I'm a whiner and I need to change my outlook.

Jun 11, 2009

 
    
    Sometimes it's just so hard to put all of this into persprctive.  I will try to state the positives and keep on truckin towards my goal.  I have gone from a size 22 to a size 14/16.  It depends on the clothes but I am mostly in 14's.  Yesterday on my evening walk...I actually jogged!  And the best part was I wasn't tired or out of breath!  I felt great!  I have so much energy now that most nights I have a hard time sleeping.  B4 surgery I would sleep all night and take up to 2 naps a day.  I don't have pitting edema anymore and my bloodwork at my 3 mo appt was spot on.  I am really trying to eat in the morning and I have found that if I get up by 5:30 I feel ready to eat a couple of hours later.  My protien is on average 80-100 gr a day and carbs are below 90..  Calories tend to be in the 900-1200 range depending on how busy my day is or hoe close I am to TOM.  TOM throws me off each month and I am ravenous for about 4 days b4 my period arrives.  

I will not give up...I have worked too hard.  But I do have my moments and clearly, when I posted on the WL failure board, I was having one.    Jill


 
 
2 comments

Summer time

Jun 04, 2009

Well its here.  HOT weather, humidity and 2 kids breathing down my neck all day long.  This could be a good thing.  I think having the kids at home will increase my activity and take my mind off of being preoccupied with food.  I worry constantly if I've etaten too much/too little/enough protien etc...A few things I noticd this week were 1) my BAD habit of skipping breakfast and not eating until lunch.  I have my am coffee but the thought of food b4 noon makes me queasy.  I'm going to look for a protien shake that I actually like drinking.  2)  Even if I can't eat it, I still enjoy cooking it.  My family has no complaints.  3)  I was hoping to have lost more by now.  Even though I am the smallest I've been in years, inside I stll feel like I'm 280 pounds.  And I still have fat days.  4)  I still don't like all the attention from the opposite sex.  It freaks me out and I see clearly how for years I kept tose feelings at bay by being morbidly obese and thus invisible.

Also, I was at Old Navy yesterday and the dressing room attendant saw me ( I have known her for years) and she said..."Does your sister shop in here too?"  I said, "Nope, I don't have one.  That was me.  I've lost some weight."  She looked at me and screamed OMG!  you have.  One a side note, I bought size 14 jeans yesterday and they fit!  I also picked up a 12 so I will have my fave jeans later on.  I'm at 217 pounds now.
1 comment

Update

May 25, 2009

Weight today is 219.5  Stil in a size 16 and they don't seem to be getting that much baggier.  I think I will be here until I lose another 10-12 pounds and then I will be looking at a 14.  I REALLY want to be under 200 by the end of July but at th rate I'm going I don't think it will happen until sometime in August. 
1 comment

Down 50 pounds

Apr 13, 2009

And I worked hard for every stinkin pound.  If I want to get to my goal of 150, I have 80 pounds left.  At the rate I'm going, I think I will be thrilled to be 175.  Anything under that will be gravy.  I am still looking for a good used treadmill.  I really need to get more exercise than I do.  I have a special needs child and he takes up so much of my time and energy that I don't have much time to myself, and when I do get it...I have no energy.  I went to the Gap today and fit into a regular XL top.  I was thrilled.  One of these days I will be brave enough to waltz into any store in the mall and try on some chic clothes.  Right now if it doesn't come from Old Navy, I don't wear it.  I think pretty soon I will be able to divorce Lane Bryant and i won't miss that store for one sceond.  So here I sit, 17 weeks post op today, at a 50 pound loss.  It's not as much as I would have liked it to be, but I will take it.
0 comments

Am I doing enough?

Mar 16, 2009

Today marks my 3 month post op check in.  I had my 3 month appt with the dr. last friday.  It was not a good experience.  Let's just say that from the beginning I have been a slow loser.  My highest weight was 280.  The week before surgery I went to the dr for preop weighing in at 272...then I freaked out, ate everything in sight and when I weighed in at the hospital, the day of surgery, I was 277.  Not the best i have ever behaved, but it's the truth.

Fast forward to today.  237 pounds.  Down 40 from surgery and 43 from my highest.  THIS IS ACCORDING TO MY SCALE...AND I WEIGH MYSELF AND TRACK THIS DAILY.  But at the dr on friday I weighed in at 240 according to his scale (I hate that scale)  so he, having me at a starting weight of 272, sees me as having only lost 32 pounds.  And did I ever get a talking to about that.  i felt like a failure and a child who just wanted to be accepted.  I didn't explain my bad behavior or defend myself...I just took it. 

So I wonder if I am really doing enough?  I have gone from a size 22 to a 16, I record everything I eat, eat all organic foods, and follow the WLS rules.  I know I dont move my butt enough but if I was good at exercising I would have never gotten to 280.  I don't do fast food or sugar.  But I will have a single bite of something if it's a special occasion.  I take my vitamins, drink my water and don't do sodas.  So why am I such a slow loser?  Why am I failing at this? 
3 comments

About Me
Houston, TX
Location
35.0
BMI
Surgery
04/15/2011
Surgery Date
May 02, 2008
Member Since

Friends 59

Latest Blog 5

×