I need to find a new PCP...

Dec 29, 2008

Today was miserable... I had to go to me PCP to get a letter for my surgeon saying I didn't have any history of Cardiovascular or Pulomonary issues... now I knew from the beginning this would be tough. A small background on my pcp... I have been trying to find a new one for several years... had one sorta but she was not a nice person.. but I went to my old doctor because he had the most records... He is not very competent and honestly he is a jackass for lack of a better lable. When I was 17 my old obgyn had me get bloodwork done and found out I was insulin resistant and sent me to my regular doctor to check it out... well when I went in he complained that it wasnt my obgyn's job to get blood work for me over my blood sugar levels and then he said "what is insulin resistance anyway? I dont think that is real".... What the heck????? Is he seriously? My mom and I both did research on that after the blood tests came back and that was everywhere and he was saying it wasn't real??? Also my grandmother passed away over the summer from cancer of the lymphnoids (sp?)... she had aparently been sick for a LONG time and she went into his office all the time and he never ever caught her cancer... now my grandmother was in her mid 80's and she was ready to see Jesus... but the thing that makes my family upset is not that she died but that she was sick for so long with this cancer and he never caught it...ever. It was the hospital who caught it after my grandmother had her 3rd fainting spell in a month. He just isn't a good doctor... and he is a jerk. He's very opinionated and if you don't agree with him too bad because of COURSE he is right!
Well when I went in today... i have to say I HATE HATE HATE talking about my weight... it is hard for me to leave the house I feel so bad about myself...I had things thrown at me when I was a kid because of my weight... picked on harshly... its just bad... and after losing the weight before and having it back on and then some, my weight is a major problem for me.. and it just hurts to really talk about it when someone doesn't understand... well he was asking why I was getting the surgery and so on... then he started attacking me. He said I was addicted to food and that there is no way I could have gotten this heavy without being addicted to food and that I think this surgery is a magic fix... ok now he came to this conclusion without even talking to me for more than a second about my decision.. AND I saw him ONCE when I had lost my weight... he doesn't even know how well I maintained my weight before I got pregnant. Maintaining weight isn't really that hard for me... its losing it... and that comes from my WHOLE FAMILY having weight issues. I wanted to cry... at least I got what I needed... but he kept compairing me to an alcoholic and that surgery isn't a magic fix and I need to realize that... well duh! I know I will have to try.. but at least its a tool that will help me get the weight off and develope new ways to eat... I understand being addicted to food is a real thing and that people really do struggle with it. I, however, don't. Right now I am making bad choices... mostly because I have a tendency to have an attitude of surrender when things go very very wrong... I have a hard time fighting for myself because I have had to fight my entire life in ever aspect. Who wants to "diet" when no results are happening? or happening slower than slow. Also I LOVE to be active... but my weight, which came on while I was pregnant and on bed rest... couldnt be active, makes my knees buckle under me. It is like I sat down and when I would stand again I was 50lbs heavier! That would destory anyones ability to be active! It is just SOOO frustrating and painful for him to sit there and tell me I have an addiction when he has no idea of who I am or anything.. I don't have an addictive personality... oh let me also say that he is far from being to his ideal weight as well... I am just so upset. I wont ever have to see him again now that this is done and I can go get a new doctor but it was upsetting for him to attack me no matter what I would tell him. At one point I even said "DO you want to call my husband and find out howmy behavior with food really is??" My husband called him an ass... Tim, the hubby, finishes my meals MOST of the time! AND he is still hungry after... and if you've seen the pictures... I have a tiny husband! lol So yeah... BLAH!!!!!!! Doctors suck... I hate cockey doctors.

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