I'm back :o)
Jul 18, 2011
I have got to refocus. I have got to get healthy. This is NOT at all where I saw myself years down the road, as I approached RNY surgery in March 2007. I fantasized while glaring at the before & after photos of others who had gone before me & had great success. I knew I had always sabotaged myself and struggled with following through on anything I had done, but I felt that this was fool proof and that I would pretty much reach my goal weight or at least get close to it. I would just have to work at maintaining it, once I got there.
I couldn't have been any more wrong than that. My journey would be different. I don't know why. I have heard people say that they feel their surgeon didn't "bypass" them enough? I didn't know it was a choice or an option to bypass someone more or less. Besides, I LOVE my surgeon, Dr. Lord, and he did his part. Could he have bypassed me more? Maybe...I am not qualified to say why he did things the way he did. I trusted him. It would not be fair to blame my failure on him. I have to own it.
How did I get here? I set myself up for failure from the beginning. I quit measuring my food. I didn't exercise. I started drinking & eating things I shouldn't. I started drinking with my meals. Not a lot at first, just sips. I felt as if I couldn't do it without drinking water or something. I gave in, instead of staying to what I knew I needed to do.
I had surgery about a month or so after my sis in law and we walked the journey together. She had a lot less to lose and lost it faster. She was also more determined. All of that made me feel like I had failed even more. I never got under 200 lbs and barely got into her size 18's. I pretty much stayed in sizes 20/22. I have a big stomach & wear a big bra. So when everyone else in the support group who had surgery around the same time was shrinking and getting to shop in "regular" sized clothes, reaching onederland, etc... I was struggling. I looked better than I did when I started. I lost a total of 90 lbs. Who wouldn't look better? However, it wasn't where I thought I would be. I hit a stall @ about 8 months and stayed there until a year or so later when I started gaining some of the weight back. The lowest I got was from 298/300 down to 208. Right now I weigh 239. That fluctuates 5lbs both ways as most females know.
I bought Biggest Loser Challenge for the Wii. Did it 1 day, full force & haven't done it again. I don't have the wii board & was waiting till I could buy one... why? Because it would be more accurate. DUH- wouldn't doing it be better than not at all??? I started walking with my brother, sis in law (a different one) and nieces/ nephews/ son. We were doing really well, walking at least 3 days a week, 30 mins a day- then the weather got bad. It rained so much every day at the same time we were going to walk. So instead of walking we played games & snacked. DUH- why??? Because it was easy.
So, where to go from here? I haven't been back to my surgeons office. Never went back for my one year check up. Just decided not to go after reports from other patients came back saying they didn't do anything but weigh you & log your visit. I couldn't really afford the copay right at that time. Since then our med insurance has changed and just started this month. I have a deductible and cannot afford to go right now either. Not an option.
I am downloading Fitness Pal onto my phone. I am going to make a conscious decision to quit drinking before during & after my meals. I want to add in a protein shake or two a day. Start taking my vitamins... start walking, etc...I have great intentions, now can I follow through??? We will see!
It has been a while since I have been here...
Jul 20, 2010
Oct 15, 2008
I do think I have lost a couple of pounds in the last week so maybe it'll start moving again, slowly but surely. I have heard that it'll do that after a long stall. It is hard to tell with what seems to be an ever changing amount of water weight that shows up randomly. Just when I started to celebrate losing 2 lbs it was back the next day and now it is gone again. It is hard to know what to expect.
I am still very thankful for this surgery and I would never want to come across as anything but greatful.
Almost time to go back to work
Jul 23, 2008
Speaking of... we had a dinner yesterday at LaHacienda with everyone from work to honor one of our teachers that is retiring from the program I work in. We were so kindly reminded by our principal that we only have 2 1/2 weeks left until we go back to work....Kind of bring things back to reallity. Of course, I absolutely LOVE my job so in some ways I am excited to get back and meet the new students and in some ways I am really gonna miss sleeping in and naps on the lazy days. I have to start getting us in bed earlier so that I can get use to getting started earlier.
The clown things hasn't worked out this summer. I am going to talk to the guy when we go back to work. He works on base where we are so we see him quite often. I still have a desire to do it so I am going to see it through if I can get some help with it.
I haven't really seen any weight decrease with Jazzercise... however, I have had a couple of people ask how much more weight I had lost so maybe it is an inches thing right now for me. It definitely can't hurt to do it. I went to the track and the school with my hubby & son last week and walked/ jogged 1.25 miles. I would love nothing more than to be able to job 2 miles. I jogged the entire track once, but it was in thirds... jogged 1/3 walked up to where I stopped jogging... jogged the next 1/3 and then walked to where I stopped jogging... jogged the last 1/3. That was an accomplishment in itself for me. I need to make that at least a once a week or twice a week thing. I tell you what, I was soooo sore the next couple of days Jazzercise was almost impossible.
Thanks for reading this & have a great week.
P.S. I went back to edit this post twice because the words are missing spaces between them and I don't know why. When I go back to edit it everything looks fine until I post it so I am sorry for the funky looking post. The spaces really are there.
Jul 07, 2008
I am also still trying to fit in the exercise bike 30 minutes here and there. I was doing it faithfully every day but life happens and that is just how it is. I can't expect perfection right off the bat.
I have been keeping up with most everything I eat still on The Daily Plate.com. I love it. It is really helping me see what I eat and you can get instant input on how many calories you are burning when you do an activity. You can see the impact right away.
My weight has gone up a little since I started exercising and trying to watch things. I am up to 216. I don't fully understand that but I guess those few little leg muscles I have started building are weighing a little more than the fat that was there. I do know that I put on a pair of pants yesterday that fit better across the stomach area which is my major problem area. It'll all work itself out eventually and I will be the size that I need to be to be healthy if I can just keep on keeping on and not focus on what size everyone else is.
Have a great week.
Jun 24, 2008
SAVED? Have you given your life to JESUS??? If you haven't , don't wait any longer. God is calling you.
You may have been close to God at some point in your life but you stepped away. You might feel like He has left you, but you left Him. He never left. He has been calling your name and holding out His hand waiting on you to run back to Him. He is waiting with open arms. He loves you and is CRAZY about you. He has an awesome plan for your life. If you don't do it, no one else can because it is a special plan that he created just for you.
It is easy to accept the free gift of His Son- Jesus. If you have children think for a moment about giving up one of your children (or for me, my only son that we struggled for many years to have). Think about letting your child die for someone else. He did that. If you don't have children yet, one day you will understand the dynamics of what that would mean.
Here is how to accept Him. Simply, believe that He died for you. Say out loud (to God) that you have done wrong but that you accept the forgiveness He is giving you and that you are ready to live your life for Him, at whatever cost it may carry.
Be ready to deny yourself some things that you may enjoy. That sounds hard doesn't it? It is... no one will lie to you and tell you that it isn't. However, the peace and love you get in return is amazing. He will give you joy and happiness that you can't find in any of those things you might have to give up. Although you might not realize it, God has built a hole in you that only He can fill. In our human nature we try to fill it with lots of other things that bring happiness for a moment, but it doesn't last. The reason we have to give up some things in our lives is because we need to live like Jesus did. We will never be perfect like He was but when people in our lives see the changes we have made and the peace we have found they will want to know how they can have that for themselves. If don't make any changes they won't know about what they are missing. That is a big deal for most of us... we can't stand to see someone "Say" they are a Christian but live their life like they always have. Don't think it is about religion, nope- it is about Jesus. That is all. You and God facing life together. Sounds simple... hmmm. Try it and see.
One of the bigger struggles that you will face is forgetting about all of those things you have done in the past. You will remind yourself but God wants you to forget it. He is giving you a fresh start... Once you make this decision, start out by praying (just talk to God like you chat with a friend- it doesn't have to be formal at all) and get close to Him. Learn about him by reading your Bible and your relationship with him will develop. You have to put some effort into it... It is so worth it.
Do it NOW!!! He is waiting on you. This might be your last chance. More importantly... This might be the last chance for someone you know and love to come to Him and you are the person that is suppose to help them find their way to God.
Hey- you know that the moment you get really sick or something happens to someone you love you are going to call on Him anyway, so why not have Him with you everyday instead of just when you need him???
Still no change
Jun 13, 2008
Please don't take this as a negative post. I really and truly and thankful for the changes I have seen. I would do it all over again. I will report back if there are any changes in the near future... you just never know on this journey.
I would like to say this... for the newbies... enjoy the weight loss while it last because at any given moment it could come to a complete hault and it can be very frustrating when you are so used to losing it so fast at first. Don't set your goals too high or you might be let down and most importantly, know that your journey will be your journey. I made the mistake of looking at all of the post ops that have gone from where I was to a size that is at least single digits in a year and now I feel like a failure some days because I am still wearing sizes ranging from 18-22 depending on what it is. My tummy is still huge and I don't know if I will ever see those single digit sizes, I sure do hope so.
Till next time... Oh... on a better note, I am going to train to be a pro. clown this summer. I am soooo excited about that.
Dec 27, 2007
I have not been faithful to follow rules like I should. Things that I know I should be doing, but don't- mostly because I get busy. I have been better the past few days (getting my protein in) and the weight loss has started again. I am now down to 210 so I have lost about 5 lbs in a week. I guess the protein intake really does affect the weight loss. As I have said a lot lately, this is not brain surgery. It doesn't change your willpower... it doesn't make you do things correctly. You still have to force yourself to make the right choices. I am off work until Jan 7th, since I work for the school board. I figured this is the best time for me to work on developing the habits I should have developed months ago. I am just over 9 months out and I should have lost a lot more by now. I have lost 88 lbs. On a positive note, I have lost more than I have left to lose to meet my goal of 130 lbs...
I am still in a size 20 with the exceptions of some 18's and some 22's. My tummy is still big so that keeps me out of a lot of the smaller sizes. Of course I can still fit into some 24's loosely and belts are my best friend these days. I couldn't even find a belt to fit me before.
I am really thankful for this journey.
Aug 26, 2007
I started a new job on August 16th. I am an ESE Teacher Assistant and I work with students 18-21. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new job. I loved my other job because I had the privelege of working with beautiful babies, but it was only 12 hours a week. I love the students I work with and I get to be with them all day, Mon-Fri. It is so much fun.
I had a couple of different schools that I thought I was going to get on with and when they didn't work out I was very dissapointed. I began to think that this just wasn't God's timing for me and at the last minute (on my timeline, not on God's of course) this job worked out. It is so perfect for me and is going to be a huge burden off of us financially. What is crazy about this is that I almost took matters into my own hands, instead of waiting on God. I was going the day I got the call that they were hiring me, to put in my application for a position at a local hospital. If I had gotten that job I would have missed out not only on the blessing of working with these awesome students & staff, but also on the blessing of being off with my son on holidays and in the summer. Just one more time in my life that God showed me that I can trust Him with everything. I am so thankful for this.
I will check in again, probably after my 6 month check up with Dr. Lord next month. They will do bloodwork then and I will see where I stand with all of that. I am a little worried about the slow weight loss & that they will think I am not where I should be with everything, but maybe between now and my appointment the weight loss will pick back up. I sure hope so.
Aug 03, 2007
I may have mentioned this in previous posts but I decided to make a short entry about it anyway. I would read profiles on here while I was pre-op and even early post-op and hear people talk about the different labels, for example SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE vs MORBIDLY OBESE vs OBESE, etc... and the excitement in their posts when they changed categories. I have been kind of watching my BMI by using the BMI calculator on here. That is a very neat tool. Ok... today I weighed 225 (Of course adding the 4 lbs for Dr. Lord's scale as always) and I did the BMI tool and it showed me in the OBESE category now... Man, I have come from the SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE to just being OBESE. That is great. If I figured it right I won't change categories again until I am at 169 or so and then I will just be OVERWEIGHT. What a feeling.
Oh, and only 26 more lbs and I will be under 200 and 95 lbs until I reach goal. I have lost 73 lbs. Woo hoo. Yesterday Eddy (hubby) brought me some clothes that one of his customers sent to me. Some of the pants (jeans) are size 18. I can get them on and almost zip/ buttoned. Just a little more to go and it looks like I will be there. My tummy is still big and that is what is keeping me from wearing some of them. My girls (up top) are keeping me out of some smaller sized shirts. Once I get better proportioned being bigger up there won't bother me as much. I am gonna be ONE HOT MOMMA!!! hahahahaha