Jennifer M.
I do deserve to wear a 12 pants and a med shirt...I really do!
Jun 25, 2011
I've had alot of awakenings this month. One thing is the mental size war. To explain this I will refer to my OH Friend, Sandy's blog. She went into Lane Bryant to buy a dress for a wedding. She took a variety sizes into the dressing room - and cried when she fit perfectly into a 14/16. However, the mental war I am refering to is that she took a size 24 into the dressing room - even though she knew it wouldnt fit. I DO THIS ALL THE TIME! LOL WWWHHHYYYYY? I find myself browsing the 22/24's - mindlessly browsing sizes that are too big. When I realize it and go to the sizes that I do wear, but I feel somehow inside like I am cheating on sizes in some way. I am wearing 12's..and even typing that I am wanting to type 14 - but actually when I go to the store I will always grab a 16 and feel unentitled for even that size. Or in shirts I will head to the XL's, when actually I am wearing my teenage daughters mediums or small shirts. I mean I feel like I should at least be a 20. So odd! Mentally I am unattached to the size I am now - but then again when i look at pics of the girl I was 6 months ago - I dont know who that 22/24 size woman is either. So crazy.
Another awakening is that I realized how invisible I was at the 22/24 size. When I was younger and thinner, I got alot of attention. It was something I was use to. But as the weight piled on - I became invisible. And that was something I apparently got used to too. Now that I am smaller, I am getting doors opened for me....compliments from strangers....and even women sizing me up hahaha...you know what I mean those looking you up and down glares. It was an awakening for me because I didnt realize how I had became so unnoticable at my bigger size. All three of the examples I just mentioned happened to me at a Q Trip the other day...I thought to myself what the heck?...I go to my car and pull down the visor mirror and look at myself to see what was so special about me that prompted doors opening and the compliment and the glare from the woman beside me in line, who looked me up and down. I guess this body is thinning up and this brain is still a fat chic. So I wonder when I will catch up mentally and feel deserving of a compliment. Hugs...Jennifer
