Jessica L.

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So I went this morning and had my RMR tested again (last test in July 2007 when I was over 260lbs). My first test had me burning 1681 calories at rest. This sent my trainer into a fit about how I needed to eat more or I would stall, yada, yada (at the time I was eating around 800-1000 calories a day, I was only like 3 months out). And that set the tone for my mindset. I thought, hey, doesn't matter if I eat 4 meals/3 snacks/have an extra latte, I need more calories! And I work out, so holy cow, my body is STARVING. And then I got another RMR test done on a cruise ship. This one was definitely more iffy and I never was 100%confident in the results, but it said that my RMR was 1960!! Well, well, pull a chair up to the buffet! In fact, I didn't think that I needed to follow the NUTs guidelines, because you see, I am a calorie burning MACHINE  But then.... why did I stop losing? You see, since the holidays and since I started eating whatever I wanted, I haven't gained, but I have only lost 10lbs since the New Year (it is now end of March). 10lbs in 3 months? And I am under 1yr out? I tried everything. More calories, more protein, more fluid, more fiber, more carbs, the 5DPT, calorie cycling, everything! Everything? Hmmmm... seems I missed one. How about LESS?

Most recently, I would say that I was getting in the range of 1600-2300 calories a day. Its a wide range, but my eating was inconsistent. And I stopped exercising because recently I have been exhausted. Flat out, can't get out of bed, need a minimum of 8-10 hours of sleep, exhausted. Now, I am a 6-8 hour sleeper. Always have been. So to need a nap after 10 hours of sleep is a huge concern for me. 

Anyway, to make a long story short.... I had my RMR retested this morning and expected it to be screeching off the charts again. Guess what it was.... come on, guess...... 1181. What???? I was floored. So was my trainer. She actually called someone else over to see if something was wrong with the machine. There wasn't. Its my body. My now 150lbs lighter body!!

The moral of the story is that we are all different. Our bodies react in crazy ways when we make massive changes. Don't just add calories because people on this board tell you to. Invest in the test and find out what YOUR body needs. I just lost 3 months of my "window of opportunity". Is it all over? Heck no. But I have been unmotivated and frustrated over something that should have been easily adjusted.

Funny how fast time passes and how much can happen in such a short time. Well, I am currently down 150lbs which puts me at 198lbs. I am very pleased with the results although I have not been losing like I should the past 2 months and I can fully admit that it is because I have not been doing as I should. I wouldn't say that I am doing horribly, but I could be doing better. My workouts are fewer and far between, I have been eating because of emotions and/or boredom instead of true hunger and my food choices are not always the healthiest. But I realize what I am doing wrong and I do go through each day and think about each decision. I am not going to say "I'm going to start doing something about it". I am out of that kind of black or white thinking. Each decision is a decision. We all approach our journey differently and this is how I am choosing to approach mine. 

I am under quite a bit of stress. I just finished up work on my master's which meant final exams and papers. I am preparing to leave this job that I despise everyday and start a new one, in a different state no less. Meaning that I also have to relocate and find a place to live and leave my family and friends behind. I believe that it will all be alright, it is just a lot to take on each day. So that's the update basically. Life goes on. I am learning to live my life with my RNY tool and trying to enjoy it as best I can. I will do all the year check-ups in the next couple of weeks and update then. But overall, I would certainly call my surgery a success. Until then...

I was at my parent's yesterday and talking to my Mom about getting under 200 and I asked her when exactly I went over (see my post below for when I think it happened). She had no idea. Not even a ballpark like "when you went into highschool" or anything like that. Now, I am not blaming or anything but if I was a mother of an obese child I would probably be taking note of their weight. Is this odd? I guess that I'm kind of mad at my Mom because she had a weight problem of her own and she always seemed more concerned about her own weight issues than mine. How do you encourage a heavy child to help themselves? I guess her method was to just let me be, but that method really did NOT work.

I am going to have to do a lot of talking with people about this because I am really concerned over how to parent after a lifetime of obesity. I certainly don't want my child to grow up like I did but I don't want to obsess about their weight either and create issues for them. I am just hoping that I will succeed and be a normal size and be able to maintain what I have accomplished with surgery and live normally with food. Parenting by setting an example? I guess that's the best I can hope for.

I am finally below 200!! Weighed in this morning at 199.8, and I swear that I will never weigh myself again (maybe). I have not had a 1 in front of my weight since childhood. I know I entered high school around 230 (that was age 13) and I am assuming I hit the 200's by 11 or 12. I cannot believe that I weigh less than I did in the 6th grade. That is both exciting and sad all at the same time. Anyway, I feel like this officially releases me from the clutches of the scale. I now only care about clothing size and the way that my body looks. 

And on a side note, I am trying the 5DPT. I know, I know..... Let me start by saying that the woman with the 5DPT website is a bit of a kook (sorry if she is reading this). 5 days of restricted eating will not "fix" your pouch if it is stretched or the stoma is damaged. And I hate the phrase "get back to that tight newbie feeling" - that just makes me cringe! My reason for doing this is that it has become too easy for me to make bad food choices. I was grabbing carb-loaded/sweet crap and justifying it as "a treat". And it got to be too much. I was totally unmoderated in my food choices, not with the volume of course, but the choices were poor. The 5DPT has helped me because it made decision making easy again. I follow the instructions and thats all I get. Today is day 3. The liquid days were pretty easy but yesterday night I did start to feel a little wonky around 7pm. But I just went to bed early and got up bright and early this morning to make my eggs. 

So my verdict as of today - the 5DPT is good to help remoderate food choices. It should not be used because you think you broke your surgery or because you want to lose faster. Also, if you are less than a year out (which I am) be especially careful because you have been losing a lot of weight fast in the first year and putting your body on a liquid diet is asking a lot of it. Be very aware of how you feel and make sure you are giving your body some fuel to live.

Not keeping up the blog like I used to. Lots of stuff going on. I have 3 weeks left until I am done with my MBA (YES!!!) but that means final exams and projects (NOOOO!!!) and I just gave notice at my job and am moving to Cincinnati in April to start a new one. This means I am trying to hire and train a replacement - company is really no help on this one. Oh, and I am trying to find a place to live. I am freaking about that because I am going to try to buy my first place and that scares the heck out of me. 

Now for what you guys come here for, updates on the weight stuff. I am 10.5 months out and down 148 pounds, making me 200.0lbs. 200.0..... been here about 3 weeks now. I think that you know how I feel about that. I can't really complain though. In less than a year I am the smallest that I have ever been in my adult life. I am wearing pants today that I wore in college (tight) and they are baggy now plus I have a layer of long johns underneath (did I mention it is 7 degrees here today?). With the exception of seasonal fatigue, I feel great. This single digit weather and lack of sun is seriously running me down. It is nearly impossible to get out of bed at 5am to get to the gym when it is this cold. I give credit.... anyone who does it is a better man than I! I am still going to the gym, just not as religiously right now (2-3x per week instead of 4-5x). I am confident it will get better though. My eating is ok. I occasionally make some bad choices, but as long as I plan my day in advance and stay prepared I stay out of (carb/sugar) trouble. 

I am concerned about my calorie consumption. I had another metabolic test done on the WLS cruise which put my RMR at 1980. I was probably eating between 1100-1400 calories per day. When you add in a 500-700 calorie workout on top of that RMR, it would seem that I am too low on my calories. So I kicked them up. No change. I took them back down. No change. I have no idea if this test was reliable or not. I am so confused. So I am having another test done at the docs office right around my 1 year and I will meet with a NUT again. Oy. Maybe my body just needs a break (from losing, not from the program). The hardest thing for me is comparing myself to others who've had the surgery and are now losing faster (I was the fastest loser for many months and I am ridiculously competitive...). I just need to concentrate on my own success and not worry so much about other people. Easier said than done.....

I love that darn Melissa F. She told me about a way to make apple cobbler the WLS way and it is super easy. Today we got hit with some serious snow so I got home from work early and decided to give it a whirl. Holy cow is it good! And so easy. Now keep in mind that I just threw it together so I don't have any exact amounts and no nutritional stats.

1. Peel and slice 2 apples (I used Jonagold) 
2. I took a stick of butter and rubbed it on the bottom of a square baking dish (I like real butter instead of margarine, and I didn't use much)
3. I added 1 pouch of Weight Control instant oatmeal in Maple and Brown Sugar to the pan, then I added the apples, then I added another packet of the oatmeal and stirred them together. 
4. I added a scoop of vanilla protein powder, some splenda, some cinnamon, some Splenda brown sugar, a handful of currants, and I sliced about 2 tbsp of butter into little chunks and added it to the top
5. Baked at 350 degrees

I didn't time it, I just watched it and would stir every 5-8 minutes. It looked a little dry so I added 1/2c water halfway through baking. I took it out when the apples got "bendy" (I am sooo not a cook, can you tell?). Totally delicious!! I hate oatmeal but this is so good! I took a little bit of plain kefir and poured it on top. I would have preferred Activia light vanilla yogurt but it seems that some butthead ate that all up while I was gone on the cruise..... YUM. 

Today I signed up to run an 8K (4.97 miles) on March 30. Thats a lot of running for someone who weighed 348lbs less than a year earlier.... So today I went to the gym to see where I am starting timewise. 1:09 for today. I would love to see that under an hour by race time. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!! Actually, I don't need luck. I need to get my ass out of bed in the morning and go running. OK. Wish me to get my ass out of bed in the morning and go running!

'Cuz I hit another goal!! See post December 27 where I set a fitness goal of running a 12 minute mile by March 1, then I got all unmotivated and said by April 1. Well people, I did it on JANUARY 8!!!! This morning I ran a mile in

11:55!!!!



I am the fastest woman alive! 
HA HA!! Just kidding.

This morning I weighed 206.4. That is officially the least that I have ever weighed in my adult life. Prior to that I weighed 208 for like a day when I was on Atkins in my early 20's. This is all new territory to me now. It's still super weird to go into a store and have to grab size L. Number sizes are a different story, don't get me started. Nobody told me about the jump between 16 and 14 in pants. 16's are literally falling off of me, I look ridiculous. 14's are still too tight. I am dyin' here people! I had to put away my 16 jeans and bought a pair of 14's which I am wearing today and they are t-i-g-h-t. Like open the button tight. I haven't had to do that in over 9 months people! But I have to say that its better than last Christmas when I walked around with my size 28's unbuttoned and the flaps tucked under with a long sweater or sweatshirt pulled down all the time because I simply could not find bigger pants (don't worry, my significant girth held them on). 

Also, my pouch has officially put me on punishment. I don't know how long I am grounded but it is damn sick of me breaking the rules. It is still sensitive from NY Eve. I really don't think it is anything serious since it is just discomfort and not pain, so I will give it until Monday before I call the doctor. Today (and until it feels better) I am eating mushies and drinking warm tea. Everything has gone perfectly, I would hate to have a problem now. 

Oh and I would post 9 month pictures, but my family is currently too lazy to take them for me. I am having some issues with my family and their apparent self-loathing right now, but I will leave that for another time.

I use my blog to be brutally honest for my own learning and maybe others may learn something too. I went out on NY Eve (first time in over 5 years!!). I think the last time I went out on NYE was the millenium, no freakin kidding. Since surgery I have drunk some alcohol. Usually 1 glass of white wine at social functions and it has been fine. I have never been a big drinker so I don't feel like I am missing anything. On NYE, I had 2 vodka cranberries. Let me tell you people, I was buzzed 1/4 way through the first one and trashed after the 2nd (I don't even think that I finished it). I stopped drinking early in the night (so I could drive home around 2ish) and at 1am I was no longer feeling the alcohol effects, but I felt like I HAD to eat. There was no food. About 10 minutes later I was in the bathroom dry heaving for a while. I had almonds in my car, no good. I got home and tried to eat some toast, managed a nibble but it wasn't happening so I just went to bed. The next day I barely ate. My pouch was definitely swollen and everything just felt uncomfortable going down. Even today, I can feel that its a little unhappy. So let the lesson be learned that drinking will never be the same and should probably just be avoided (not worth it). I used to go out and have 3-5 drinks and be just fine. 

I hope that as time passes I get better about being social. I spent the entire day before I went out DREADING going and wishing I could just stay with my brothers' families (they got the kiddies, so they were just having a pizza party). But I can't do that. I have to get out and live MY life and stop playing a background part in theirs. I am just so used to hiding. I can't tell you how many excuses I have made to avoid social outtings because I had nothing nice to wear or I just felt like a house and didn't want to go. I am not sure what it will take to get past that. Actually, I am hoping that when I move out of state later this year that it will help because I won't have my family to fall back on so easily. Its tough getting rid of your inner fat girl.

Other than that, it was a good time. I wore my first regular sized dress (see pics) but no pics from that night since no one was home to take them when I left. I am down to 209 now. Its not great, but at least I lost something over the holidays. I, of course, resolve to do better and so far today is good. Tomorrow morning I see my doc and we'll see if she is happy or not. My loss has definitely slowed, but I am still on target to hit my goals. My initial goal was to hit 198 by my one year anniversary (April 2, 2008). I should blow past that, but I don't want to get cocky ;-) 

Happy New Year to all!!! I have not and will not be on the boards much as life keeps getting busier and busier. I start school again on Monday and I have a bunch of other stuff going on. Crazy times, I tell ya!! Cannot wait to meet my girls on the cruise at the end of the month!!! Buncha skinny bio-tches :-)