Sad Days, Sleepless Nights

Aug 19, 2013

Our dog, Eddie, is dying of heart and kidney failure.

I can't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night.  He wakes me up scrabbling about the room to go outside (we put carpet runners down wherever there was no carpet because he can't stand up by himself on wood or tile, or linoleum.

Sometimes, he dashes around the room oddly enough, with the youthful strength of a puppy - sometimes looking for a place to cough up lung secretions, sometimes he just tries to go into rooms we without carpet we have blocked off, into blind ends, or into the bathroom or bath room.

Usually, I feel sick and horrible all day and finally take a short nap when I'm utterly exhausted during the day sometime, usually in the late afternoon.

Even if I don't help him go outside during the night, I wake up and can't get back to sleep for 3+ hours; if I can get back to sleep at all.

We are taking him back to the vet again today (we don't have an appointment, but they should open soon).  I fear that she will tell us that there isn't much she can do to help our beloved almost 14 year old companion and that we should put him down.  I don't want to do that - but I don't want him to suffer either.  How, and when do you draw the line?  Deciding the fate of another is the worst thing possible, especially when he can't talk to you about his wishes.

What do we do with him?  Do we build him a coffin and bury him at the cottage, overlooking his favourite place, the beach, or do we bring him to be individually cremated in Toronto, and bury his cremains there, in our own little pet cemetery?  It's such a sad time...

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03/11/2013
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