Jennifer M.

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I am 6 months out from my RNY.  I have lost 64 pounds.  I've lost 4 of those pounds in the past 8 weeks.  I have stayed away from this site because I didn't want to bring anyone down since everyone is doing exceptionally well with their diets, water, vitamins and exercise.

For the past 8 weeks, I have slowed way down on the exercise, not drinking nearly enough water, hardly ever take my vitamins and eating A LOT!  Unfortunately, I am able to eat sweets and fat with no problem at all.  I'm lactose intolerant thought since the surgery.  I certainly don't eat as much as I did before my surgery, but I do eat more than what I did a month after surgery.  I tend to get so full, I'm incredibly uncomfortable.  I know I'm stretching out my pouch.  My self destruction is beyond my comprehension. 

I do feel amazing about myself compared to how I felt before the surgery.  I've gone down 4 sizes, but stuck at a size 16.  I still have 48 pounds to go until my goal weight.  I've even been dating a little.  I didn't date at all for the past 3 1/2 yrs while I was at my heaviest.  But, I do know I'm still considered quite overweight and most men do prefer a more in shape woman.  I don't blame them at all.

Not sure what it would take to snap myself out of this funk.  Not sure why I'm so into sabatoging my own well being and physical appearance.

I'm so embarassed to even type all of this.  Again, I do not want to bring anyone else down, but if there is anyone else going through the same thing as me, then please let me know.

I should post some updated pics too. 

I've lost 45 lbs in just about 3 months.  Sounds great, except I've only lost 2 of those pounds in 3 weeks.   ReallY?  A plateau already?  Ughhhhhhhhh.  I think that I'm nibbling on to many carbs.  When I get home, I grab a small handful of Cheez Its.  Or I have some baked potato chips.  I've even had a couple cookies over that 3 weeks.  Hmph!  Maybe I'm not dropping as fast as I should cause I'm eating stuff I'm not supposed to.  Maybe typing this down will make me see the light?  I've been really stressed out with my sons football league.  I'm a board member and the team mgr.  Somehow, someway, I managed to let other people throw some of their task onto my lap.  I'm sure strangling them will make me feel MUCH better, but I'm sure there's lots of carbs in jail, so I should avoid that.  I've been to the gym twice since I last posted.  I'm needed at the field where I'm pulled into 20 different directions at once.  Awwwwwwwwww..........I'm so needed.  NOT!!  Anyway, here I am writing this blog to vent a little baout what my life is like 1 day shy of my 3 month post op. I eat everything except for eggs, hotdogs, hamburger patty.  They all get "stuck" .  Maybe not stuck, but that's what it feels like.  And its terrible.  I did learn to like the taste of red onion and cucumber though!  YAY!  I'm frustrated that I've only lost 2 pounds in 3 weeks.  Sorta makes me feel like I did before the surgery where I would eat low calories, low fat.  Exercise 4 days a week and then only lose 3 pounds in a month.  It's so incredibly discouraging.  I'm fitting into a size 18 now.  A little snug, but I can wear them without too much of a muffin top!!  I've gotten lots of compliments.  That's quite the ego booster!!  I have noticed my behind area has gotten pretty darn flabby.  I tend to squish it a lot when I'm walking around in my undies.  Which is not often, just when I'm in the middle of getting dressed.  My boobs are getting smaller.  That's not always a plus.  At least not for me.  And they're starting to look like empty socks.  YIKES!  I did make an appt with my Nutritionalist next week.  I'm hoping she will scold me and make me fill out one of them meal logs.  I have an appt with my surgeon in a few weeks.  According to the weight loss schedule on this obsesityhelp site, I'm about 10 pounds behind schedule.  That stinks!  Anyway, I'm hoping to knock off my self sabatoge soon and get back to the proptein, lots of water and exercising soon!!

I had hoped from the very beginning that I would suffer severse "dumping" from any sugar intake.  For the past month or so, I've been kind of testing myself.  It started with a teaspoon of real sugar in my coffee.  It went down fine.  3 weeks ago, I tried baked beans.  The kind with brown sugar. I was fine.  2 weeks ago, I tried a friends flavored creamer (you know....the french vanilla CoffeeMate stuff?) in my coffee.  It went down fine.  On saturday, it was my sons birthday.  I ate 1/2 a cupcake!!!!!!!  AND I WAS FINE!!  SHIT BALLS!!  Last night, I ate 1/2 a cookie and prayed that I would get sick.  Nothing!!  Now, I have all of this fear that I will go back to my old eating habits.  I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but I honestly feel like I failed in that dept.  I'm not supposed to be able to handle sugar like that.  Now there is 1 other thing I'm scared about.  I'm able to get more down than I was a month after surgery.  it's been a little over 2 months, but I noticed I can eat more now.  Is my stomach seriously stretching out??  I know this surgery is a tool and it won't "fix" my issues, but I really need to kick myself in the ass and get a grip.  Someone smack me!!  Lately, I have been nibbling on chips and bread and stuff like that I'm not supposed to eat.  My weigh in days are fridays, but I did get on the scale today and lost 2 lbs since this past friday, so it's not like I'm gaining.  I just need to get a grip.  I'm having a bit of a panic attack and need to focus.  I know what I need and what to do to get back in control.  And now is the time to do it! I can't let myself spiral out of control like I did before.  For the past month or so, my son started up football again for the 5th season (he just turned 11yrs old).  This is always a busy time. Practices are 5 days a week 5:30-7:30pm.  I'm a board member of the entire league (Santee Ravens) plus my sons team manager (pee wee).  I have been so freaking busy with that stuff.  Plus being a single mom who works fulltime.  Luckily, when I'm at the field, I'm so busy with parents, coaches and the other 28 team managers, I haven't sat down for more than 5 mins in a single day.  I do get a ton of walking in.  However, things have settled down some.  I have trained all the team mgrs on what to do and how to manage their teams.  The best thing ever is our fields share the same parking lot as the YMCA!!  I just so happen to have a gym membership there!  Of course I haven't gone in 7 months, but hello??  I can park my car where my son can go his way to the practice field and I can go the other way to the gym.  Now that I'm not needed as much at the field, I will spend time going to the gym.  My daughter just turned 12, so she can now go to the gym with me which she needs to do from sitting around all summer long.  So, because I was so darn consumed with football, I haven't had a minute to focus on ME!  I need to realize that in order to be successful, I need to put myself FIRST!  I know I'm needed at the field.  I know people rely on me.  But we have 10 board members.  FOOTBALL WILL BE FINE while I spend at least 3 days a week at the gym!!  WAIT!!  Starting this week, practices go down to 4 days a week cause our games start on saturday.  So, I can still go to the gym 3 of those days, cause I will only be an hour.  Then I can still spend an hour at the field.   But, I will make sure I go to the gym for the first hour.  otherwise, I will never be able to leave the field early.  YES!  I will do that.  Wow!  Typing this all down has helped.  I didn't bring my football binder with me to work.  Usually, I'm working on football stuff.  And lately, I haven't gotten much work done. And between football and work, I've lost touch with myself.  Okay, time to re-prioritize (spelling??).  Me first. I know what I have to do.  I can't lose touch with myself.  Time to get back on track!  Oh shoot!!!  I should really get back to work too.  Yikes.  I got caught up here.  But, time to go.  I feel better.  I will write again soon.  It seems like its helped the past couple of times. 

So, pretty much just moving along here.  I'm down 36 pounds at 2 months post-op.  Still losing a little slower than the average (in my opinion).  But, I'm losing and its all good.  I'm at a solid size 20 from a 26.  Seriously, I can't complain.  I took my 2 month post op pictures last night (I will take them on the 11th of everymonth to show progress).  There is definitely a difference.  I should post them, but kind of embarrassed which is kinda dumb.  We're all on here for the same exact reason.  It's not like I'm going to post them for Playboy magazine. 

Anyway, I'm really busy with work.  My youngest son just started youth football.  I'm a board member and his team manager so I have been a very busy girl.  At practice, I I'm running around constantly.  Practices are 2 hrs long, 5 days a week.  That is where the majority of my excercise comes from.  But, I'm serious when I say I'm running around the entire time.  It will slow down once things get more organized.  We have 300 kids this year and we're just really busy making sure all kids, coaches and other staff have everything in.  Plus, I take a morning and afternoon walk on my breaks at work.  They are only approx 1/3 mile each walk, but it's something!

Food has become an issue for me. Again.  I'm starting to crave things.  I will have a bite of something I really want, but never more than that and I dont do that very often.  I still think about food all the time.  But I also think about my weight loss all the time.  In fact, it's constantly on my mind.  I do crave salty types of foods.  I eat nuts a lot to help the craving, but I want chips.  I have had quite a few the past couple of weeks at bbq's and stuff, but not to many.  I have learned that I cannot eat a hamburger patty (even a couple bites), hotdogs, or any other weird types of meat.  They get stuck and i'm terrible sick for about an hour.  Like I'm in tears nauseous.  I have been doing terrible at getting all of my water and vitamins in.  I'm such a busy single mom, I tend to forget about me even though my weight loss is always on my mind.

I know I still have 77 pounds to go, and sometimes even that's depressing, but I can say without a doubt, that I am happier than I have been in a long time!  I always knew my depression came from being fat.  I know it's wrong to base my happiness on my weight, but I did.  I was so miserable.  I hated myself.  I was so embarrased.  I still don't date outside of a "special" friend I've had for a couple years.  He loves me regardless of what I look like, but he also has a weight problem and I can't get passed that.  I'm hoping he will do better, and I think he tries, but I notice he does no exercising at all unless I get him to do it with me.  Again, he's like my best friend.  He wants the whole package with me, but I don't feel the same way.  I love him as a friend.  And I like "dating" him, but I can't bring myself to feel anything more. 

So, wow!  I just vented a lot of what's on my mind.  I may do this more often.  I really need to get back to work.

I have been reading other people's blogs and seems my weight loss is a lot slower that everyone else!  What the heck is that about?  I'm eating what I'm supposed to, when I'm supposed to and walking almost everyday.  I'm down 31lbs to 236 which of course is better than nothing or even gaining!  I definitely feel the difference in my clothes.  I'm down to a 22/20 from 24, so I'm happy about that.  I just don't get how most people are down 45+ lbs at this point.  Frustrating!  Other than that, I feel great.  Food has taken a different role in my life for sure.  Now I make myself eat something.  It pretty much all tastes the same, so I pick something that is rich in protein.  Sure I get cravings every now and then, and when I do, if its not sugar, then I allow myself 3 or 4 bites.  Some things don't go down as smooth as other things.  Usually eggs go down fine, butI just ordered a scrambled egg off the lunch truck and YUCK, I took 3 bites with the 3rd feeling like its stuck.  I really need to work on being more consience of having a drink of water after exercising.  If I take more than 2 gulps, I get nauseous.  I have not experienced dumping as of yet.  I have not thrown anything up yet, although I have sat with a pot on my lap wishing and praying I would throw up from eating something too fast.  I've done that twice and pretty darn sure I learned my lesson!  Other than my frustrations of slow weight loss, things are going well.

Sheesh! Time is flying by. I have been pain free for about 12 days now!!  YAY!!  I thought for sure there was something wrong with me.  I went back to work last tuesday and feel great except for the fact that I have to get up so darn early.  I got used to sleeping in!  So far, I have lost 26 lbs.  I'm happy with what I've lost, but also a teeny tiny discouraged because it seems a few of my online support friends had their surgery AFETR me and have lost MORE weight than me!  What gives?  But, it all comes down to we're all different I suppose.  I did drop a clothing size.  I'm down to a 22 and in another 10 lbs should be in a size 20.  People are starting to notice the weight loss in my face.  Life is good.  I am eating all foods except for hotdogs and hamburger patties that just don't go down the right way.  I have not "dumped" as of yet.  I have had things with a little sugar like a graham cracker and regular peanut butter.  I have completely stayed away from any sweets cause I'm too scared of that dumping thing.  My sister knows a girl who had gastric bypass and when she went through the dumping thing the first time, she called 911 on herself.  Kinda funny.  But, kinda not too.  I have been doing some walking but not every single day for miles like I should be.  More like 3-4 times a week for 1-2 miles.  At least it's something, but I do need to step it up since I'm feeling so much better.  My house is surrounded by "Mission Trails" where there are a hundred different trails in the surrounding area.  That's all the exciting things going on right now!

3 1/2 weeks since surgery!  I haven't created a blog in a while because I wasn't a very happy camper the past couple of weeks.  Seems like the pain was staying the same in some areas and getting worse in other areas.  2 weeks ago, I started getting a shooting pain about an inch to the left of my belly button.  It felt like there was a pocket knife in there and when I bent over or sneezed, that knife would slice through my muscle and whatever organ is in that area.  I had my post-op and the Dr said it was "normal", but perhaps a little worse because I was doing chores.  Luckily, I have been feeling better since this weekend, but I spent many days crying wondering if this was ever going to go away.  I'm still having some pain, but nowhere near as bad.  I wasn't able to drive or even sit at the computer because that involves some bending.  I was not able to pick stuff up off the floor.  Putting on my pants took time and brought the sharp pain worse than ever.  My 11-yr old daughter had to shave my left leg for me which was quite funny.  I was hoping to get back to work today, but I'm not quite ready since sitting at the computer is still a little painful.  At work, I will be sitting there for 8 hrs.  UGHHHHH!

ANYWAY......I'm 21 pounds down.  I'm just now noticing the difference in the way my clothes are fitting.  YAY!  I'm on most foods now except for rough foods like steak and salads.  Everything has stayed down so far.  I have not experienced "dumping" as of yet.  Trying to consume approx 70 grams of protein a day is definitely a challenge.  I'm on 2 protein shakes a day and still finding it hard to get the rest of the 30 grams of protein in.  I can only get in about a 1/2 of a scrambled egg at a time, however I can get the whole thing in if I take about 40 mins to eat it.  It's so strange how I get so darn full!!  I have been sucking at getting all of my water in AND all of my vitamins.  I know this is imperative to my health, so I really need step up and get those in!

I have been walking.  Just slow walks with no hills.  This actually makes my pain feel a little better cause I can stretch a little.  I have not gotten on my hands and knees to scrub the floors like I did 2 weeks ago. No vacuuming, no heavy lifting.  Just the easy stuff.  The kids have been helping out a lot more.

Okay!  My gut is aching bad at this point, so I'm done with this blog!

Really?  11 days already?  Wow!  Time crawled by waiting for that surgery day to get here.

I weighed myself 4 days ago.  It was exactly 1 week post op.  I had lost 11 pounds.  I have not gotten on the scale since because I don't want to become obsessed with it.  I will weigh myself every friday.

For the past week, I have not been able to stick to the "stage 2" diet my Dr had me on.  I was hungry and getting really tired of the protein shakes.  I did cheat and tried a little mashed potaotes, some mashed sugar free canned peaches, mashed canned carrots and mashed cottage cheese.  It felt totally fine.  Of course I didn't want to screw myself up or go totally againsy my Dr's orders, so it was only about a tsp of each thing.  Since it all seemed to be fine, I called my Dr and talked to the nurse.  She gave me the green light to keep on going and try anything super soft, sugar free, and preferably protien-rich.  Yesterday I had a scrambled egg mixed with skim milk.  I could only eat half before I was FULL!!  Last night I had about 2 tbls of fat-free refried beans w/ low fat melted cheese and 1 tbsp of mashed avocado.  YUMMY!!  Ate almost all of it, but not quite.  I am still eating with a baby sppon, which has really helped controlling my bite sizes.

All is going well. I have spent the past 3 days taking my dog on a mile long walk.  No pain meds in 3 days.  The pain I was having on my left side only gets uncomfortable if I do to much.

I am finally having someone come in tomorrow to take a look at this slow-ass computer!!  Then, I can mingle with my new OH support friends more often!  I feel terrible not being able to extend as much support to them as they have to me.

2 days ago, I started having more than usual pain on my left side.  Even though the rest of my abdomen has been healing to the point I hardly ever have pain, my left side has really been bothering me.  I grew a little more concerned by this morning because it is not getting any better at all so called the Dr to ask about it.  Apparently, this is totally normal!  PHEW!  What a relief.  He said this is the side where there are sutures.  I then did a little research on OH and it's actually quite common.  Seems the left side is where most of the work is done and it will take a couple weeks (maybe longer) to get better.  Boy, am I relieved!

2 days ago I ALSO noticed that I'm starving!!!!!!  Ugh!!!!  The protein shakes have helped for the most part, but not enough!!  I don't get to start "stage 3" diet until this coming monday which is pureed foods.  Well, I cheated and for the past 2 days, I have had 2 tbls of mashed potatoes!!!  I mashed them with ONLY nonfat milk and a little salt and pepper.  I'm allowed to have skim milk at this point anyway.  I was a little nervous at first.  I took the tiniest bites at first.  Oh wow, did it taste good!!  I actually ate the 2 tbls with a baby spoon and ate it really slow.  My new stomach did great!  And I was full!!!  No problems at all.  I have done the same thing yesterday and today.  I will not push it though!!  I'm just hungry as heck!!  Of course I'm drinking my water and keeping up with the protein shakes.  I have also had some SF pudding which I mix with nonfat milk and even add a little protein powder.  I am allowed to have this as well.  I only eat about 2 tbls and that's all I need.  I've also had the plain greek yogurt which is gross so I sweetened it a bit with Splenda.  Not too bad now!

I still have not had a BM!  What the heck? I have been taking the Colace twice a day since I got home from the hospital.  I asked the Dr about that too today.  He said not to worry, it will come but said I could take some Milk of Magnesia.  I ran out and bought it right away!  Man!!  Gross me out!!  Oh, well!  I was really hoping to do this before my weekly weigh in tomorrow morning!!!!  I'm soooooooo excited!!!  I will certainly be posting a blog as soon as I can after that!!

Weird, I posted a blog from my phone yesterday, but I don't see it here!  WTH?  Anyway........I made it home!!!  They released me after a total of 35 hours from check in early friday morning.  I got home about 5:30pm yesterday.  Everything went beautifully!!  The surgeon said the surgery went exceptionally well!  I'm sore, but they have me on percocet.  It's really only my laproscopic sites that are sore.  The Dr said they were like stab wounds.  They go right through the muscle and no doubt that's what is really sore.  The morphine drip they had me until yesterday (1 day pre-op) was AWESOME!!
I'm a little out of it, so I'm not sure how this blog will turn out.  I feel like there is so much to tell, but not sure who wants to hear what.  LOL!!

So, I got to the hospital early friday morning (5:30am).  They asked a few questions, got me changed into my gown and non-slip socks.  They took some vitals and by 6:30, they were taking me to the pre-op room where I would also go right after surgery for recovery.  There, they put on my "stockings" that I would wear throughout my stay to help with blood flow to avoid blood clots.  The anethesiologist came in and we discussed what his role was. He was so nice and apparently has done 28,000 patients.  He was an older gentleman, and so nice!   He then started hooking up my IV.  Then a O.R. Nurse came in and introduced herself to me and talked to me a while then asked a few questions.  Then the surgeon came in and talked to me.  Then the anethesiologist came back with a shot that he called my "margarita".  Wow!  A few maragaritas!!  They then wheeled me into the O.R.  Wow!!  I've seen them on TV quite a few times, but never like that!  I was then given another shot that they called a "stronger margarita". 

Next thing I know, I was waking up in recovery.  My surgery lasted 1 hour and 40 mins, which is kinda short.  They the wheeled me up to my room at about 10:30.  I remember waking up in quite a bit of pain, so they "upped" my pain meds right away.

I was lucky cause I got my own room and a beautiful view of the Torrey Pines gold course!! 

My mom and my sister were there to greet me.  The nurses hooked me up to the IV with the morphine drip, put on these foot massager tyhings and an oxygen thing taped to my finger.  At this point I had a catherter and a drainage tube coming from my stomach.

Naturally, I don't remember much.  The nurses were incredible!  I got nothing to eat or drink (Um, a few ice chips snuck their way in though).  I had a few visitors and tried staying awake for them, but no luck at all.

By 7:00om, I asked to take a walk.  I had to use a walker, but managed to walk a short distance 2 times that evening!!

Yesterday was my 1 day post-op.  The pain was still there for sure, but I had my drip that I could press every 6 mins to release some morphine.  They did come in about 5:00am to take blood.  I walked about 6 times without the walker and a farther distance each time.  They took out the catheter early morning and then the drainage tube came out later.  They brought me broth, SF jello and a no calorie Powerade.  The Dr came in about 8:00am and said I would be leaving around 2:00, but then my blood work came back and I was a tiny bit low on magnesium, so they had to put me on a drip that would take a couple hours longer.  By 4:00, they started the discharge.  They gave 3 prescriptions (Percoset for pain, Colace for constipation, and Prilosec for heartburn)

My first night home was just fine.  I slept 7 hrs straight except for a couple times I woke up trying to turn over.  No problem at all.  I woke up at 6:00 this morning and took my Colace and Percocet, and washed them down with 2 very small sips of Crystal Light which gave me the worse heatrtburn ever!!  At 7:00, I had to call my surgeon to find out what I could do.  It was so bad.  He had me take a Prilosec.  It got a little better, but really didn't totally go away for a couple hours.  He said today I didn't have to force liquids, but tomorrow I would have to push them for sure and if it was still a problem, I had to go see him tomorrow.  Now I am on just water and it seems to be fine.  I did have broth and a SF popsicle and did just fine with that.

WOW!!!!  I am so drained right now from typing all of this.  And pretty sore too.  NAP TIME!! 

Hope all of you are doing well!  I will get back on later tonight if you have any questions!!