Am I Really Hungry?

Feb 07, 2012

 My sons’s peanut butter crackers are calling my name. They say, “come on, we’re a light snack you can count us as your breakfast!” But I already had a mint cookie protein shake for breakfast, I argue. Their taunts continue, “So you had a big dose of protein, have a little more, the carbs aren’t that bad, besides, we taste good and we’ll make you feel better.” Ah, the crux of the problem! I want to eat because I feel terrible. Not emotionally, I’m in a lot of physical pain and I’m gritting my teeth trying to get through it. I have a Bartholin’s cyst, my fourth one in six months. I’m on a very high dose of antibiotics and it’s already been drained once, my next appointment is in a couple days. Walking is okay as long as I don’t wear pants or undies, those are torture. I have a  desk job and even with a donut I can’t find a comfortable position. So why you might ask, am I writing this instead of huddling in bed in with some Advil? As I mentioned I have a desk job and I’m running reports at the moment and need to distract myself, and I can’t take Advil, I’ve had gastric bypass surgery. The doctor who drained the cyst last week was well aware of that and told me to just take Tylenol. Insert hysterical laughter here. Tylenol doesn’t even touch this. Okay I’ve made another appointment, they’ll see me this afternoon. I was holding out until the pain of the cyst was greater than the pain of the needles/scalpels/catheters needed for draining. I’m now at that point. Haven’t touched the evil peanut butter crackers yet either, I’m pretty proud of myself, though the nausea which accompanies the pain helps more than me hiding the food from my eye-line.

What’s the point of this? to bitch about the unfairness of my cyst? Nope. I had to distract myself and work around the deeply ingrained belief that food makes everything better. Guess what? I’m there! I’ll eat a proper meal in 45 minutes instead.



About Me
Harpers Ferry, WV
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Oct 21, 2010
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