jenn227
What a difference a week makes.
Jan 27, 2013
I had an appointment with my GI doctor last Friday, mainly to schedule a colonoscopy and to discuss my continuing high cholesterol and fatty liver. I last saw him about 2 years ago and he recommended that I lose weight. This diagnosis reduced me to tears back then, because I have been in a constant battle with my weight for YEARS. I have done WW, I have done SB, I have bought several exercise programs, I have bought a treadmill and I have joined a gym. The most weight I have lost has been 25 lbs, and then I stall and cannot lose anymore. Then I wind up getting frustrated and put the weight back on. I am not a stupid person and I am not a lazy person, but I cannot lose this weight. This weight is actually killing me, slowly but surely. I have at least 100 lbs to lose, now I have diabetes, high BP, high cholesterol and fatty liver disease. WTH. I am only 44 (almost 45) years old. Every visit with my GP makes me feel like a failure and I HATE getting on that scale, because even when I am in my zone of eating right and exercise, I cannot make that scale go down. Ugh.
I was dreading this GI visit, because I obviously have not lost the recommended weight and now my health problems have gotten worse. Then the doctor said something that reduced me to tears again, but this time tears of shock and relief. He said he wanted me to go for a consultation with a Bariatric Surgeon. He went on to say that based on my stats and my history, I was someone that can be saved. He said I do not have to be a sad story of someone who winds up dying early or having their foot amputated due to diabetes or other health problems. My head was spinning, but I felt a little bit of that constant dread lift off of my shoulders. There might be something out there that can help me finally get control of my health and my weight.
I have been online more or less non-stop since then. I started making my appointment for my informational class (this upcoming Friday) and then checked out the surgeon's website. I Googled Bariatric Weight Loss Surgery and started researching the 3 main types: banding, bypass and the sleeve. I visited forums and groups and found this awesome website! I have become 100% convinced that the sleeve surgery can change my life, and I am praying that my insurance will cover this procedure. I am trying not to make myself crazy thinking about what if's at this point; I will go to that original meeting and find out my options.
I have also become very aware of the other aspects of this weight loss journey. I will definitely need psychological help to prevent me from my current eating disorder. I used to smoke, alot! And I used to reward myself for getting through my crazy, chaotic days by smoking and talking on my phone at the end of the night. That was my "me" time, my reward. Since I stopped smoking, I have definitely transferred that "reward" to snacking on carbs and wine. My rewards..but why do I need to stick something in my mouth to be rewarded!! Ok, that sounds dirty, lol. But that is definitely something I need to examine and change.
So I am trying to get through this week, hopeful but not too anxious (because I of course snack more then!). I started tracking my meals and exercise on this site (finally cancelling my WW account. I have been working AROUND my points for years now) and have started a journal, mainly questions for the surgeon.
I was trying to imagine what I could transfer as my reward...what do I like to do? One thing I really enjoy is to write. So I have a thought that I might try blogging instead of snacking at night. I have no idea if this will fulfill my oral fixation, but I can try!
I am now at the beginning of my journey, instead of struggling through to the end. That is such a huge difference in how I have been feeling, literally for years, that I know that I am starting on a better path.
