Slowly but surely

Sep 26, 2010

It's been a long past couple months.  I haven't been following my diet to the letter because I miss crunching so much.  I think that's what I was addicted to as well as food.  Textures, tastes...so I was on this chip addiction for a while, but that really put the cabosh on the weight loss.  So now, thanks to the smart chicks on the forums, I've moved onto almonds.  Probably NOT the kind I SHOULD eat...but still, I'm getting some damn protein so yay for that.  I have been losing weight, just at a MUCH slower pace.  It's totally my fault and I need to figure out a way to get back on track.  *sigh* good luck to me.

Still struggling with smoking too.  God I don't know why I think I need some sort of vice.  I don't.  But this addictive personality of mine is making it rough.  My son will surely disown me if I don't just quit for good.  And who could blame him really?  Certainly not I.

Been meeting men from the online dating service I belong to.  Good god what a bunch of losers these people are.  I had one guy telling me he loved me within like 24 hours of talking to him on the phone.  THEN when I did go meet him, he totally man-handled me like I was a piece of meat.  Needless to say I dont talk to him anymore.  And then I met this gross bald guy who was kinda an albino and had scabs on his bald head.  So gross.  And he put the moves on me too.  WTF?  I'm still fat!  But fat, my friends, does not equal desperate....not even slightly.  I'm so damn picky that if I don't meet someone who meets my requirements mentally and physically, well, I guess I'm just going to give up my search.  No point in looking for something that doesn't exist.  Am I right?  Damn straight I am. ;)

The weather is turning cooler which I LOVE.  I loathe summer.  It'll be interesting to see what I think of it next year when I'm hopefully smaller.  I really hope I'm not done losing weight.  I've lost almost 100 lbs since my surgery.  WOW!  I need to buckle down a lose 100 more to reach goal.  Hope I can do it and not totally screw everything up.  I'm so glad I can't eat cheeseburgers...cuz Id be eating one right now if I could.  Yes I miss them, but shit, I prefer feeling thnner.  by far!

All my shirts are too big and look stupid on me.  I Found some smaller jeans in my closet which are starting to feel too big. LOL!  Love it.  I dont know what I'm going to do about a coat this year, because I'm certainly not going to invest in a new one.  Maybe I'll go check out the goodwill or something.  I'm sure if I tried to wear my old one...which was a 6 x?  It'd totally swallow me up. LOL!  :)  oh happy day. 
AND I feel smaller in my car too.  Last winter I was all smashed up against my steering wheel.  NO shit.  Now I have to move the seat up a bit so I'm not so far away.  LOL!  Makes me giddy. 

What I dont like is my bony ass (which I'm getting some plastic done on next month) and I dont like my bony knees when I try to sleep at night.  I do enjoy seeing my collar bones again and when I suck it in (lol) i can see my ribs!  I can't even fathom what its going to be like 100 more lbs from now.  I haven't been the size I'm at now in over 10 years.  After 20 more lbs ,I'll be the weight I was after my son was born 16 years ago.  NO foolin.

This trip has been mind blowing.  Yes there have been many shitty days, and days I really beat myself up for whatever reason...but over all I am loving me again.  If/when I kick these bad habits, I'll learn to adore myself! :) (god that sounded creepy)


Continued success to ALL of you.  And if you are like I once was and are waiting/hoping to get the surgery...please be patient.  If you don't give up, it WILL happen for you.  This I promise.  Took me 10 years, and I'm glad its happening now.  I appreciate it more I think. 

Happy Fall Everyone! 

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