OH NO!! I can eat sugar!! :(

Aug 23, 2010

I had hoped from the very beginning that I would suffer severse "dumping" from any sugar intake.  For the past month or so, I've been kind of testing myself.  It started with a teaspoon of real sugar in my coffee.  It went down fine.  3 weeks ago, I tried baked beans.  The kind with brown sugar. I was fine.  2 weeks ago, I tried a friends flavored creamer (you know....the french vanilla CoffeeMate stuff?) in my coffee.  It went down fine.  On saturday, it was my sons birthday.  I ate 1/2 a cupcake!!!!!!!  AND I WAS FINE!!  SHIT BALLS!!  Last night, I ate 1/2 a cookie and prayed that I would get sick.  Nothing!!  Now, I have all of this fear that I will go back to my old eating habits.  I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but I honestly feel like I failed in that dept.  I'm not supposed to be able to handle sugar like that.  Now there is 1 other thing I'm scared about.  I'm able to get more down than I was a month after surgery.  it's been a little over 2 months, but I noticed I can eat more now.  Is my stomach seriously stretching out??  I know this surgery is a tool and it won't "fix" my issues, but I really need to kick myself in the ass and get a grip.  Someone smack me!!  Lately, I have been nibbling on chips and bread and stuff like that I'm not supposed to eat.  My weigh in days are fridays, but I did get on the scale today and lost 2 lbs since this past friday, so it's not like I'm gaining.  I just need to get a grip.  I'm having a bit of a panic attack and need to focus.  I know what I need and what to do to get back in control.  And now is the time to do it! I can't let myself spiral out of control like I did before.  For the past month or so, my son started up football again for the 5th season (he just turned 11yrs old).  This is always a busy time. Practices are 5 days a week 5:30-7:30pm.  I'm a board member of the entire league (Santee Ravens) plus my sons team manager (pee wee).  I have been so freaking busy with that stuff.  Plus being a single mom who works fulltime.  Luckily, when I'm at the field, I'm so busy with parents, coaches and the other 28 team managers, I haven't sat down for more than 5 mins in a single day.  I do get a ton of walking in.  However, things have settled down some.  I have trained all the team mgrs on what to do and how to manage their teams.  The best thing ever is our fields share the same parking lot as the YMCA!!  I just so happen to have a gym membership there!  Of course I haven't gone in 7 months, but hello??  I can park my car where my son can go his way to the practice field and I can go the other way to the gym.  Now that I'm not needed as much at the field, I will spend time going to the gym.  My daughter just turned 12, so she can now go to the gym with me which she needs to do from sitting around all summer long.  So, because I was so darn consumed with football, I haven't had a minute to focus on ME!  I need to realize that in order to be successful, I need to put myself FIRST!  I know I'm needed at the field.  I know people rely on me.  But we have 10 board members.  FOOTBALL WILL BE FINE while I spend at least 3 days a week at the gym!!  WAIT!!  Starting this week, practices go down to 4 days a week cause our games start on saturday.  So, I can still go to the gym 3 of those days, cause I will only be an hour.  Then I can still spend an hour at the field.   But, I will make sure I go to the gym for the first hour.  otherwise, I will never be able to leave the field early.  YES!  I will do that.  Wow!  Typing this all down has helped.  I didn't bring my football binder with me to work.  Usually, I'm working on football stuff.  And lately, I haven't gotten much work done. And between football and work, I've lost touch with myself.  Okay, time to re-prioritize (spelling??).  Me first. I know what I have to do.  I can't lose touch with myself.  Time to get back on track!  Oh shoot!!!  I should really get back to work too.  Yikes.  I got caught up here.  But, time to go.  I feel better.  I will write again soon.  It seems like its helped the past couple of times. 

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