Jean_H

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I just weighed myself for the first time since April, and I've GAINED 31 lbs. I am so pissed to be back in the 300 lb range.

Actually, I think I was weighed after I came back from Spain in July, and I was the same weight as my last check-up. So I've gained 31 lbs. in about 6 months.

I miss the days when I was LOSING 30 lbs. a month. This is not easy anymore.

I was avoiding looking at the number on the scale, because in the past seeing that I'm not doing well just got me discouraged. But I can tell by the ways my clothes don't fit as well that I've gained, and wanted a number as a reference point. Yesterday I went to aqua fitness for the first time since last spring, and I'm going to weigh myself regularly now.

I need to stop trying to figure out what messed up, me or my tool, and just move forward from where I am. If I can gain back 30 lbs. I know I'll gain back the other 50 I lost, and I do NOT want to do that.

I just hate how my weight always seems like something I can't control. I guess it's a testament to how I'm still not putting my health first in my life. I've made some changes that should help me, but maybe that's not enough. I still stress-eat; I still binge on sweets when I know it makes me tired and occasionally dump. I still think I can have just 1 cookie after repeatedly devouring the entire box in one night. By now I should've learned: it has to be all or NOTHING with me.

I need to remind myself I'm not making these changes because I hate myself and my current body. I'm doing it because I LOVE myself, and want the best life possible. My eating habits are just a symptom of my emotional state, so if I work out those issues my entire life will be happier. I feel like that is what the surgeons don't tell you about; how gastric patients use food as a coping mechanism, and once that's no longer an option, you have to figure out how else to deal. Otherwise, you go back to food.

As disappointed/upset as I am right now, this is definitely the wake-up call I need. Maybe I should do the 5-day pouch test to kickstart things...any advice? 

I know that the reasons behind doing the 5DPT are not to lose weight, but I have to say that losing 3 lbs. in 4 days is definitely a nice benefit!! I don't know what my exact weight was before I started the 5DPT; something tells me that I probably lost at least 1 lb. during the first day of liquids only. But I bought a scale on Day 2 and my weight was 283; today is the first day after I finished the test and I'm 280!!

As for the other purposes of the 5DPT, I'm also very satisfied. I noticed myself felling full loooooong before I mentally wanted to stop eating. Eating is just so pleasant and it really is hard to say "no, I don't need any more food". But it feels so good  when I do say that to myself. For example, today I went to Olive Garden. In the past I ordered whatever I wanted because I can eat anything without feeling sick; I'd completely gotten off target of eating high-protein, lo-carb, low-fat. But today I only had ONE garlic breadstick before my meal, which in itself is a feat! I remember before eating at least 3 and feeling full, but still trying to eat my meal. And I ordered a stuffed chicken breast. And I only ate half of my meal!!! Seeing a lot of leftover food on my plate is just as, if not more, satisfying than the feeling I get from the good taste of food.

So I am definitely turning my eating habits around and the results are showing! 5DPT really helped bring me confidence: in the fact that I hadn't "broken" my tool and ruined all chances of losing weight, and in my ability to listen to my body and make wise choices!

Today I had ground beef and it was so good!

I was looking at more of the "Before and After" pictures and realized that they don't always inspire me. I look at some of the Befores who are at the weight I'm at now, which is after losing almost 100 lbs! And it makes me anxious thinking that I'll stop losing before I'm out of the plus sizes. *shudder*

Then I see people who started out closer to my weight and lost more than 100 lbs in their first 6 months! And naturally I get jealous of their success and then beat myself up for not being as good.

BUT I AM GETTING MORE POSITIVE!!!!!! I did a search for quotations about getting discouraged and here are some of my favorites:

Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.

John Keats (1795 - 1821)

Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.
-Brian Adams

Our repeated failure to fully act as we would wish must not discourage us. It is the sincere intention that is the essential thing, and this will in time release us from the bondage of habits which at present seem almost insuperable.

Thomas Troward

Hopefully these are helpful to other people too!

So tonight I went off track of the 5DPT but I'm choosing to use it as a valuable lesson!

I started the day with 1/2 cup of Eggbeaters and had a 6 oz. can of tuna for lunch. It was strange not pairing the tuna with cream cheese or crackers because those are the types of habits I've gotten used to. For dinner I had a piece of fish, but then I was at an event on campus with free appetizer-like food and felt pressured to eat. The amazing thing is that even though my stomach doesn't hurt, I could tell that I'd eaten too much because I burped a lot and got the hiccups. Previously I'd snack unconsciously and probably ignored any signs like that which my body was sending me, but I was definitely in tune tonight!

Even though I veered slightly off the path, I am definitely learning a lot from the 5DPT!

I can honestly say that I haven't felt hungry or missed food these past 2 days! What worries me is that since I haven't felt the hunger sensation, how will I know when it's time to eat tomorrow? I know that I need  to eat because although I haven't felt hungry, I'm definitely feeling more tired than usual. To anyone out there looking to try this, I'd recommend doing it over the weekend when hopefully your schedule is more relaxed and allows you to take a nap if you need to.

I bought my first scale today and am a little bit disappointed. I weighed myself in the weight room the other day and it was one of those scales like at the doctor's office, where you slide the weight back and forth until it literally balances. Well according to that I was at 265 and was SO HAPPY; at my 6 month appointment in January I was at 296 so this was great! But according to the scale I just bought I'm at 283, which means I've only lost 13 lbs. in 3 months!!! True, I wasn't exercising or eating like I should, hence the 5DPT, but it was such an eye-opener! I'm doing my best to turn all of these negative experiences and emotions into motivation to do better in the future, but it's still hard for me not to be angry at myself for wasting so much time!

Today I'm starting the 5 Day Pouch Test and I am really excited! The thought of getting control over my eating habits again is the force that is driving me forward right now.
Friday night I went out to dinner with my mom and sister and only ate half of my meal, like I used to do. One comment that hurt me a few weeks ago was when my mom said that she noticed I wasn't eating half meals any more. This time I ate slowly and was able to stop eating once I wasn't hungry any more. And it was really satisfying to put so much food into the take-home box! I need to keep reminding myself how good these victories feel whenever I get the urge to eat eat eat whatever and however much I want.
I'll keep everyone posted on how the pouch test goes. If nothing else I expect it will help me in this process of recommitting myself to my post-WLS lifestyle!

My surgery was more than 8 months ago and I'm sad to say that my journey hasn't been the way I thought it would. It started off great; I didn't have any cravings for sweets, I was doing water aerobics 3 times a week, and I felt so proud of myself! But around finals I quit going to water aerobics b/c I didn't have time (so I thought) and then over Christmas break I completely stopped exercising. My class schedule changed this semester so going to water aerobics, while still a possibility, was more inconvenient and I haven't gone at all. My real low was my 6th month appointment; my surgeon's assistant told me that it would be possible for me to loose 100 lbs. in 6 months; when I'd only lost 86 I was disappointed and I know she was too.

I keep killing myself for wasting optimum weight-loss time; I was told that after 12-14 months the weight loss really slows down, and here I've wasted a good 3-4 months!!! I get so mad at myself, but all that does is make me feel bad and eat.

I think I've found what I need though to get back on track; someone in the chat room recommended the 5 day pouch test, and that sounds like exactly what I've been looking for--the metaphorical "reset" button that will allow my head to re-connect to my body and understand feelings of fullness. Also getting rid of bad habits like snacking and eating non-protein "slider" foods will help a lot too.

The biggest piece of advice I'd give to anyone beginning their journey; well actually there are several:
1. Do not test to see if you'll dump. If you do dump, it will be an awful experience. If you find out you don't dump, then that tool will be ruined because you'll start eating sugar. Trust me, I know.
2. Don't think you can do this alone. I hadn't been on this website in months and I really regret it. Reach out to the community around you! Learn from their stories and listen to their encouraging words.
3. Learn to forgive yourself for the momentary mess-ups. I'm still working on this one.

Well I don't know if anyone will read this; a lot of it was for me to vent my feelings and get comfortable readjusting to the OH community.

I lost a total of 37 lbs. this month! That is so exciting! I was a little worried because I feel like sometimes I eat bigger portions than what I should be able to eat now, but since I've never gotten sick I don't think that's really an issue.

I had a protein smoothie for the first time today and it was a real treat! But I don't want to become too reliant on "treats" because it's been nice not having any cravings and I don't want to ruin that.

I had my one-week follow up appointment with the surgeon today and I lost 23 lbs!!! I was hoping for at least 10 but this blew my mind! I was told that at this point it is all water but still, 23 lbs of water is a lot! It will probably taken 1-2 months for me to start losing inches, but it's possible for me to lose 100 lbs in 6 months!

I am so happy and this has given me the encouragement to keep following the diet and doing my walking. I am thrilled!