ignore them like I normally do.  I'll keep you posted.
0 comments

Almost 3 weeks out and back to work tomorrow

Mar 17, 2012

Sigh..... I could really get used to not working - not being unemployed but retired or something you know.  So I'm back to work tomorrow and not really looking forward to the questions (over and over, same ones I suspect).  I'm planning to just go with the flow and answer however feels right in the moment.  I've been telling more people more easily than I thought I would.  So I may just put it out there.  My biggest concern is that people who are overweight will feel that my decision in some way shows my judgement of fat people in general or my dislike of my body as fat.  Honestly, I didn't have a problem with how I looked at 314 pounds - I could find things I thought were cute about me at that size.  I've always felt it important to be able to dance around in your undies while looking in the mirrow.  So I did so.  Frequently LOL.  But that's just me and maybe tmi   And to be quite honest, I'm not sure about how I feel about getting attention from men for my body - but I'm not there yet so no need to worry.  I'm still invisible to most.  SO back to work I go.  I have to be sure to not get sucked into the daily drama and make time for treadmill time.  I see my trainer again on Tuesday.  Pray that I don't have to curse him out to get him to understand the concept of NO CORE WORK for 3 more weeks.  J/K he's a good guy.  I'm excited about starting weights again.  Hope my energy stays up.  I may adjust my b12 to mid day for an energy boost - not sure. 

To be continued....
1 comment

+5 Days Saturday March 3, 2012

Mar 02, 2012

Well it's done!  Time really sped up on Sunday and before I knew it I was waking post op.  The next day and a half I was super loopy but one of my 3 sisters were around me pretty much at all times.  I'm very blessed to have them.  Life continues around me with all it's craziness - which reminds me that I am, in fact, not the center of the universe.  But a little more about me (just for the blog  )
I was able to get to 64 ounces of fluids by Wednesday which really makes me happy.  I'm not so thrilled with the broths so typically I do 2 protein shakes and one broth and the rest water or tea.  Oh - Dr. Moazzez found an repaired to hernia's (which I kept shouting to anyone who entered my room during my narcotic haze).  So I'm home for the next two weeks as well except for a few meetings.  I'm really going to try to relax and enjoy the down time.  I'll be on clears for 3 weeks (probably to let hernia sites to heal).  I see Dr. M next Thursday and will update after that.  Peace.
1 comment

Friday February 24, 2012

Feb 24, 2012

Two more days before the big day.  I'm ready.  I'm not sure how to describe how I'm feeling at this moment but know that I have moved between excited, anxious, nervous, happy, and slightly scared.  More nervous about the recovery and the things I've got on my (figurative) plate for next week.  Let's see if I can swing the next 2 days of liquid diet!!!  Wish me luck. 
1 comment

Got my date!

Jan 18, 2012

I got my date yesterday - February 27, 2012.  That's it.  Amazing.  It's been really tough waiting for approval but honestly I only found out they had submitted it on Monday but those 48 hours were a challenge- lol.  I couldn't stop smiling yesterday.  Now I'm reading the sleeve forum posts and seem to find all the ones about difficulties.  I need to stop reading those.  I am excited though.  I'll try to keep blogging now.
0 comments

Newbie

Jul 24, 2011

Hi~ I joined OH yesterday, July 23, 2011.  I'm just beginning my 6 month pre-op process.  I've met with my nutritionisit and plan to begin exercise plan next week.  I also need to schedule my consultation with the surgeon, find a schedule my psych assessment and start support group meetings.  It's alot of work but I honestly think that keeping busy will help.  My family is "on board".  My friends don't really know yet.  The few I have told have had the same reation "OH NO! Are you SURE you want to do that?  Can't you just diet and exercise???"  I can't stand that reaction and I really have to count to 10 and mentally say a prayer for patience.  I just don't understand why people think it's ok to make those judgements of me.  I hate secrets though, but feel like I need to be stronger on my feet to take these reactions on.  I'll take it one day at a time and try not to be a constant blogger.  But please bare with me.... Here I go!
Jeanne

0 comments

About Me
Silver Spring, MD
Location
36.2
BMI
VSG
Surgery
02/27/2012
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Jul 23, 2011
Member Since

Friends 36

Latest Blog 10

×