jengo1971
"how do I stop losing?" COME ON NOW!!
Jan 03, 2012
Besides the fact that it seems I'll NEVER get to goal (maybe my body doesn't want to weigh 125???), I'm so worried that I'll also never be able to eat anymore than I do now without gaining! So frustrating. I'm feeling so down right now. And pissed.
This time last year....
Nov 18, 2011
This time last year I was eating myself silly. I mean honestly I was ready to start a diet because of all the crazy overeating. I felt like crap all the time.
Last Thanksgiving I worried the entire day because technically I was not supposed to be cheating. It was so hard but I did amazingly well. Certainly didn't want to screw anything up with my upcoming surgery. This year the heck with it! We won't be eating until 6pm so I'll follow plan all day until then.
I'm wearing a size 8 or 10 depending on the make. I have NEVER been in an 8 before! Shirts are usually small or medium. Pajamas are size small. AMAZING!!
In just a few short weeks I will celebrate my one year surgiversary. The year has truly flown by for me. I started working out at 3 1/2 months out and have continued. Approx 40 minutes/5 days wk. I just ordered a wt training set called Chalean extreme that Brandilynn suggested to someone months ago.
I have not met my "goal" which in my unrealistic mind was 115. Well guess what? I had a DEXA scan done a couple weeks ago and my body fat % is 29.2%! This is normal! I am NOT meant to weigh 115 pounds. This is hard for me. In my crazy mind I think to myself "well, you're only 5'1" so it makes sense to get to 115. Right?" The technician there suggested not going any lower than 125. I hope to get there. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'll make it by December 6th. The damn wt loss is soooo frigin slow now!! I'm lucky if I lose at all anymore.
I'm hungry now. I must eat every three hours. Really. I eat five times a day. I just can't go longer or with less meals. If only I could get those first six months back. Now I understand what all the vets meant about taking advantage of the first six months-year. Hopefully my restriction stays the same forever as it is now. I can eat a lot more than a lot of people which really ticks me off. Solid protein I can eat a good 4oz. I usually weigh my protein and try to stick with 3 oz then 1oz veggie. My self control is not where I wish it were. I never lost my hunger. Heck, I'm not sure that I believe it's any different than before surgery.
What's interesting is I feel like I'm eating so darn much sometimes. I try to bring myself into reality by picturing what I ate for the entire day on a single plate. It's so much less than pre-op. It's interesting how we get used to this new life and sometimes forget about how we used to eat. This may sound like a really stupid idea but.....one of these days I'm going to prove to my crazy self just how much things have changed. I'm going to get a big mac and fry. Then eat. Not until I throw up of course! Damn, I'm not that nuts. I just want to see how much my new tummy will allow me to eat. Kind of like the cottage cheese test some do. Kinda? Or I'd like to take a plate and put the amt of pizza I would have eaten a year ago. And eat. Just to show my CRAZY, nut job self how little I really do eat. Does that make sense? Putting it all into perspective.
I will finish this post with one last thought. I do want to get to 125 pounds. I do want to gain muscle. I do want to fit into the size 4 and 6 jeans that are in my closet by next summer. We shall see.
not happy with myself
Jul 04, 2011
I have done so well so far on this journey. I weigh less than I have in over 14 years. I wear L top/12 or 14 bottom. I started at 233 and now weigh (on a good day) 149ish. I still need to lose 30 pounds. I don't want to be a failure.
4th of July bbq sent me over the edge once again today. ENOUGH DAMN IT!!! I am making a commitment to myself RIGHT NOW. For the entire month of July I will......#1 eat only planned meals each day with at least 70 pro/40 or less cabs. #2 drink at least 64 oz/QD #3not weigh myself until the last day of the month. Not. even. once. and take measurements tomorrow #4 continue to work out each day 40 min on treadmill and 5-10 min on bike #5 begin planning wt training to start in a couple weeks and for sure by Aug 1st
NO DAMN CHEATING UNTIL I REACH GOAL!! I am bigger (no pun intended) than crap food. I would like to lose 8 pounds this month. Goal wt for July 31st.........141 pounds. We shall see.....
BMI and othere random thoughts
Jun 08, 2011
Only 20 more pounds before I have a "normal" weight! I cannot believe that. When one has over 100 lbs to lose, the task can see so daunting. At this point in my journey it actually seems "doable."
In the past I would kill myself for a week (not exactly but you know attempt to diet) and maybe lose one stinkin pound. On the rare occasion I would shop for clothes...nothing ever fit or looked half way decent. It was just easier to eat. Does that make sense? Such a vicious cycle. Depressed, eat, more depressed, eat something else, and so on.
My actual goal is to get down to 120 pounds. Now my ticker says 125 because at my smallest (in hs) I was 135 and remembered thinking "just ten more pds." To get an accurate assessment and not just a "guesstimate", I plan on getting an iDXA scan done in October. This will give me a better picture of what a true/appropriate weight is for my body. At 5'1" one would think under 120lbs would be better but of course we all have different body structure.
One thing I can say for sure....it will be interesting to see where I end up.
6 months out already!!
Jun 06, 2011
Only surgery will help that skin but who knows if I'll ever have the money for that. It's amazing how much more I can eat now compared to just a few months ago. I have allowed more and more junk into my diet. Not good. Usually have a cheat day. Again, not advisable. I really want to make goal so I'm trying very hard to stay under 40 carbs/day. My ultimate goal (I think) is 120 pounds. Hope to make that by my 40th birthday in October.
My hair is still falling out like crazy. I have lost an amazing amt but am not bald yet!
One very important change in my life...I'm working at least 5 days a week and getting stronger everyday. I'm planning on running a 5k this fall. Never thought I'd say that! I walk/jog/run on the treadmill, use my recumbent bike, and ride my bike outside. Life is good!
My personal best thus far
May 16, 2011
I feel like a damn cow!!
May 16, 2011
I'm so afraid of NOT making it to goal. That my friend, is my biggest fear. Being a failure once again. I know I'm not alone but....There are many on OH that have been successful and I want to be one of them. Tomorrow is another day....
Hair, oh haaaaaaaiiirr where are you (going?) PLEASE COME BACK!
Mar 28, 2011
Seriously. No joke. Really. I have (had) thick hair so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. Never expected to be able to see my scalp so clearly in the front/sides. 
Will I be the first bald wt loss surgery patient?? Everyone says otherwise. We shall see. Oh yeah, and Ill be doing a LOT of praying.
Life after VSG (feels so normal now)
Mar 27, 2011
Just about 170 pounds and a size 14! It feels so darn amazing just reading the words. I think I'm starting to look "thin" too. It took me up until a few weeks ago to really notice the change in my appearance. Past pictures are scary!! I knew I looked bad but...wow is all I can manage.
I just started exercising a week ago and it's going great. I feel so much better getting my lazy ass moving. Yes, I am lazy. I hope to become a workout maniac.
Of course I have those crazy feeling that this will be it for me. No more wt loss. It's not comming off fast IMO. Part of that is my problem of course. I cheat. Yep....eating off plan during the losing phase is called just that. Cheating. Nothing even close to my "previous life" but still...I also can eat waaaaaaaaaaay more than most it seems. At this point I'm able to EASILY eat 1/3 cup dense protein plus some salad (or green beans, etc). 1/2 can of tuna and approx 7 All bran crackers and I'm satisfied. I've never vomited but do feel "full" many times. Should I not feel that way?
I've decided it would be best not to comment much to certain people about my wt. I don't want them to feel bad or think I'm "bragging." I want my sil and bestie to succeed but I know how hard it will be for them without a tool.
I am having low blood pressure issues. An example: this afternoon with MIL bp cuff 76/50. Really? I'm tired of course but hell what's new about that? To discuss the MAIN issue in the next post......
11 weeks already and a size 16..woot, woot
Feb 20, 2011
I am starting to feel so much better around others now without being so self conscious. However, things are starting to sag quite a bit (inner thighs especially). Bat wings are so ugly. One thing I'm worried about is losing 100 pounds and still having body image issues d/t loose skin. UGH!!
I'm also begging to have that crazy inner voice feeling that says "no more wt loss for you girlie, this is it." Damn negative demons go away! I just can't imagine getting to 125 pounds. Heck, I've never been that small as an adult or even a teenager for that matter.
I also worry about the amt I can eat. I can definitely eat waaay more than I could a month ago. Eating feels so normal to me now. Too normal at times. I don't always make the best choices and that stresses me out. Especially when I read about vets who "never" cheated. will I succeed? Well obviously that's up to me now isn't it? Sometimes I feel like "wow, I chowed down today" but when I realistically look back it was nothing compared to my "previous life." You know the one before wt loss surgery. So funny how ones prospective changes.
Hope to begin excising tomorrow. Please lazy girl, start working out tomorrow.
