Jenkatmom L.
So here it is -
Fat from childhood, typical always picked in the last 4 or 5 for the sports teams (thankfully never last that I can remeber), did not make the cheerleading squad, and no boyfriends until highschool. I did have other interests like 4H, horses, getting good grades, and working odd jobs to save up for a car. The one very fortunate thing is that my parents never called me fat or put me down. I was always told I was beautiful (which I am) and that if people had a problem it was their problem. I am thankful for that. I hear horror stories of people being put down all the time by their parents.
In one respect the only downfall to always being told you are beautiful by your parents is that when I look in the mirror I do not see a fat person, I see a pretty woman.
In 1981 or so, I realized I was really fat one day trying on clothes and had mirrors all around. I could not believe how wide my hips were. Shortly after that we were at an amusement park and the lap belt would not fit around me so I could not ride the ride. I was devastated. When we returned from the vacation, I reseached WLS surgery and had a "stomach stappling" because it was the only procedure being done at the time. I had no complications and went from 290 to 190 in about a year. I was happy. Then slowly the weight came back. This was because the procedure had not been perfected and because I was young, my stomach stretched back to the regular size very early on. And then, of course, the diet yo-yo started all over again. Everything out there I tried. The money I have wasted on gimicks, programs, etc. could have almost paid for the DS that I am now paying for out of pocket!
So here I am 25 years later back up to 295. So far my health is good. My family doc says "You are the healthiest fat person I know. Your blood work is even better than mine. I do however worry about your joints and what will happen in a few years."
It got me thinking - what will happen in a few years? Things will probably start to go south. Unfortunately I have a high deductible insurance plan and I do not qualify for WLS because my BMI is 44 and they say it has to be over 50 before they will even consider it. Even with the insurance my out of pocket expenses would be somewhere around 20K and lots of BS and hoops to jump through.
So - after alot of research, I am going to Mexico to have Dr. Ungson do my revision surgery to a DS the end of November.
I am not telling a single person that I am going. Everyone thinks I am going to a conference. I need to do it this way so I can concentrate on myself because my circle of friends are very nosey and the gossip train travels like wildfire. I will tell my family when I return. I have arranged a private nurse for after surgery so I will be fine.
It is kind of strange that the only people who will know are all my supporters here at OH and those who read my posts. I can't express my gratitude enough to all you guys. It really helps to be able to talk with someone who has gone through this and understands.
My biggest concern is that if I die (which I don't expect to happen), my family will be sad. I have written each of them a letter and will bring the letters with me. If anything happens, I will have the letters sent to them. All my arrangements have been made with travel insurance, Neptune society, etc. so it is full speed ahead and I have no worries.
I cannot wait to be on the losers bench and spend the rest of my life healthy. I know this is the right thing to do even though I have no comorbidities. I know that if nothing is done, the problems the weight will cause as I get older will only get worse.
Wish me luck everyone!
Lori
